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thefailure
Reviews
The Shawshank Redemption (1994)
The Most Over-rated Film Ever Along With American Beauty
O.K. you've seen the summary and you're screaming "What kind of sour limey b@!*&%$£ says that about one of the greatest films ever made?" Well I've got news for you, look again. The Shawshank Redemption is a very good movie, i agree but is it all it's cracked up to be? - no. At first you think "I feel great - what a feel-good movie!" One can't help wondering that this film, on closer inspection, is actually unbelievably cheesy. Every other second i was hearing violins about how this poor guy got landed in jail for a murder he didn't commit. It's stereotypical - and you guys who voted 10 bought it hook, line and sinker. "But what about the great twist?" O.k., the twist was good but come on...like i said before was it THAT great? Ask yourselves honestly, was that better than The Sixth Sense's or The Usual Suspects? Also, how come foreign films which are far superior to this get no credit? Watch Le Samurai, or La Haine or Todo Sobre Mi Madre. Far more superior.
Screen Two: Northanger Abbey (1987)
oh dear god...
Now and again, a film comes around purely by accident that makes you doubt your sanity. We just finished studying the novel, "Northanger Abbey", at school and decided to refresh our memory of this unexciting piece of humourless garbage with the BBC adaptation.
The funny thing about Northanger Abbey is that it actually makes you want to kill yourself. The film is NOTHING like the book, for example, the subtly evil characters seem to have been turned into transparent stereotypes. John Thorpe looks like a leprechaun on acid while Isabella plays the role of slut. Catherine, the main character, is the most depressingly stupid and irritating actress on god's earth (she looks like a coffee addict, her eyes are like basketballs) whilst Mr Tilney looks and acts like a retired porno stunt double. The plot goes completely off the rails at certain points of the film, I don't know what the hell the director was thinking when for no reason at all, a 7 year old black kid who we've never met before takes the main character out of the abbey and starts cartwheeling in front of her. Yes, that's right, cartwheeling. Nonsense of this kind is occasionally interrupted by Catherines "fantasies" in which she is being carried around a cathedral by an ogre.
Northanger Abbey is basically visual euthanasia so if you want to murder your boss or something like that, BBC have basically discovered a new way to kill someone. Northanger is a barely laughably bad film. Don't watch it unless you're in a padded cell.
Labyrinth (1986)
nothing short of genius
When i was 8 i was given the choice between getting the film "labyrinth" or "bill and teds excellent adventure."
The next year i regretted getting Labyrinth so badly.
Nearly a decade on i realise that this was the best film ever. The surrealist fantastical adventure left me feeling warped and is probably a huge contribution to my deteriorating mental health. Why is this film so good? Well, you have a goblin king played by David Bowie. (Genuinely scary, not just for kids, for god's sake just look at how tight his trousers are...) You have talking worms, monsters who can tear themseleves apart and put their legs on their necks, ogres who can call on rocks and boulders, excellent music (once again, that mental deterioration thing again, I won't ever recover from when i saw him sing jump magic), dogs on top of other dogs, and a little guy called Hoggle.
This is just the tip of the ice-berg.
This is a very funny film witha lot of seriously messed up things in it... ..watch this or i'll throw you into the bog of eternal stench.