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6/10
It's OK to cut scenes!
19 July 2005
I am a huge fan of both Christopher Walken and Robert De Niro, so I have wanted to watch this film for quite some time. De Niro's and Walken's performances are outstanding, and Walken most definitely deserved his Oscar for it. My issue is with the director.

I noticed the slow pacing within the first five to ten minutes. I have nothing inherently against slow pacing (I also am a fan of M. Night Shyamalan), so I am not completely a victim of the MTV, attention deficit crowd, but surely there must be a line. However, I continued watching. I watched as the characters prepared for a wedding. I watched as they had the wedding. I watched the wedding reception. All of these events, taking place, I assume, over the course of a week or two, seemed, in my mind, to unfold in real time.

There then came a scene with the characters hunting deer. When Robert De Niro's character raised his rifle at a deer, and the deer ran away, and he lowered his rifle, I became convinced that the director was determined to capture a deer hunting expedition with such realism and accuracy that I myself wanted to fall asleep behind a deer blind. Or else perhaps take the role of the deer itself, who seemed to have the most exciting part, and was put out of its misery before the boredom became intolerable.

When the film finally got around to showing Vietnam, I was overjoyed, thinking that perhaps something would happen other than people sitting around, smoking, drinking, and talking over one another. I never was a fan of King of the Hill, and I certainly don't want to watch the movie version. And relatively speaking, the Vietnam scenes WERE more exciting. Although, disillusioned from the first hour, I nearly had the overwhelming urge to play Russian Roulette myself. But still, the moments of action in the Vietnam portion of the film were sparse, and liberally cushioned by long moments of silence, the likes of which would make Samuel Beckett hit "Stop." After two hours, I became distinctly aware of the rising coldness in my stomach that indicated it would not be getting better. Already I had almost completely taken my attention from the movie to more action-packed distractions like reading a book, or clipping my toenails.

I had not heard of the director, Michael Cimino, before The Deer Hunter, and having seen it, I'm not sure I will be rushing to the video store any time soon to watch any of his other work. Although I am not a professional filmmaker, and he is, I can give this much advice: it's OK to cut things out of your movie. I know, you are quite convinced that everything you left in was absolutely essential to the artistic success of the film, but you don't NECESSARILY have to show a hunter preparing to shoot a deer, only to find the deer run away. This is not something vital to the integrity of the picture. It's OK to remove that. It's not entirely necessary to show every dance that the wedding guests go through. You can cut a couple of them out.

I have nothing against movies with slow pacing. It's not the pacing that I have a problem with. I don't need constant action, just substance. There is a difference between lack of action and lack of substance. You can have a perfectly substantial scene with zero action, and there is an alarming number of examples of movies that have plenty of action, but zero substance. This film had a lot of dead air, a lot of parts that had no action and no substance.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've thought about the film too much, and I need to take a nap.
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10/10
It's called irony
1 April 2003
I see a lot of comments on here that say how Janeane Garofalo is actually more attractive in this movie than Uma Thurman. The way I see it, this is deliberate (which should be evident by the fact that this is the only movie where Uma is not what I would call attractive, and her attractiveness in this movie is a big deal). By making the "ugly girl" beautiful, and the "hot chick" unattractive, it creates an irony which forces the audience to look at how they view women in the real world. Because in the real world, women who look like Janeane Garofalo ARE considered less attractive than tall, skinny blondes. Or maybe it's just because you're not allowed to be a movie star if you're ugly, so they couldn't find anyone else. Either way, this is one of my favorite romantic comedies, if not my all-time favorite. 10/10
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xXx (2002)
10/10
What is wrong with you people?
1 March 2003
XXX was stupid and ridiculous, full of mediocre acting, gratuitous sex and violence, an explosion every scene. Here's the thing though. Two things actually, number one: it's intended as pure escapism, nothing more, nothing less, and on that it succeeds. Number two: it's James Bond. Bond is also ridiculous escapism, full of mediocre acting, gratuitous sex and violence, and an explosion every scene. Xander Cage is an american James Bond. I know, James Bond is sophisticated and stylish, but that's why I say Cage is an AMERICAN James Bond...british are sophisticated and stylish. Americans are brash, loud, and crude. James Bond represents the british stereotype, Xander Cage represents the american stereotype. How can there be any doubt of this, when one of the most famous Bond scenes (Bond parachuting with a british flag parachute) is almost identically recreated in XXX with Xander Cage parasailing with an american flag parachute? The story could be substituted with James bond at any point and it would be exactly the same. You can't judge a movie like this on the merits of "high art"...the criteria for its success is really a criterion: is it fun? Yes...yes it is. It's pointless, ridiculous, and absolutely sensationalistic, but it's fun. Based on the merits of its criterion, it achieves its goal perfectly. 10/10
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Four Rooms (1995)
Hilarious
10 June 2002
I loved this movie. The whole thing, from beginning to end. Despite being a huge Tarantino fan, I can't and won't give him all the credit for the film. Yes, I will admit that the first segment, "The Missing Ingredient," is probably the least funny of all of them, but I certainly wouldn't go so far as many people on here. However, if it weren't for Tim Roth's brilliant and hilarious performance, remeniscient of Jerry Lewis or Rowan Atkinson, that segment wouldn't have survived. The second segment, "The Wrong Man," had some very funny moments, with a nice reference to The Jeffersons ("this is the big one, Angie!"). The Robert Rodriguez segment, "The Misbehavors," is hailed as the best of all the segments. I did find myself laughing a lot, but early in the segment it suffered slightly by an overwhelming lack of Tim Roth and an overabundance of the kids, but once Roth started getting more to do, it really picked up. However, I found the whole speaking-through-the-barf part too disgusting to laugh at. The humor of this segment culminated in a laugh-out-loud ending, with the perfect punch line: "did they misbehave?" The final segment, "The Man From Hollywood," had a lot of very funny moments, and also a hilarious end, but with a lot of big stretches between laughs. Tarantino fans listen for a virtual reiteration of lines from Reservoir Dogs, when Tarantino says "what was I just talkin about?" and Roth's character reminds him. Don't listen to snobs who drive the first segment into the ground, they're exaggerating. Also, don't listen to ignorant people with a bias against Tarantino for reasons they dont even understand, they're just going along with other ignorant people who seem to forget the sincerest form of flattery.
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Strangers with Candy (1999–2000)
You'll be transfixed...for better or worse
21 March 2002
Watching this show is much like watching a beautiful woman pick her nose. It attracts you and repulses you simultaneously. I suppose that's one thing on it's side. I've watched it a few times, and every time I couldn't take my eyes away from the screen. I was completely drawn in. Here's the thing though: I don't recall ever laughing at any point, and from everything I've heard, it's meant to be a comedy. I suppose if the point is to make money by making people watch, that goal is certainly reached, because once you turn it on, you can't turn it off. But if the point, as a comedy, is to make people laugh...well, in my case they failed. The political and social satire would be much more effective and entertaining if it weren't so obvious that they were trying as hard as they possibly could to make a point without making it seem like they were. The one thing that I found to be somewhat entertaining was the relationship between the two male teachers. I give it a 5 (out of 10) for the accomplishment of making viewers out of even those who don't like it.
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Caveman (1981)
10/10
"Alright...zug-zug"
25 January 2002
This movie is hilarious. No other way to put it. I watched it today at my friends house and only now appreciated much of the humor, including the drugs and the gay cavemen. One especially funny scene is when the blind man was rubbing the Tyrannosaurus on the...ahem...and then whacked it with his cane. I rank this with Spaceballs as one of my all-time favorite movie spoofs. 10 out of 10.
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Scrooged (1988)
A Personal Favorite
17 December 2001
This is my favorite "adaptation" of A Christmas Carol. It's also my favorite Christmas movie. A lot of people say that Bill Murray's character of Frank Cross is unlikeable. Would you prefer a warm and fuzzy Scrooge for the first half? Then there are those who say that the end is sappy. The ending is what I like the most. And Murray's acting is much better than other Scrooges, who usually overact. Murray manages to be over-the-top with his cruelty while still making his acting believable. Cross is truly Scrooge-like, reveling in the death of an old woman caused by his commercial because it's free publicity. Another common comment is that Carol Kane steals the scene as the Ghost of Christmas Present. Not true. The chemistry between Murray and Kane ensures that they share the screen perfectly. This is a wonderful movie. I can't understand why anyone would say otherwise. Bobcat Goldthwait puts in a great performance as a disgruntled employee fired on Christmas Eve. The best part is the end. This movie has what has to be the happiest ending in the history of movies. He understands the meaning of Christmas, gets a new lease on life, gets the girl, the little boy talks, and everybody sings a song. Danny Elfman provides the score, doing a brilliant job as always. A beautiful movie all around. A+
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