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Reviews
Savage Planet (2007)
Such a promising concept, such pathetic execution...
n.b. that while the "spoilers" box is checked, I promise not to tell you how it ends, but I will summarize the plot in some detail.
This movie had a premise like that of the show Earth 2 (which was somewhat cheesy, but had some definite highpoints), but did not live up to even that show's promise.
This film, and I use that term loosely, because if it was not made for TV it wouldn't even make the "straight to video" list, starts out with the "Earth is trashed" plot device, the ecosystem dying in some kind of standard issue post-apocalyptic haze of poisoned atmosphere and oceans.
Enter the mega corporation run by a standard-issue genre stereotype evil greedy autocrat. A teleportation device makes it possible to travel to a partially terraformed planet 20,000 light years away.
A small cast of caricatures is gathered to go down through the looking glass to this new planet, that shows promise of being a refuge for the richest elite of Earth to escape the product of their handiwork.
So far not so bad. (spoilers commence) Very shortly after the explorers arrive on the new planet, imaginatively named "Oxygen2" the suction begins in earnest. The interplanetary travelers are put upon by genetically mutated cave bears from Earth's prehistory (the explanation for their presence is thin and nonsensical) that commence to shred the explorers one by one.
The special effects are so cheesy as to be laughable, resembling a no-budget student film. The acting is little better. Over all it lacks what would otherwise be a saving grace for the cult film circuit, some "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes" type kitch. Do yourself a favor and skip this unless you are really, really bored.
Battlestar Galactica (2004)
As Fun as the Original, but will it "Make It" to the end of Season Two?
So twenty five years later, we are seeing a nicely done, contemporary version of the late 1970s SF classic. I have pleasant memories of being a young teen engrossed in the original, and would like to see this rendition make it for long enough to see what might become of it. While the visuals and acting are definitely carrying the show nicely, as is much of the character development. I only hope that the writing and plot development improve in time to see this show last another season or two, and that this shortcoming doesn't cause it to go the way of Enterprise's recent demise.
I'm bewildered though; when the IMDb says "in production" and we are coming up on the season one finale this week, there has to be a better way to describe this and differentiate the shows that are still running (new episodes in production) from those that have yet to hit the airwaves.
Just out of curiosity, does anybody know if this is phrased differently (better) or with more detail in the paid version?
Blood Diner (1987)
First year film students, take heart....
.... no matter how bad your film is, there is a chance someone will pick it up for distribution. Jackie Kong has really outdone himself with this one. Some of his other movies that utterly fail as horror flicks are at least good low-brow humour (e.g. The Being, with a good number of so-dumb-that-its-funny scenes). This one, Blood Diner, that supposedly has a comedic element, fails in this regard as well.
Given an Ed Wood, John Waters, or Terry Gilliam kind of approach, this could have been a more deliberate kind of farce, and could possibly have actually turned into something that was at least mildly amusing to someone over the age of 12, which would be ahead of the game for Kong. I kept waiting for one redeeming scene or at least a good chuckle, but no luck. If this film was a little better it might be up to snuff for a Mystery Science Theatre 3000 kind of treatment.
I understand that there are references to other films in the "classic gore" genre, and having spent too long in film school myself, there is always the temptation to wax analytical about possible deeper content of a story. However, once a film is sufficiently lacking in merit, going that direction is rather like treating a manure pile as if it were a diamond mine.