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dwgeary
Reviews
Ed (1996)
Chimp dung-thought of it sickens me even now!
I had to comment, because this piece of Chimp dung finally replaced "Mannequin 2" as my personal worst movie of all time, as well as replacing "Blame it on the Bellboy" as last movie I physically could not watch all the way through. I made it to the big date, and past "cut week" and the chimp and neighbor girl were doing something with food, but I have no idea just how long the thing would go on. Bad script, bad sports, bad effects (not so much bad digital effects but incomprehensible ones- what was the deal with the dollar signs in the owner's eyes? I know that the guy couldn't act, but still- let him put on his greed face that he'd been practicing in the mirror)
I kept hoping that Matt LeBlanc, who I love on "friends", and liked in "Lost in Space" had agreed to do this before he had a going career, like Jennifer Aniston and "Leprechaun." But there was a scene where the chimp was watching "Friends"! I shudder to think how much LeBlanc must have been paid to be in this bomb. I hope for his sake, it was a lot.
And just one comment on the Chimp outfit- couldn't they have somehow disguised the relative size of its head? I know that there were people under the mask, but with the chimp head on, it looks like the cranium is half again the volume of Matt LeBlanc's! A chimpanzee with a brain that size would certainly be smarter than anybody involved in this film. Oh well. A thoroughly hideous experience, gave me a severe migraine, and remembering it now sickens me.
Blame It on the Bellboy (1992)
Like a bad flu, it ruined my evening.
What I remember most about this film is being unable to watch it. The script seemed to be a horrible miasma of incomprehensible non sequiturs, with the point being to laugh at the foreign guy. I recall being appalled while watching "Taxi" that Americans found Andy Kaufman's Latka so hilarious, when it seemed that Kaufman was playing the guy as sincerely terrified of the world he found himself in. Similarly, Bronson Pinchot's foreign characters (here, his Italian bellboy is in his native land, but all of the other characters were British, I think) just don't seem to be humorous. I can't recall a less enjoyable movie, which is strange, because the cast is a fine one, particularly Dudley Moore and Brian Brown. Perhaps I did have some kind of flu that night, but I really blame it on the movie.
Mannequin: On the Move (1991)
Chew off your leg to escape this one!
Mannequin 2 manages to remove whatever might have been enjoyable in the original Mannequin. Amazingly, this makes the first movie look positively brilliant. Poor Meschach Taylor makes a valiant try to instill some sense of fun into this heaped pile of steaming film, but is unsuccessful. The movie attempts to climax in a "zany chase scene" tm, but by that time, you cannot possibly care how it ends, as though there was ever any question. Costumes bad, script bad, Kristy Swanson manages to seem vaguely charming, as does the Herman's Head guy. All in all, I would recommend chewing off your leg to escape this one.