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dario87
Reviews
Jason X (2001)
All Friday the 13th fans should avoid!
Being a fan of the Friday the 13th films and remembering them fondly due to a high amount of gore and nudity, Jason returns in this tenth installment but this feels more like a direct to video joke more than anything. Jason is in some weird lab and gets loose somehow (yeah, like in Jason Goes to Hell, I guess we must forget parts 1-9) killing people in a non gory fashion (how late 90's) and gets frozen. Now it's 455 years later and a group of students on a space ship find Jason who they unfreeze like a bunch of schmucks and now he's loose, killing them all.
There is NO gore at all, less than any of previous films and hardly any nudity that us men love to see in our Friday the 13th films. There is non stop comedic one-liners that must be put in all modern horror films, thus re-enforcing the fact that the horror genre is dead (thanks to Scream and I Know What You Did Last Summer). Is the audience now that stupid that they must need comedic scenes after all scary scenes? I actually think that moviegoers are getting more moronic as time goes by.
I am glad the film makers spat in the faces of all 80's Friday the 13th films and it's fans. Watching this bootleg version with all the "gore" intact (what a joke, go see an action film now if you want gore) made me realize that because of all the hip young actors making stupid jokes and not showing their privates, this film will gross a ton of money. Too bad, this just makes me want to go back and look at all the Paramount 80's Friday the 13th films. All of a sudden, Jason Takes Manhattan is a masterpiece
Wishmaster 3: Beyond the Gates of Hell (2001)
All of a sudden, 2 is now a masterpiece
Being a fan of the original and enjoying the sillyness of the second one, I hoped part 3 might deliver me the goods. But no, because now these direct to video sequels (Wishmaster, Candyman, etc.) just keep on getting worse. This time not even the guy who played the Djinn in the first two Wishmaster movies returns. That's a bad sign. The film has no name actors, shot in Canada (getting worse huh?) and sports the cheesiest tagline since Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation. The film has nothing to do with the previous two and deals with a bunch of bratty kids in a college dorm who uncover the Djinn. What happens is it takes the form of the kids's professor (seems like everyone in school has this teacher) and starts chasing them around campus killing them one by one. Too bad the special effects like either edited or very fake looking. When the Djinn is killed by a magic sword, I realized that part 2 has now become a classic. Typical direct to video.
What Have We Learned, Charlie Brown? (1983)
Charles Shultz at his best
This beautiful animated Peanuts Memorial Day Special is a must see for anyone who loves America. This is a sequel to the film Bon Voyage Charlie Brown and takes place right after the gang leaves France. The film is loaded with powerful WWII imagery and also talks about WWI which is also interesting. Linus's speech "In Flander's Fields" is extremely moving. Shultz was a WWII veteran and he delivers an excellent episode that everyone should see.
Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)
PUNISH!
Ok, this little controversial gem is a must for horror and holiday fans. I don't care what anyone tells you, Silent Night, Deadly Night is a better than average slasher flick. The story explains why the killer goes bonkers, you actually feel some sympathy for the Billy (the killer Santa Clause) and what he went through. Plus, he mostly kills other pieces of crap so you actually root him on. The gore is good (the antler scene is a slasher fans wet dream) and plenty of boobies flapping around in this. The movie even has lines like, "It's 7:00. It's over. Time to get s**t faced!" The movie was supper controversal when released and was pulled from theaters after a week and then re-released in 1985 around Easter time where the film bombed. Too bad too because this is a better than average slasher film and the BEST horror/holiday film. Better than Black Christmas, To All a Goodnight, Christmas Evil, and Silent Night, Bloody Night. Stay away from the poor sequels too. Remember: Pun
From Dusk Till Dawn (1996)
This is what horror movies should be like
From the very opening until the last gritty final shot, this
action/horror film is balls to the wall greatness. The script is
hilarious with some great dialogue mostly done by Clooney, the
special effects are amazing thanks to KNB (who got their start
working with Sex Machine's Tom Savini on early films such as Day
of the Dead) and Rodrigez camera moves so quickly and fast paced
that you will never catch your breathe. Many people don't like
this film because it goes from action to horror out of nowhere
but I loved that. Two of my favorite genres rolled into one. And
plenty of gore for any gore hound. Check out the awesome uncut
laserdisc (I have not gotten into the DVD world yet) for more
unc
My 5 Wives (2000)
Poor Rodney
I almost burst into tears watching this movie. Not from laughing but from the memories of a great Rodney Dangerfield movie. Candyshack was his first and stole the movie, Easy Money had him at his best, and Back To School is by far an 80's classic masterpiece. Then there was Ladybugs and that's when it started to show. Poor Rodney was getting old (Meet Wally Sparks was a slight step up from Ladybugs but not saying much).
In My 5 Wives Rodney plays Monte (a name he must love since that was his name in Easy Money) a rich (isnt he always) guy who loves women and gets married like its nothing. Well now he inherits a huge piece of land and since the land was run by the Amish, he inherits 5 Wives. This sounds like a great idea for a Dangerfield movie. The problem is EVERYTHING. The script is so poor that Rodney seems to be saying his one liners to the camera and all the side characters have nothing to do. The movie looks like it was shot on video with some really poor stunt sequences that are obviously not Rodney. Andrew Dice Clay plays a gangster who looks like he is dying to say the F word (which he should since the film is rated R but plays as if it was PG) and Jerry Stiller has a nice 2 minute cameo. Don't get me wrong, at times I did laugh at a few of Rodney's jokes but the poor man is getting way too old and way too slow. We can see his jokes coming from miles. And the film turns way too PC which thanks to the horrible 1990's, the 70's and 80's Rodney just doesn't work anymore.
The Groove Tube (1974)
Silly, outdated and unfunny comedy
Hearing about how hilarious this movie is, I finally rent it at
the video store and for 75 minutes maybe I laughed 3 times. This
movie, a collection of skits that make fun of television is an
incoherrent mess. The jokes fall flat, the humor deals with
issues from the 1970's that just aren't relevant anymore, and
the jokes go on way too long (almost like the new SNL skits the
past few years). Yeah, Chevy Chase is in this but maybe of all
about 1 or 2 minutes. I liked the fact that this was very
raunchy and had nudity galore but couldn't it be funny? Do
yourself a favor and rent Kentucky Fried Movie which is a far
superior film made in the
Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000)
Are they kidding???
I just got back from the theater tonight from seeing this film. The theater wasn't even filled up. That was not a good sign. After the movie was over, I can see why. This movie is so awful that Seseme Street Presents Follow that Bird was scarier than this movie. What made the original great (yes, great! As a avid horror fan, Blair With Project was GREAT!) was that it was original. This seemed like an episode from the old 80's Freddy's Nightmares. People complained that "nothing happened" in the original film. Well, NOTHING happens in this one. The acting is so terrible that the whole theater was laughing at it. The original film hardly had any comic relief moments, this one is filled with it. The original was shot like a documentary, this had "hip 90's music" and tons of great "pro-pot smoking" scenes that it made me ill. No jumps, no scares, horribly directed and it is obvious that the people involved with this film hated the original Blair Witch Project. Well, I hated Book of Shadow: Blair Witch 2 (which never explained what the hell the "Book of
Cannibal ferox (1981)
Gore Galore and more!
The other title and the more famous title is "Make them Die Slowly" which basically describes the whole movie. Watch this with I Spit On Your Grave and you won't sleep for a week. The film is made poorly, the acting is terrible, and some of the effects are really bad but some come off believably so this classic early 80's exploitation film works at times. But only watch this film if you have a strong stomach or your idea of fun is watching a woman getting her breasts impaled by hooks or a man's pecker severed off and then eaten
Ancient Evil: Scream of the Mummy (2000)
What the hell is this?
Who thought of this one? Granted, this direct to video movie does have a cool looking mummy but other than that, this movie is really BAD! The script is laughable to say the least. The acting is atrocious and there are maybe 6 people in the whole entire film, including extras (this is on a college campus?). There is no good gore or violence at all even though the body count is high it is all aftermath. Not even some T and A to tide us over. Just a poorly made movie with lots of idiotic 20 year old's swearing and overacting. Rent the Boris Karloff version
Rushmore (1998)
An underrated masterpiece
Without a doubt, this is a flawless and heart filled film that stands with One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest and The Graduate as one of the best black comedies ever made. Not once is there a single frame of film wasted. Bill Murray shines and gives a performance of a lifetime. The music works so well in the film.
The direction is on key and after his debut with Bottle Rocket, Wes Anderson proves he will become an expert film maker which he already is. Not gonna say much more, only you must see Rushmore
Silver Bullet (1985)
Great, gory fun
This is a good Stephen King adaptation. It's nowhere near as good as Carrie, Misery, or Shawshank Redemption but hey, it's better than Children of the Corn or any of those crappy made for TV movies. This is a fun and gory werewolf film that isn't very original but fun to watch. Gary Busey is always good and this was back when he was all coked up so his acting was better. The make up effects are from the man who did Alien so they work well. The music is laughable and out of place at times. Overall it's better than average and worth seeing