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Reviews
Le cinquième élément (1997)
A perfect blend of science fiction and comedy
"The Fifth Element" is sure to be remembered as a science fiction movie. However, it is no more science fiction than Monty Python's "The Holy Grail." It is, at its heart, a comedy -- and a very good one.
There are many key elements to a good comedy, but timing is the most important factor. Luc Besson proved himself a master of comedy timing. Not only does he have the actors (and props) cued to perfection, his film editing is done in a style later to become highly popular on the television comedies "Coupling" and "How I Met Your Mother." As one group of characters ends a scene, a quick cut to different characters continues the conversation with comedic effect. The real result is a non-stop volley of jokes, sight gags, and quick-cut timing that gives the viewer more of an experience than just a long wait for the big finish.
It should be noted that Luc made a risky choice of employing very few comedic actors in his movie. Bruce Willis was known for comedy long before he became an action star. However, Gary Oldman was more popular for dark brooding characters and Milla Jovovich was mainly known for being cute in skimpy clothing. As for Chris Tucker, this was his breakout role that cemented his character as "the mouth" - which he has continued alongside Jackie Chan.
In Bruges (2008)
For such a beautiful city, there isn't much to see
The fault of this movie rests entirely on the script. There is a reason that movies are usually written by one person and directed by another. The collaboration tends to heal the weaknesses that each side brings to the project. "In Brugges" was made without collaboration. The acting is great. The cinematography is great. The soundtrack (what there is of it) is great. The story is just written and directed in such a amateurish manner that the experience becomes an hour long wait for the "big finish" that is spelled out so completely in the overdone foreshadowing that all surprise and excitement is lost. Think of it as going out for dinner on your birthday and being told on the way that it is a surprise party, then being told who will be there, and finally being told exactly what present each person bought for you -- all before you even open the door to hear SURPRISE! It doesn't matter how good the party and gifts are. The experience is ruined.
Futurama: The Beast with a Billion Backs (2008)
Still Futurama... Still Just Futurama
I have mixed feelings about the new "season" of Futurama being released first as a multi-episode mesh of a straight-to-DVD movie and then chopped up into three separate episodes. I enjoy getting all the goods at once. However, I feel like I'm being tricked into thinking that three distinctly different episodes are actually one movie.
This "movie" is three very distinctly different episodes. There is the one that gives the movie its title. A beast from another dimension comes through a rip in space and wants to love everyone on Earth. There is a second episode in which Fry falls in love with a woman who has multiple boyfriends. In the third episode, Bender joins a secret robot club that has the motto, "Kill All Humans." Bender's episode was the best, primarily because it featured Bender. The jokes are frequent and well-timed, as expected from Futurama. The beast episode spent most of its humor in representing Fry as an intelligent leader of a new religion. However, Fry's episode was sappy and lacking in much humor. This is all to be expected. Take any season of Futurama and you'll find Bender-focused episodes to be full of great jokes. Other episodes are either funny or sappy (rarely a lot of both). By combining all three of these stereotypical Futurama episodes into a single movie, you will get a good dose of whatever you prefer - as long as it isn't Dr. Zoidberg (who had an abnormally small role in the movie).
Danny the Dog (2005)
A Classic Hero Movie
I have often explained the 'Hero Story' formula for story telling. This movie is a textbook example of the 'Hero Story' as defined by Plato.
First, show that your character is a hero. In the first ten minutes, Danny (Jet Li) amazes the audience as he uses every part of his body to inflict pain and injury to every part of the bodies around him. He goes from one scene to another, moping along in a daze. Then, his collar is removed and he explodes with a bloodthirsty fury. Of special note are the lack of wire-work scenes. Jet Li has been using a lot of wire-work in his recent movies, but this one is far more realistic.
Second, give your hero a crippling problem. In modern hero stories, the crippling problem is usually emotional. In Top Gun, the hero loses his partner. In Rocky, the hero has to choose between winning or his woman. In Star Wars, the hero has to deal with the fact that his father is the enemy. In Unleashed, the hero has a collar. It isn't as emotionally deep as other movies, but it works.
Third, give the hero incentive to fight the odds. Danny has no reason to fight his master, Bart (Bob Hoskins), until he befriends Sam (Morgan Freeman) and his step-daughter (Kerry Condon). These two characters are too sweet. It is like finding a pool of honey in your three-bean chili. Honey is good, but it can easily be out of place. The primary fault comes in placement. This is the third part of the hero story, but it is placed well before the halfway point of the film. There is only one part of the hero story left and half a movie to do it in.
Finally, the hero wins. Danny has to defeat Bart and save his new friends. Of course, he does it in a feast of violence.
Walking away, I thought that I will eagerly pick up the DVD if and only if it contains loads of deleted action sequences. The plot is formulated and simple, even though the acting is outstanding for this genre. In fact, I really didn't mind the mistake of starting the third part so early because it gave Morgan Freeman a lot more screen time. My only problem is the premature ending. I longed to see Danny and his new friends in New York, looking across the water to the Statue of Liberty. Then, a thief tries to snatch the girl's purse and Danny grabs his arm. You know he could kill the thief in a matter of seconds, but he just tells him "no." That would wrap up the story, letting you know that the hero has overcome his problem completely.
Fight Club (1999)
Who would want to see this movie?
Imagine a movie about an anonymous man. A lonely man. A depressed man. A man who doesn't realize how lonely and depressed he is. He doesn't allow himself to realize this, so it takes on a life of its own and keeps him awake night and day. This man is the main character of Fight Club, the anonymous narrator.
What would you do to find happiness? This movie examines the pathetic search for happiness in many forms. You will meet people with cancer looking for one last night of company with another person. You will meet supervisors trying to maintain control without putting their own career on the line. You will meet men after testicular cancer getting in touch with their feminine nurturing self. And, you will meet the narrator, wanting nothing more than to sleep.
Somewhere in this mess of depressed and sad people, two people emerge. The narrator meets a happy-go-lucky soap salesman who feels that anything and everything is fine if you just know yourself - really know yourself. He also meets a woman who derives her happiness from freeloading off the depression of others. Who should the narrator choose to follow? Through twists and turns, this movie leads you on an unforgettable journey to the truth - not the ultimate truth to happiness. It leads you to the truth about the narrator. That isn't enough for many people.
This movie is, therefore, for those who are willing to suffer with the narrator and ask nothing in return. It is one you will watch at least three times if you are into movies. You watch it once for the journey. You watch it again to see what you obviously missed when the truth is revealed. You watch it again when you realize that the tricks go beyond just the story and into the actual subliminal messages visible only by going frame-by-frame through the film.
*** A SPOILER FOLLOWS *** "Nobody should see this movie!" is what Rosie O'Donnell exclaimed on her talk show. "Shame on you Brad!" she added. "How many people with serious mental problems are going decide that the cure is to shoot themselves in the head!?" she asked in an apparent rage. Can a person miss the point of a movie any further? This is not a movie about a man with a mental problem who looks for a cure and decides that the best thing to do is shoot himself in the head. In fact, I'm sure that actual plot line went like this: I want to write a book narrated by a crazy man. He shoots himself in the end and dies. But, if he dies, he can't narrate the book. Damn. Maybe he lives by some freak way that the bullet passes through his brain.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (2005)
A movie that knows exactly where its towel is.
I first heard that Douglas Adams' radio show and novel was going to become a movie in 1984. Shortly afterward, I heard that the team chosen to make the movie had come up with a better script (Ghostbusters), so it would be a couple years before we could see The Hithhiker Movie. Those couple years apparently went off on holiday and stretched out to 20.
Waiting though my adolescence, military service, courtship, marriage, job, unemployment, college, and yet another job, I built up a bit of anticipation for the final product. I couldn't wait one day more. I called in sick to work and went right out to the theater on opening day.
When it comes down to it, the Hitchhiker stories are more than a bit silly. It does make some clearly sane observations about humanity: The function of the President is not to wield power, but to distract attention away from those who are truly in power. All in all though, it is a silly story of characters and events that you wouldn't believe even if there were a Vogon fleet a mere light-year away and closing in fast. That is, you wouldn't believe it unless there was also an Infinite Improbability Drive in the mix to make sense of anything that doesn't make any sense at all.
I deeply feared that the cast and crew would attempt to be serious. Imagine Monty Python performing Shakespeare with coconuts and funny walks - reverse that. I simply felt that a movie that was too serious would be a disappointment to the fans and turn the newcomers away. So, I was overwhelmed to be introduced by a silly song sung (telepathically) by dolphins, "So Long and Thanks For All The Fish."
It appears that I've neared my 1,000 word limit and I'm just getting to the movie.
As I walked out of the theater, I pulled my ticket stub out of my pocket to write my review while it was still clear in my mind: Excellent. Now, after digesting it a bit. Ford was a bit hard to follow. Trillian's eyes kept making me forget to pay attention to the film. Marvin and the Vogons were excellent, but I didn't much care for the babel fish. With that in mind, I've decided to revise my review: Mostly Excellent.
Ying xiong (2002)
Ying Xiong (Hero) is a masterpiece
Most people are quick to compare Ying Xiong (Hero) to Wo Hu Cang Long (Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon). They are both in the same genre, but entirely different movies.
While it is important to note that both films are masterpieces of cinematic opera, Wo Hu Cang Long is a throwback to the classic action epics of early Chinese films, similar to the swashbuckling films out of Hollywood. It makes no apologies for the silliness of the early films, including flying swordfighters. Ying Xiong is more of a play on those films and the stories that inspired them.
Jet Li plays a nameless assassin who offers the King of Qin the weapons of his three greatest enemies. In doing so, he tells a fanciful tale of how he defeated them with both his sword and his mind. Following this, the King explains what he believes took place. It is a tale of deceit aimed at getting the assassin in place to kill the King. Their stories are enacted on screen through a feast of color and sound.
Knowing a touch of Chinese history, it is clear that the King of Qin cannot be killed. He unites all of China under one ruler. Like watching Titanic while knowing that it would sink in the end, it is still captivating to see how the nameless assassin will react as the King uncovers his secret motive.
It is also important to note that all of the fanciful swordplay and flying takes place in the stories told by the assassin and the King, not in the parts of the film intended to be on a real world foundation. For those who were turned off by the unrealistic stunts in Wo Hu Cang Long, it is easy to accept the same actions in Ying Xiong.
Batman & Robin (1997)
Batman Reaches a New Low
I don't want to get into an argument about the title of the film. Let me just say that this makes no sense to me:
"Batman Forever" is the third movie in the series, in which Robin meets and joins up with Batman. It is the movie about Batman and Robin.
"Batman and Robin" is the fourth movie in the series, in which Batgirl meets and joins up with Batman and Robin. Being the fourth movie, it is a natural for the title Batman 4ever.
So, it is clear that the producers have no idea what they are doing when simply titling their films. That leaves me wondering what they were thinking when they came up with this plot.
Two women, Batgirl and Poison Ivy, cause trouble for the dynamic duo by, um, by being women? You see, in this film the main problem is that the superheros have trouble controlling their superhero testosterone. Can you blame a couple guys that run around in rubber suits all night with finely detailed abs and nipples. I noticed that they put a lot of effort into defining every muscle except one.
The plot is bad. The acting is bad. Arnold refuses to play a real bad guy. It is as though he doesn't want to ruin any future chance of running for political office. What this film really needed, besides a better job of naming it and better casting, was Tim Burton back at the helm.
The Piano (1993)
Great Soundtrack / Bad Acting
It is amazing how a soundtrack can blind the audience. The first 20-30 times that I saw The Piano, it was from a projection booth with only the clicking of the projector for sound. I could not hear the soundtrack. I quickly realized why Jane Campion (writer/director) fought with her producers to have Holly Hunter removed. Try watching the movie without sound and you will see it also...
When Holly wants to portray sadness, she opens her mouth and stares off into the distance. When she wants to portray happiness, she opens her mouth and stares off into the distance. When she is excited, she opens her mouth and stares off into the distance. When she is scared, she opens her mouth and stares off into the distance. Throughout the film, she doesn't change a single bit. What does change is the soundtrack.
After being tortured with this film for a month-long run at the theater, I finally saw it on video and I thought it was OK. The soundtrack makes the film. It makes it appear that Holly Hunter can act.
So, all in all, I'd suggest just getting the soundtrack and listening to it. However, you won't get a very brief shot of Harvey Keitel's penis. I was utterly amazed at the number of people who came to the movie just for a few frames of an ugly guy's penis.
Side note: One woman told me that she was planning to rent the movie, but she stopped watching art movies after the 'cutting off the finger' scene in Farewell My Concubine. I really wanted to tell her she would love The Piano, but I was nice. I told her to go get a snack when Sam Neill got the axe.
Zeisters (1986)
The worst film ever
This is by far the worst movie ever made. Many years ago, we used it as a torture contest. The person to be able to sit through it the longest won (or lost, depending on your idea of winning). I attempted it three times. The longest I lasted was 45 minutes.