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Reviews
A Series of Unfortunate Events (2004)
Has good elements to it, but it is missing something
Perhaps it was the combining of three novels into a 105-minute film, or perhaps it was Jim Carrey going WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too much over the top (John Malkovich would have been a better choice for the Count), but this film left me rather cold.
There are a lot of things to admire about the film. For starters, the kids are great. The cinematography is something to sit back, let wash over you and admire until the cows come home. Thomas Newman's music is also excellent as well (make sure you stay for the end credits).
Yet, we feel detached from the movie and its proceedings. As mentioned before, there is a lot to admire. But in the end, do we walk away with any sort of emotion other than "Yeah, it was...okay"? With the cast and crew assembled here, one would hope for something more. Instead, we as the viewer are treated to one of the "Unfortunate Events": paying ten bucks to sit through this film.
Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001)
One of the worst films of the year
The latest overproduced, overstuffed, overhyped and completely unsatisfying craptacular to come out of the land of egotistical freaks this week is Tomb Raider, a borderline unwatchable piece of dung based on that limitless well of cinematic gold, the video game. One could say that those who love the game will manage to enjoy the movie, even those people would rather sit through Super Mario Brothers or Wing Commander twice over again before finding something nice about this $100 million joke.
Angelina Jolie plays Lara Croft, a rich British woman with big breasts who also happens to go hunting around in temples and caves all around the world in search of treasures and archeological antiquities. The quest for this film is some triangle that will allow the bearer of the piece to travel back and forth in time. Lara wants to use it to visit her father, Lord Croft (Jon Voight), who mysteriously departed this world in 1985. Of course, there is a nemesis to deal with and he comes in the form of Manfred Powell (Iain Glen), who looks more like a European hairdresser than he does an archeologist. He's working for some organization called Illuminati, who of course wants this mysterious piece for their own devious use (BWA-HA-HA!). The device only works during some sort of galactic lining up of the planets, so the ticking clock theory is in effect for the story (one could only wish for a countdown clock in the corner of the screen so we could find out when we could leave the theater).
I would really love to meet the blow monkeys who keep giving director Simon West steady work. Seriously, this guy has made three movies now (this pile of bile and two other trash heaps, Con Air and The General's Daughter) and they have all sucked really hard. He can't tell a story to save his life (let's give part of that blame to Michael Colleary and Laeta Kalogridis, the two chimps credited with the "script"), has no sense of character or pacing (to make up for this, he edits his scenes even more than Michael Bay does if you can imagine that) and he shoots his action scenes so close up that it is almost impossible to make out what is going on. There is plenty of action to be had, but who really cares about it if you can't see it? Where is the fun in that?
As far as the cast goes, it's simple: no characters to work with equals no performances to speak of. The one-liners that are given to Jolie, Noah Taylor as Lara's sidekick Bryce and Chris Barrie as her butler are
horrendous. Jolie herself looks the part, but she shows less life as Lara Croft than her videogame doppelganger does. Jon Voight has only a few scenes, and I am sure he is thanking God right now for that lack of screen time.
When a film like this sucks this hard, you can usually say that the visual effects at least are really cool. Not here. For a one hundred million dollar film, the budgets look like they cost about $3.00 (they must have spent the rest of the money on Jolie's padded bras).
It makes me sad to see a film like Moulin Rouge, one that shows enough
energy and life to fill three dozen Tomb Raiders, struggle to make $30
million dollars while this revolting film will probably make double that in its first week. There will be people, namely those who fantasize about the videogame Lara Croft (she's only zeroes and ones. She's NOT REAL!), that will defend the film saying, "What did you expect? The film is based on a videogame! You don't know how to have fun!" To them, I say this: Get a life. Put down your joystick, walk outside your parent's house and instead of walking to your local brainwashing plant (multiplex), go out and meet a real human being that may interest you. Get to know them and discover a world beyond videogames and the revolting movies based on them. Then, if you still want to see a great action adventure film or two after experiencing the outside world, watch The Treasure of the Sierra Madre and Raiders Of The Lost Ark and forget that this ever existed.
Moulin Rouge! (2001)
A post-modern masterpiece
Baz Luhrmann's "Moulin Rouge" is a dizzying, completely over-the-top post-modern masterpiece of filmmaking. Daring, funny, tragic and above all exhilarating , this hyperactive musical is the shot in the arm filmgoers will desperately need after suffering through the latest bloated corpse of hype passing itself off as a movie. This film may not be for all tastes, but for those who are willing to try something daring and different, you will not be disappointed.
Shrek (2001)
A true gem
After months of bland and downright awful movies, Hollywood finally gets one right with "Shrek", the new animated fractured fairy tale from the folks at Dreamworks Pictures and PDI, who last collaborated on the 1998 hit "Antz".
The movie is about an ogre named Shrek, a creature who greatly values his privacy. When an arrogant little prince by the name of Lord Farquaad banishes the fairy tale inhabitants of his kingdom to Shrek's private swamp, the ogre goes to protest. Farquaad promises to remove the inhabitants if Shrek rescues the lovely Princess Fiona from a dragon-guarded castle so Farquaad can marry her and become King. With a talking donkey as his sidekick, Shrek heads off on the adventure of his lifetime.
Take that fairy-tale premise, sprinkle it with great voice talent (Mike Myers, Eddie Murphy, Cameron Diaz and John Lithgow), a smart and often hilarious screenplay (co-written by two of the people who wrote 'Aladdin'), solid directing from Andrew Adamson and Vicky Jenson and some of the best computer animation put on screen yet, and you have a comedy that will delight all ages. A must see.
3000 Miles to Graceland (2001)
Unwatchable
In an era where Hollywood has produced some pretty Godawful movies, this one ranks right up there with "Coyote Ugly", "Blair Witch 2" and "Mission To Mars" as the cinematic equivalent of a train wreck times ten. The only reason why I don't put "Battlefield Earth" in that batch is because this is worse. Yes, you read right.
Elvis has left the building all right. And he's taken every last shred of decent entertainment he could find with him.
Traffik (1989)
Television drama at its finest
I had been very curious to see the original six-hour miniseries that Steven Soderbergh's latest movie was based on, and now that I have, I am happy to say that one is not better than the other. They are both intelligent, involving and extremely entertaining. The only real advantage that the miniseries has over the movie is that it is three and a half hours longer, so we get to know the characters more in depth.
There isn't a false note to be had in this production, one that you should definitely make time for when PBS re-broadcasts this miniseries sometime in 2001. You won't regret it.
Gladiator (2000)
A rousing, vastly entertaining big-budget winner
While hardly the most original of stories (you can have a great time coming up with all the films that influenced it), "Gladiator" is a mega-budget Hollywood summertime entertainment that works magnificently. Ridley Scott's directing is solid, the screenplay has some nicely developed character shadings and the acting is superb. Russell Crowe turns in yet another great acting role, Joaquin Phoenix also turns in a winning performance as Commodus, while Richard Harris, Connie Nielsen, Djimon Hounsou and the late Oliver Reed all offer great support. Technically, the film is near-perfect and of course, those fight scenes are truly exciting. A great, entertaining, fun time at the flicks.