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Donnacha
Reviews
Get Carter (2000)
What? This ISN'T some sort of punishment, it's suppose to be COOL?!?
"My name is Jack Carter, and you DON'T wanna know me".
My God, why didn't I listen to him...
Bad. Horrible. Ugly. These are just some of the words I think are too GOOD to apply to this film, the latest load of monkey manure produced by Sylvester Stallone. He plays Jack Carter, a mob heavy (he goes round collecting on debts, although he's not nearly as cool as John Travlota in Get Shorty) in Las Vegas who returns to his Seattle home for his brother's funeral. When he finds out the strange facts about his death he concludes that it was murder, and he sets out to find out exactly what his brother was involved in... I know, I know, it sounds interesting. Too bad Michael Caine did it all before back in '71 with the first Get Carter. Not that I have anything against remakes in general but they shouldn't have taken what's supposed to be the epitome of Cockney gangster films and bastardised it in this fashion. Stallone, as usual, registers a 0.1 on the facial expressions scale and depends on his veritable stalloneness to carry the film. That's a pity when you see the list of great actors that fill out the cast - Miranda Richardson, Rachel Leigh Cook, Jon C. McGinley, Alan Cumming and (gasp) Michael Caine - relegated to plain scenery, supporting characters for Stallone, who needs all the support he can get in this film.
I'm not saying the awful acting is the only problem. Stephen Kay's directing is awful too, but he's a veritable newcomer at this. Maybe next time he won't go for weirdo camera angles and strange editing (quick cuts, sudden slo-mo, that kind of thing). The script is worse, and considering David McKenna also wrote the incredible American History X, I make no excuses for him. As for the music, it's positively dire, with some of the worst techno music ever to be used in film.
If you can, hunt down the original Get Carter. I hear it's good. As for this pathetic attempt at a gritty thriller... I think it should just get smarter.
Wo hu cang long (2000)
Ah, who knew brutality could be so poetic!
Cinema Unbreakable
Right, for my first little review of a film I decided to share my opinion of Ang Lee's epic Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon since I'm sure that any other film that would be more mainstream is already earmarked for praise and jeers from everyone else. If you haven't heard of this film, you will. It's one of those critical darlings, an Oscar favourite, on a parallel with those new ones like "Traffic" or "Cast Away". Well seldom have I shared the critical view with those journalists. Hey, first time for everything, because this film is SPECTACULAR. Some might be turned off by the sweeping story, the breathtaking visuals and the distracting subtitles... but hey, it's got GREAT fight scenes.
The obligatory plot summary: In turn of last century China, Li Mu Bai (Chow Yun-Fat) returns to his home after years of meditation, a venture to absolve himself of his legendary life as the greatest warrior in all of China. In an effort to forget his past and try to lead a new life, he gives his friend Shu Lien (Michelle Yeoh) the sword of Green Destiny (which he used throughout his warrior days) to give to his old friend in Beijing, Sir Te. It is at Sir Te's that Shu Lien meets Jen Yu (Zhang ZiYi), the daughter of the governor. Since Shu Lien's past is also filled with legendary war stories, the young Jen is fascinated with the image of the roaming warrior, partly due to her growing up hearing exaggerated stories about Li Mu Bai and Shu Lien, and partly because of her planned marriage. However, all is not what it seems, and when the sword is stolen, the story twists and turns as unstoppable enemies, past lovers and suppressed feelings all work against the main characters. Naturally I wouldn't want to give too much away since the story is so entertaining once it gets started. What I just summarized is only the first fifteen minutes. And then the fight scenes start...
Well, what can I say? If all you liked about "The Matrix" or "Charlie's Angels" were the fight scenes, then watch the masters go to work! This film has five-to-ten minute two-person battles with impossible jumps, graceful action and excellent, EXCELLENT fighting. But don't see this just for the masterstroke fight scenes; this movie is also a beautiful love story. While Jen yearns for her true love in the face of a life as either a stationary wife or a travelling warrior, Shu feels pain about never being able to show how much she loves her intended.
Okay, if I've lost your attention by now, I'll remind you it's got great fight scenes.
Chow Yun-Fat (Who knew he'd be better with one green sword than two handguns? If you don't know what I'm on about, see his Hong Kong work) is brilliant, even if he's not the main player in this film. Michell Yeoh and Zhang ZiYi are fantastic as the central characters (the title corresponds to them in the underlying theme of the film), always at odds with each other when all they want to be is allies.
Oh, I'm sorry, I went into the theme again. Did I mention the great fight scenes?
To sum all that up, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon is a wonderful film for any fan of foreign, action or movies in general. See it with anyone, because it's got something for EVERYone. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon; the best film I've ever read.
(And if you don't like subtitles, it's got great fight... okay I'll shut up.)
Charlie's Angels (2000)
A TV Update? Wow, this ALREADY sounds good!
Wow! An update of a tv program from the seventies! What a great idea! It'll surpass all those other hits, like "The Beverly Hillbillies"! Oh, the decision to remake Charlie's Angels... what a stroke of genius!
Golly! Look at that cast! Drew Barrymore! Lucy Liu! Cameron Diaz! They practically OOZE talent! I can't wait to see them act again! You know Drew was robbed of an Oscar for "Never Been Kissed"!
Gee whiz! What a plot! The laydeez have to recover a secret program from an evil computer company that allows voice recognition! Voice recognition... Ha! What WILL Hollywood conjure up next?
Gosh! The ACTION! These women can do all those Matrix moves... but in REAL LIFE! And they DON'T use guns, 'cuz GUNS ARE NOT NICE! The formula-one car chase, the parachuting sequence, the office explosion... well, I don't want to give it ALL away! It's just too brilliant, AND necessary to the flow of the plot, absolutely NOT gratuitous at all!
Fab! The director! This McG man (he's so talented he doesn't need a whole name), who haz up until now ownly done brash, superfluously overlowded muzic videoz, downplais hiz styl to takkle hiz furst phillm, dis soopur-intelidgunt akshun korporutt espionazh thrillurr!
Whoah! As in WHOAH! STOP! Just WATCHING this film made me feel stupid. I swear they couldn't have done a worse job if they had hired the three stooges. This film is so packed with tacky, kitchy CRAP, product placement, forced humour and awful, AWFUL performances that I would refrain from taking friends to see it for fear of them shunning you in public forever. Imagine a big bucket of syrup, and being forced to eat it for two hours. Then you won't even have to see the film to get the same effect.
Goodnight angels...
The Girl from Tomorrow (1991)
A great series
I grew up watching this series, and to tell the truth it's a very well thought out and highly imaginative take on the whole time travel genre. Instead of action heroes or vicious psychos using time travel to destroy each other, the young Alan is an accidental traveler who has to come to terms living a thousand years in the past. good stuff, see it.