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dkuhar
Reviews
2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)
I hate it when this happens!
(Please forgive the repeated usage of the word "crap". I would rather curse, but this page doesn't allow it. Also, in my last review, I forgot to give a grade for that blockbuster crapfest Pearl Harbor; so I'll give it a D.)
First off, I didn't think the movie was brilliant, a masterpiece or Kubrick's best. I'm also not writing this review just so people can look and see my review and say something along the lines of "Oh, he didn't write what most other people wrote; he's weird" (by the way, I hope that that made sense). I'm writing this review because I'm tired of hearing all the regular crap about how this movie is brilliant and.. well.... you know. I'm writing this just so I can get these words out of me and, even though not very many people will read this review, get them out to people like me.
In my one line summary, I'm referencing when you hear all this hype about how a movie is supposed to be "one of the greatest films ever made" or "brilliant" or crap like that. I hated Bonnie and Clyde and Natural Born Killers! Critics love those movies (well... for the latter it's kind of divided) and I hated them! Bonnie and Clyde had some good performances and a couple of good scenes, so I'd give it a C-. Natural Born Killers was saved by excellent cinematography, a couple of good scenes and a good Robert Downey Jr. performance, so I'd give it a D or a D-. But this is a review of 2001: ASO, so I'll get right to that.
First off, you gotta love the monkeys. That was the best part of the movie and not just because monkeys are funny. Because it was great to watch how primitive beings reacted to certain things. I also liked the concept that the monolith gave knowledge, but with knowledge comes consequence. Also, it's got one of the best death scenes I've ever seen(by the way, you know there's something wrong when a computer displays more emotion in one scene than the typical Hollywood actor).
As for my problem with the movie: if I have to watch another freakin spaceship dock for another 15 minutes with classical music playing, I'M GONNA SHOOT MYSELF!!! Jesus Christ, this movie gets so boring and slow. There's about 30 freakin minutes of flashing lights that would make an epileptic's head explode. At that point, I thought "Screw it" and went to make myself a sandwich.
Perhaps I didn't understand it's "brilliance" or I'm the member of the wrong generation. I might be but I'm still giving this movie a B-.
Pearl Harbor (2001)
I hate Michael Bay, Jerry Bruckheimer and epecially this movie.
I have the same 2 problems with this movie that I did with Titanic: unbelievably bad diologue and the tragic disaster brought to life with good special effects. The acting is stiff and wooden; you don't care what happens to the people onscreen. Ben Afflek isn't too bad an actor, but he gets annoying during this movie with the diologue that he spews out. Josh Hartnett (whose hair would've been cut shorter if he really was in the army) is also a capable actor, who sucks at the hands of Randall Wallace, the screenwriter. If any of you people who liked this movie ever see it again, please, please, PLEASE, listen to the diologue. It's so mind numbing that I'm am now stupider after watching this movie. Another problem was the depiction of the event. They didn't make it scary, which is what it should've been depicted as. They showed it as one big, long action sequence. They didn't want you to care about the thousands of people who died at Pearl Harbor. They wanted you to care about how cool the special effects were.
Another thing wrong with this movie was the depiction of the Japanese, which was as one killing machine. The movie wanted you to cheer whenever the Japanese were called dirty b*stards or whenever one is shot down. I didn't cheer. I know something is wrong with a movie whenever the evil Japanese emperor comes onscreen and I expect him to grow a little curled mustach and put on a top hat. Then he can curl his mustache with his finger and pretend he's Snidely Whiplash.
Now I'm not saying that a good movie couldn't have been made about the disastrous event. The movie would've been so much better if it focused on actual people. One good thing about the movie were the supporting roles of three actors: Jon Voight, James King and Cuba Gooding Jr., who are effective in the roles that they play (especially Voight as FDR). Sadly, they weren't enough to save this overhyped peice of dung.
In closing, I am now convinced that Jerry Bruckheimer and Michael Bay can't make a good movie. I absolutely hate these two men and thy don't deserve to be in the movie business. One good thing that I'm glad that Jerry and Michael didn't do was put Nicholas Cage somewhere in this movie. I like him, but apparently he's sold his soul to these two men as evidenced by him being in every movie that Jerry and Michael make.
By the way, I think this has to be my longest review so far. It's amazing what a bad movie such as Pearl Harbor can inspire a guy to write.
Savior (1998)
William Moser is right about releasing it in America
Right now, in California at the time of this review, it is 9:55 pm. Savior ended about 15 minutes ago. It's probably Dennis Quaid's best performance yet and it made me wonder why he doesn't do more movies. I never gave much thought to the war in Bosnia. I saw this on HBO and I wished it was released in theaters. (sigh) Oh well. In conclusion, Savior is a poignant story of the atrocities suffered in Bosnia and of the sacrifices people have to make in dire circumstances. I give it an A-.
Bats (1999)
Makes me think of the good ol' days, back to cheesy sci-fi films.
Hee hee, this movie is barrels of fun! Like I said in my one-line summary, it makes me think back to the 50's, or, the glory days of bad science fiction movies. It stars Lou Diamond Phillips (how's the career going Lou?) as sheriff Kimsey, Dina Meyer as Dr. Sheila (basically here so she can say things like "Bats don't kill people"), and some dude named Leon who is here to (there is not another black man in this movie) to play the comical(and stereotypical) African American sidekick. The movie also has not one original part. It starts out with (gee whiz, dis ain't never been in a horror film before)a young teenage couple making out. The male hears a creepy noise, so he rolls up the windows and drives away. No wait, that's what an actual person would do. As a traditional movie character, he, of course, goes out to investigate. And guess what happens to the couple. Duh, they're killed by bats. During any of the attack scenes, there is always a couple of close-up shots of the bats. Now, on a $6 million budget, they probably couldn't do much with the bats, but holy crap! These are some pretty fake looking super bats we got here! Anyway, if you're into cheesy horror/science fiction films, you'll probably like this movie. I once called this movie Plan 9 From Outer Space for the 90's, but Battlefield Earth stole that title so I's have to call this .....Hobgoblins for the 90's. That works better anyway.
Demonic Toys (1992)
This movie is hilarious!
I don't know what they were thinking when they came up with this movie, but I'm glad they made it. Definitely one of the most unintentionally funny movies of all time; this ranks up there with such "masterpieces" like Plan 9 From Outer Space and Battlefield Earth. I mean, did they really think they were really going to scare people with a bear sock puppet with obviously fake sharp teeth? In conclusion, if it's ever a rainy day and you're bored and you enjoy quality bad movies, then rent Demonic Toys. The story makes no sense. I think it had something to do with a demon who made the toys kill people or something.
The Skulls (2000)
One of the worst movies of the year
I was wrong when I said that Urban Legends The Final Cut was the worst movie of the year. Battlefield Earth was. But this movie took second place. The acting was terrible. Joshua Jackson (who usually isn't that bad an actor) completely sucked in the lead role. You didn't feel sorry at all for the reporter roommate who is killed. And the ending was hilarious(I challenge you to a duel!). Anyway, this movie had an interesting premise which was killed off by bad script, bad acting and pretty much bad everything. It's final grade is, of course, an F. This is just my opinion, but if you want to send me nasty e-mails, my address is dkuhar@elhauslero.org.
Urban Legends: Final Cut (2000)
The worst movie of the year
I don't have anything against slasher movies. In my opinion, Scream is one of the best horror movies ever. But this movie is just plain awful. It's disgusting just for the sake of it and is incredibly unoriginal. There was one scene where the killer feeds a girl's organ to a dog. The first Urban Legend was just okay, but there was no redeeming quality about this movie whatsoever. If you can't take much violence and gore, then this is probably not your kind of movie. My final grade is an F. By the way, to the people who liked this movie, don't hate me because of this bad review. This is just my opinion. Besides, at the time I'm writing this, the movie's grade is a 3.4 so apparently, more than just me hated this movie.
Judgement (1995)
Drop what your doing and go to AtomFilms.com to see this movie
This short was great. It had a great story and excellent performances. It's a surprise that the Academy didn't nominate it for best short film. Clarence Williams is a stand out as a man who is suspected of murder. Illeana Douglas and Matthew MConaughey (I probably didn't spell his name right, but name someone who can) are equally fine as a woman seeking justice for her uncle who was killed by the murderer and a deputy trying to straiten eveything out, so he can find out what's going on. It comes highly recommended and I hope anyone who reads this review goes to AtomFilms and sees it soon. I give it an A or A-.
Scream 3 (2000)
Better then Scream 2
This isn't the best out of the Scream franchise, but what do you expect. It's a slasher movie. I like the first Scream the best, Scream 2 was okay,and now this one. I liked this movie. One clever scene is the fax telling who the next victim will be. And the next victim is: He who smells the gas? BOOM! If you haven't seen this movie, you probably have no idea what I just wrote. But if you see this movie, you will. If you like the Scream franchise, you might like the humor they threw into it. Anyway it was pretty good and worth the money I spent to see it. I give it a B.
The Iron Giant (1999)
On my top ten list for best movie of the year
The best children's movie I've ever seen. In my opinion, the third best movie of the year. Not as good as American Beauty and the Sixth Sense, but still a wonderful movie.I give it an A+.I liked Christopher McDonald as Kent, because by the end of the movie you hate him a lot.Anyway,this movie is very good and I recommend it.
South Park (1997)
Don't watch if you don't like
I like this show a lot. It is easily one of the funniest shows on TV. Just because you think it's vulgar and crude doesn't mean that everybody who watches it is. I respect other people's opinions and if you don't like this show, that's fine. Just don't call all the show's viewers stupid 6 year olds for watching. We like it because we think it's hip? No, we like it because it's funny.
The Silence of the Lambs (1991)
My number one favorite movie of all time
This movie,in my opinion,is the best film of all time. Anthony Hopkins is creepy as hell as Hannibal Lecter and Jodie Foster is perfect as Clarice Starling. It's too bad that she won't be in the upcoming Hannibal, but I'm sure Julianne Moore will play the part well. A lot of people think I'm weird, this being my favorite movie of all time. I don't doubt them, but it doesn't matter. This is just a really good movie, but it does have some gory scenes so it's not for the squeamish. But anyway, I recommend it to people who like psychological thrillers such as The Sixth Sense and Psycho. See this movie, because there's a reason that it won all five of the major academy awards, which are best screenplay, director, actress, actor and movie. I give it an A+.