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Revelation (2001)
5/10
Oh golly, it forms a pentagram!
27 March 2004
For a film so obviously ripped from the pages of "Holy Blood, Holy Grail", and the loathsome-but-funny "Templar Revelation", this film takes itself way too seriously. I guess with the bogus "Da Vinci Code" selling more than the bible nowadays, there's a market for so-called occult themed films, but honestly; even in films, it stretches credulity when "experts" of religious iconography are astonished at the fact that the egyptian ankh and the symbol of venus bears more than a passing resemblance. Or for that matter, when Sir Isaac Newton, in his monologue address himself as "I, Newton...". Oh, the pomposity! And then there's the matter of the phantom-ninja-templar-assassins and the apparently undying Udo Kier, whose strange powers are really never explained (except that they're EVIIIIL). Still, see it with a couple of like-minded friends for a good laugh (preferably with a couple of beers), but if your mind is liable to be "blown away", and you "really start thinking" by some self-important references to knight templars and goddess-worship; do us all a favor and rent Dr.Doolittle instead.
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Boat Trip (2002)
1/10
Bleurgh!
10 January 2004
My brain cells are frying! This is possibly the stupidest, unfunniest film I've ever seen. I can't understand how anybody could derive any sort of satisfaction from it. Somebody should form a posse, and go take away cuba gooding jr.'s oscar, as this man obviously should be a dishwasher instead of an actor. If there ever was a career-killer, this is it!
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