Change Your Image
hcreeve24
Reviews
Halloween (2007)
Shame on you Rob!
Rob Zombies Halloween is an almost complete failure. Now I will grant you this I did enjoy the movies first half where we watch the seeds of evil being planted in little Michael, but once the movie attempts to remake the original it fails miserably. The good Most of the first half. The kid who plays little Michael is pretty good, he conveys evil quite well and has that disturbed look. Sheri Moon Zombie who delivers a fantastic performance as Michael's stripper mom, she gives some life to a character that is other wise just text book trailer trash. William Forsythe delivers a good performance out of an otherwise toxic sci pt. The first murder of the school bully is truly unnerving and I love the new Halloween theme song because it is traditional yet edgy. The rest of the actors all deliver fine performances no need to drag this out. The boobs sue me I'm a man! The bad The dialogue, sweet $#$#ing Jesus I feel like the dialogue skull f*cked my brain in to stupid submission. Most of the murders scenes because they lacked suspense. The entire second half which is a quickie remake of the original and reminds the viewer of how much better Carpenter did it. The superhero sized Michael am the only one who found that ridiculous The continuity the cops go to the wrong address and so on. The characterization especially those of Laurie, Annie and Linda. The little kid wearing the adult Myer's mask. And finally MAJOR SPOILER HERE Killing Doctor Loomis what in the hell does that solve? There are many more problems to be sure but those are my main complaints in a nutshell. Let's not forget the original Halloween is a classic of suspense and terror and in my book the best horror flick ever. Rob Zombie clearly didn't remember this and instead I got the Night White Trash Comes Home!
Transformers (2007)
A pretty decent flick but Bay still sucks
I found Transformers a mixed bag, sure I loved the special effects, I thought the actors handled their cotton candy roles well, the pacing was decent in places, but the "director" good old Michael Bay #$@#ed another movie up. From the start there is a lot to like about the Transformers, Shia Lebouff is very good as Sam the movies protagonist, the aforementioned special effects are dazzling, and the movie moved at a brisk clip, but it is the fight scenes that sink this movie. The reason I hate Michael Bay is his reliance on quick cuts. I love to absorb an action scene, to see the chaos of the situation like pure ballet, if I directed this movie you would see fists flying, gears popping, and slow explosions galore. With Bay you get a flash in the pan, a scene shot with so much disorientation that it is hard to tell what the f$#$ is going on.
SPOILERS There is one scene in particular with Optimus Prime fighting the police car Transformer and we barely see the fight, in fact Bay cuts out most of the fight. We see the aftermath of the fight sure, but we don't get to see the fight itself, and isn't that the reason we all put our money down in the first place. SPOILERS END In summary it is a shame this movie doesn't flop outright, and the Prince of Persia doesn't follow it into shame, while this movie hardly deserves to flop its demise might rid us of Michael Bay once and for all. Believe it or not folks that would be a worthwhile sacrifce.
Live Free or Die Hard (2007)
John McClane Saves the summer!
Let's be honest, so far this summer movie season has sucked eggs. Though I throughly enjoyed Spiderman 3, I admit it was a bit overdone and I know a ton of people who hated Spidey's third outing. Pirates 3 was pretty good, but it was too long. The Fantastic Four 2 sucked out loud and every other big summer popcorn movie hasn't delivered what it promised, except Die Hard 4. I was and still am annoyed by the PG-13 Rating, and for weeks before the film opened I was calling it Die Kind Sorta Hard, but the film surprised me. The film I was sure would be a flaming turd turned out to be a fun, diverting, surprisingly clever 2 hours of pure joygasm style entertainment. There is no doubt the movie is flawed, the villain is a wimp, the plot is outlandish but slightly plausible, and there are massive plot holes, but the film still delivers. I have no doubt that if there had been any other character in this film but John McClane, we'd all be tearing this flick a new piehole, but we aren't because the character of John McClane is a winner and he saves this movie from mediocrity. I have no doubt without McClane this movie would be a 5 out of 10, but Willis and his alter ego elevate this material above standard and turn it into something sadly missing this summer pure entertainment. The movie is not a classic like the first one (the best action film of all time), in fact Die Hard 4 is the worst one of the series, and the fact I am still giving it an eight shows how strong this series truly has been. So I would like to take this opportunity to thank John McClane for once again entertaining the hell out of me, and heres hoping we see him again soon.
Sicko (2007)
Moore Scores Again
The United States "the greatest county that has ever existed" has one of the most awful health care systems in the world, and that is the point of Michael Moore's Sicko. Moore throughout this exhilarating film asks the same question over and over again, "if the Canadians, French and English have Universal Health Care Systems, why can't American have one as well!" and you know what Michael is right. It is with a heavy heart that we look at the state of America in 2007. We have a war raging out of control in it fifth failure ridden year, we have a dim bulb President who seems to think that Jurice Prudience is the Aunt of the Hardy Boys, and we have a health care system that resembles a plane wreck. That is where sicko comes in and basically puts the US Healthcare system over its knee. Moore wisely focuses on the insured instead of the uninsured and demonstrates that even if you are lucky enough to have health insurance all these penny pinching tight wads want to do is save money. My only complaint is when Moore goes to France, England, Cuba, and Canada to examine their social medicine programs he refuses to mention the long waits and the many other things that plague those systems. Despite the candy coating I am in complete agreement, the US needs some form of social health care and now. We liberals need Michael Moore he is our propagandist just like Fox News is the Conservatives Progandists, and while we know not all he is saying is true. We love him for saying it in the first place.
Armageddon (1998)
A cinematic Libotomy
Brain hurts...movie too bad to comprehend. Brain bursting like one the poor bozo's from scanners.
God Mike Bay sucks! Can Hollywood please stop hiring this shallow no talent hack. His movies trying to inject some sentimentality is like a person with tourettes syndrome trying to write a greeting card. Sure it tries to tug your heartstrings but ultimately it cannot achieve such depth no matter how hard it tries. This movie is what Top Gun would have been like if a chimp directed it. Here's hoping Transformers flops (fat change) and The Prince of Persia rolls over and dies at the B.O., so we can finally rid ourselves of Michael Bay.
Napoleon Dynamite (2004)
I have seen funnier episodes of cops
I would go zero if I could, what the hell is so funny about this dumb @ss movie? I mean my god the characters are all morons on some level, and they are all totally unlikable. I could do without the lead Napoleon because he is a whiny, annoying, jerkweed, that I quite frankly wanted to jump in the TV and hit, and I am a pacifist! The brother is a freakoid loser that has a girlfriend that is out of state and that he says loves him. Anyways I can't comment any further because 40 minutes into this mess I gave up and switched it off. This unfunny movie is just plain annoying, and the next time these people write another movie tell them not to get their quirky characters off an obvious template. What a disgrace.
Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo (2005)
Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad The worst movie in years
Here is what the people who are writing the good reviews of this movie, fail to see about those of us who hated it. I didn't hate this movie cause I am a prude, in fact I loved the first Deuce as a kind of stupid cult classic, but this movie may be crude but it isn't very funny. That is my gripe with it plain and simple I go to comedies to laugh and I didn't laugh the jokes were just plain dumb. The main problem with this flick is it doesn't know where to stop. Spoiler The Russian girl with the male body part for a nose was kinda funny, but once she started sneezing and blowing you know what all over the room, it ceased being funny and became gross. As if this girl blowing "manly" fluids all over the room wasn't sick enough it had to land in someones soup and then that person had to eat it. If they had left the joke alone, maybe this movie would have been watchable but there are a billion examples of this kind of joke scattered throughout this miserable excuse for a movie. The movie tries to give him a good love interest but OCD just isn't a funny concept, watching a woman beat the hell out of herself just isn't funny. Spoiler The scene when they are on the roof and one of the man whore academy and TJ the pimp has to fart is just stupid, it is like they wrote a premise and desperately tried to come up with a joke. Snider is better than this, because the little weasel can be quite funny. Eddie Griffin can be funny too but this script is such a lemon that no one could save this movie. You could have cast Rodney Dangerfield, Groucho Marx, Billy Murray, John Belushi and every other comic legend you can name in this film and it still would have sucked royally. Anyways you get the drift but do me a favor and don't watch this mess it makes Showgirls look like art, and please Rob no more if this is any indicator of where this franchise is going please just keep the next one where it belongs inside you mind and no where else.
Fahrenheit 9/11 (2004)
A blistering indictment of the Bush administration
Welcome to America people a place where we are all free to express our views. In America popular speech is as important as unpopular speech, and our founding fathers believed that if a goverment lost sight of the needs of its own people that it should be critiqued. Michael Moore has made such a critiqued and it is a blistering indictment of the Bush Administration's policies after 911. The movie is about the explotation of tragedy for power. I won't say that much more I don't want to ruin any of it for you who haven't seen it, but believe me this movie packs a wallop and my moderate hide loved it. To all you cranky coservatives who damn Michael Moore and curse his name remember this you bashed Clinton into the ground like a stake, well guys get ready for Bush Bashing 2004 cause paybacks a well...you know.
Say Anything... (1989)
Brilliant
As a writer and we are the biggest whores there ever was,I must say I have to stop watching Cameron Crowe's movies. Because I am soooooooooo jealous of him. Crowe is the best writer working in cinema today, even his worst flick Vanilla Sky had some great qoutes. Anyways on to this particular film the movie is about Lloyd Daubler a hopeless clueless romantic played wonderfully by John Cusak, and Dianne Court a hot acheiver babe played by Ione Sky. The wonder of the Cusack Charecter is that he has no idea what he wants to do at the age of 19, I mean hell I had no clue about what I wanted to do at that age and no one I knew had any real idea of what they wanted to do at that age. He is played with wild insecurity by Cusack charming funny sweet and kind of bitter. Sky plays Court as an insecure girl still uncertain about the world. Her father played here by John Mahoney is the overprotective father taken to a huge extrene. He tells his daugher she can so anything to him and he doesn't even had the nerve to tell his own daughter he is an embezelling crook. This is a wonderful movie funny sad and poignant. To all great job, to Cameron Crowe keep writing my man you are a genius and damn I am sooooo envious of you for it.
10/10
Pleasantville (1998)
Not Simple Fiction
To those of us sick of hearing people idealize the fifties pleasantville is a breathe of fresh air. The movie about two kids trapped in an old time tv show of the 1950's isn't really about the perils of being trapped inside a set it is about the changes that life brings and the nuances these changes can create, why sometimes something so new and wonderful can be scary and heartbreaking all at the same time. Pleasantville is about life and in all its wonderful chaotic glory and the wonder and challenge of change. This movie about a sitcom town is about everyone's town, everyone's home, everyone's country, everyone's state this movie is about tv characters about is about what it means to be human. 10/10
Bad Santa (2003)
Try out this tainted little chestnut you might like it
Bad Santa is sick, repulsive, disgusting fun and you know what I thought it was a riot. Billy Bob Thorton plays a safe cracking, drunk Lathario with a taste for anal sex, that masquerades as a Department Store Santa every year just so he can steal the stores money. Tony Cox plays his sick foul mouthed dispicable little elf (more like a troll really) that is his sidekick and partner in crime. John Ritter plays the uptight repressed department store manager that hired these two. Bernie Mac plays a bad wicked little store detective that is on to the two crooks. The lovely Lauren Graham plays a hot bartender that has the the hots for Santa, and quite frankly made me want to dress up in a Santa suit again. Finally the saving grace of this sick little movie is the fat kid, I don't know his name but he was fantastic as the pathetic little one that Billy Bob plays pitty on. In this kid Billy Bob finds some redemption and that says a lot since this maybe the most unredeemable charecter in recent movie history. The cast is all brilliant and the movie itself is a sick laugh, and it was nice for once to see a christmas movie that didn't feel like a slick postcard. Go see Bad Santa and Ho Ho Howl laughing at what a tainted little chestnut it really is.
The Matrix Revolutions (2003)
What the hell were they thinking
I just got out of the Matrix Revolutions a couple of hours ago and I think I am beginning to dislike the film more by the minute. There are a lot of problems with this film, but to me the primary trouble with it is simple there isn't any closure, they didn't answer any of the questions they asked, and the action sequences were underwhelming. First off let's start with the action sequences, simply put they blew their creative wad on the first two films. The Zion shootout was allright but felt too artificial, nothing like the rescue scene from the first one and the brilliant highway chase scene from the second one, and the final battle between Neo and Smith was allright but hey we have scene Neo take on a hundred agent Smiths in Reloaded how much fun is it going to be to see him just fight one. The movie doesn't answer any of it's questions either, it is like someone asking you a question and then skimping on the answer. They left so much for us to ponder with the first two and they basically copped out on the answers. I suspect this film was heavily edited and we may see a three hour DVD one of these days. Anyways the film is a mess and I am sooooooooo disapointed. I loved the first one and thought Reloaded was even better, this one was just a letdown.
The Karate Kid Part II (1986)
One of my favorites from my childhood
I remember seeing this film when I was 10 in the theatre and back then I thought it was masterpiece. What wasn't there to love funny moments, like when Dojo master Kriese puts his hands thru the car windows(well you kinda have to see it to know what I mean), great fights scenes especially the one in the end between Daniel and the Resident Heavy (I think that is his real name) at the castle when the gloves are off and instead of a tournament this time it is a fight to the death. Pretty cool, now that I am 27 (as of 2003), instead of 10 I realize that this movie is kinda corny, I mean some of the scenes in this flick are pretty hamhanded, and that song by Peter Certera(PLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAASE!), but like lots of cheesy and ham handed things from the eighties it was kinda cool in its own way. So Gen Xer's sing along with me, I am a man who would fight for your honor, I'll be the hero you're dreaming of we'll live forever growing together and we found it all through the glory of love. This movie rocks! 8/10
National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)
A Classic
To all of you good people the lazy surburban moral slobs who won't find this movie funny. Get a life. Animal is a classic, and dare I say "The funniest movie ever". The script is ingenious, the acting terrific, and the directing well it proved that Landis could do much better than Beverly Hills Cop III. I don't think I need to sum this flick up since I am willing to bet, that everyone has already seen it. I just want to tell people that sometimes lowbrow humor is funny and clever. Just because this movie is sleazy doesn't mean it isn't ingenious. To all you so called good white collar guys watch this movie again and remember what it felt like to truly be alive, and then you can tell everyone else how morally reprehensable the movie was to all your family members. This movie is a classic and should be cherised not slammed.
Requiem for a Dream (2000)
Gut Wrenching
If you want to see a happy vision of heroine addiction watch something else, hell even the glum trainspotting pails in comparison to this movie. Requiem for a Dream is about hope going away for four people due to drug addiction. The amazing thing about this film is that it shows the charecters highs as well as their lows. You see the Euphoria and then you see the horror. The performances are top rate especially Ellen Burstyn as the doomed Sarah GoldFarve. Burstyn is fantastic and should have won the Oscar. I have not seen a more sad or haunting performance in years. Jared Leto is terrific as Burstyn's never do well Heroine addict son Harry. He gives the charecter a nuisance and a guiniune desire to do good though his life has gone bad. Marlon Wayans is shockingly good as Tai, he shocks us with the depth of what is an unheralded and overlooked performance. Jennifer Connolly is great too, she is the one that is placed in the most degrading and embarrassing situations of the four junkies and her performance is a revelation. Requiem for a Dream is a spectacular nightmare of addiction, it is a horror show and it is a great one. This is the best movie I have seen in the last 5 years, this one is a mind blower. The hardiest men will be tears by the end of this one. At the end of this movie your stomach will be in knots your heart will be broken, and you will want to watch this movie over again cause it affected you so deeply. Ladies and Gentlemen run don't walk to the video store for this overlooked gem. I give it a 10/10
Halloween: Resurrection (2002)
Bad Bad Bad
This movie sucked! If it weren't for a decent first 15 minutes, it would be a total disaster. The plot of this poor excuse for cinema is that Michael Myers survived being beheaded by his sister in Halloween H20 by..well let's just say the explanation is dumb and leave it at that. Well then he hunts down his sister Laurie (Jamie Lee Curtis) who is now in the loony bin to kill her. These opening minutes in a dark loony bin are actually very good, Jamie Lee is outstanding again as Laurie Strode, and the atmosphere that director Rick Rosental presents in outstanding. *SPOLIER* Then good old Mike kills Laurie and the movie becomes a lame Blair Witch Project copy after that. My main reaction to this movie is that killie Laurie was a mistake because the movie actually is pretty good when she was in it, after that it turns to ville brainless crap. Maybe they should have taken John Carpenter up on his offer to write and direct the final instalment of this mess, and do all of us a huge favor. There is clearly gonna be another one of these movies and they have killed the most fascinating relationship in slasher films, Laurie and Michael were a classic without them the movie just like parts 3-6 are pure drivel. The movie ends promising (more like threatening) as there is gonna be a part 9, oh the humanity.
A.I. Artificial Intelligence (2001)
Brilliant film, but it begins to drag.
While seeing Steven Spielbergs brilliant AI, I was struck with wonder and haunted in ways only the best movies can do. In case you have been in a cave the movie is about a couple who recieves a robot child to replace their child who has cancer and is cryrogenically frozen,until a cure can be found. The beginning parts with the family and Haley Jo Osmet as the Robot child David are fantastic. From the scence where he creepily follows her around the apartment to him watching them eat dinner as he mocks their movements with a fork and a bowl. The problem with this type of robot is it is programmed to love unconditioally and the love is programmed so strongly that if the parent has to give the child back the best thing to do is to take it to the factory for its destruction. Trouble begins when the real son is cured and comes home and breeds nothing but contempt for David, to the son David is a little toy to messed with. After a horrible accident by his mother in the woods with only a robotic Teddy Bear as his guide, (by the way the bear is a riot). In the forest David meets Gigolo Joe a pleasure model designed for sexual gratification, and this begins the dark second half of this film. While the first half is light but creepy Spielberg, the second half is dark gloomy Kubrik. With such things as a flesh fair, (don't ask) and other haunting scenes. This half works as well if not better then the first half, and then it all goes to hell. The last half hour of this movie is atrocious, it was a waste of time and I so steamed they felt it needed to be in the film. I won't give away anything but the movie could have ended with a much tougher and more haunting ending then it did, because after the Kubrik half is over we get a final Spielbergian half hour. The final half hour is misguided like Hook, and I think completely unneccessary, all in all though a good film. Haley Jo Osmet is sensation and Jude Law is a riot. It gets a A+ for the first two hours a F for the last Half hour, so final grade B+.
Fight Club (1999)
I am Jack's stunned mind
Fight Club is unlike anything you have ever seen. It is at a dark comedy, a social commentary, a twisted love story, and finally a total assualt to your senses. Edward Norton plays the narrator, a biting commentary on the facelessness of our society. He is suffering from insomia when he starts to go to self help groups. The groups help him sleep. Helena Boheim Carter plays Marla a fellow support group faker whom the narrator despises. When we meet Tyler Durden we know he's trouble. Tyler comments on how the proper mixture of OJ and gasoline will make Napalm. Durden is brilliantly played by Brad Pitt, he plays Durden as a sadistic anarchist, who believes society should de-evolve from its friendly nature. Tyler and the narrator form Fight Club, a club that the basic goal is to beat the crap out of one and another. It is a brutal club based on a idea of infinite freedom. The club slowly evolves into a sick little militia called Project Mayhem. The rest of them movie is a sick little game between Tyler and the Narrator. The end result being the stunning truth about their relationship. Fight Club is ingenious and it isn't for everyone. The movie is bizzare and shocking it is twisted and brilliant. The movie is one stunning twist after another and it is a testament to Finchers genius. This is a fantastic movie and I would recomend it to everyone.
Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)
What a piece of Junk
This movie is a waste of celloid, a devoid and useless piece of trash. If you thought 4-6 of this series was bad check this one, this one makes 4-6 look Shakespearian. The first thing is this piece of junk has nothing to do with the first two. This one has to do with a sick mask company and its plan to kill off all the children on Halloween Night. You get robots and all witches and even pieces of stonehenge if you can believe it. You also get the most annoying theme song of all time that awful "Eight more days to Halloween", song makes you want to rip your hair out. So lets sing to that song to end this review "This movie is a piece of trash, piece of trash, piece of trash, this movie is a piece of trash......" AVOID AT ALL COSTS
Hannibal (2001)
Not as good as Lambs but still a great flick
Hannibal Lectur is the nations Darth Vadar for the next generation, and he is back in Hannibal. Of course by now we all know that Jodie Foster backed out of this movie but really who cares? All I wanted in this movie was to watch Anthony Hopskins portray one of the all time great villians in cinema history. He didn't disapoint and neither does Hannibal! Ridley Scott's fantastic photography and Hans Zimmers wonderful score set a fantastic atmosphere. The most enthralling thing in this movie is of course Hopskins giving another brilliant performance and Julliane Moore is a great fill in for Foster. The movie has it all and even a stomach turning finale, so hold on to your loved one tight and enjoy. Now listen to me carefully run don't walk to your theater and see this movie. One last thing bring Hannibal back someday the world is more fun with him in it.
9/10
Se7en (1995)
A classic Chiller
I remember when me and my friend were going to see Showgirls one day, and at the last minute we decided to see this movie instead. All I can say is we definately made the right choice, this movie is nothing short of stunning. David Fincher and Brad and Morgan have weaved a tapestry out of suspense and surprise. This movie was David Fincher's Pennance for Alien 3, this movie had everything that one did not, it had a brilliant script, and a numbing ending. For those of you who haven't seen this movie yet, be prepared to be knocked off your seat by the ending. Be prepared to see evil in the killer John Doe, be prepared to look into Morgan Freemans haunted eyes for 2 hours, most of all be prepared to be dazzled. This is the best serial killer movie besides Silence of the Lambs. This one like Lambs will be remembered as a classic.
The Silence of the Lambs (1991)
That expires in one week you aren't real FBI are you?
This is a classic, this is one of the films that should be played in Film 101 class. This is one of the most unnerving movies ever made it is a classic in every sense of the word, and it leaves a lasting impression on everyone who sees it. This is the movie that you can't miss it is one of the best one of the 90's, and all time. From the chilling line qouted above, to the rest of the mayhem this is a chiller. Hopskins is excellent in one of the best displays of acting talent ever. You look in Hopskins eyes and you can see pure evil, and his taunts are bone chilling. Hopkins is pure evil, and Hannibal Lecter is a classic villan. Jodie Foster is great as Clarice Starling the haunted FBI agent interviewing Lecter to find a killer named Buffallo Bill. Foster is purity taken back by the literate and charming tongue of Hospkins. This movie is pure genius and if you haven't see it run to your nearest video store now. For a 5 time Oscar winner that deserved every single award it won. I can't wait to see Hannibal.
The Haunting (1999)
Some movies are just bad
I know what they say that some houses are born bad, like the tagline for this useless drivel. The problem with the haunting is that as good as the actors are, and as much as the script tries it can't redeem the fact that the script is wooden and the directing is horrible. Jan De Bont has proven to me once and for all we need more then great CGI effects to be scared we need a plot and likable charecters. Avoid this movie at all costs you will only be haunted that you spent the price of a rental on this one.
The Man with Two Brains (1983)
A riot
Steve Martin is the master of the absurd, he is not only a fine actor but a great writer as well. In this movie he plays a doctor with the worlds most unpronounceable name, who is looking for someone to replace his dead wife. On his way to the hospital one day he hits Kathleen Turner with his car, after he saves her they fall in love. Scene to watch the hilarious screwtop brain surgery he performs on Kathleen. Well anyways after they get married it turns out that Kathleen is a money hungry wench, that just married Steve for his money. They go on a honey moon in Germany to a fancy hotel, and there they discover that there is a madman named the Elevator Killer. It turns out the elevator killer uses window cleaner to kill his victims which leaves their bodies dead but their brains very much alive. The rest of this movie past that is a love story between Steve and one of those brains that is kept alive. The movie is ridiculous but still hysterical, the thing about Steve Martin is you don't have to be bent to get his humour you have to be bent to laugh at it. A choice and silly film from the master of the absurd.
Mission: Impossible II (2000)
How about plot imcomprehensible, or plot contrivable
What a waste of money, of talent of time, I saw this movie and I tell what I am disowning John Woo. Nah I can forgive him and Cruise. But the movie is a mess it is some nonsesence about a virus that could wipe out the world or some garbage like that. I was too busy trying to keep my eyes open to pay all that much attention in the first place. Dougray Scott plays the villain whateverhisnameis, just a lame excuse for him to flaunt an Austraillian accent and act like a scumbag. All in all this movie is a complete waste of time and a total bore unless you count the last 20 minutes which were truly exciting. With Cruise and Woo involved you hoped for more but the only thing about this movie that is impossible is watching it.