El_Jefe Reviews

Devs (2020)

Shallow philosophy and obfuscated, simple sci-fi

[5/10 · 23 July 2023]

Imagine if someone took a simple, short story about the question of whether or not the universe is deterministic. Then take that story, stretch it out by obfuscating the entire background and slowly feeding past events to the viewer. Add in some Deus Ex Machina and you have this series.

The acting and characters are flat. The "deep" philosophy isn't. The conflict over whether or not we have free will is utterly nonsensical, and I don't mean from a philosophical standpoint, I mean from a plot and dialog standpoint.

This whole thing felt like a drawn-out, emotional bummer that could have been a 45 minute Twilight Zone episode instead.

Upstream Color (2013)

A Terrence Malick Film With No Payoff

[4/10 · 19 April 2023]

This movie is beautifully filmed, with good sound production, but is otherwise a complete waste of time.

I watched this movie because I loved Primer. As difficult as Primer is to decipher, at least it makes sense if you put the work in.

Having watched this movie, read the Wikipedia summary, and several explanations of the plot, it still doesn't make any sense. Fundamentally, the final resolution is nonsensical given the rules that the movie establishes!

Go watch a Terrence Malick movie instead. You'll get to enjoy beautiful cinematography and sound production, and you'll walk away with a feeling that you've watched something cohesive, if self-indulgent.

I'm Thinking of Ending Things (2020)

Uncomfortable and boring

[4/10 · 20 March 2023]

This movie is a complete waste of time. It's profoundly uncomfortable, boring, and there's no payoff. Maybe if you watch some companion videos explaining it, or if you read the book, it might be worth the arduous task of watching. However, a film shouldn't require explanation in order to -- at least -- be worth spending the time watching it (e.g. The Banshees of Inisherin).

This is, by far, the worst Kaufman movie that I've ever seen. It's just an uncomfortable way to waste two hours of your time, with no payoff whatsoever. Go re-watch Adaptation or Being John Malkovich instead, because this movie is A WASTE OF TIME.

Fall (I) (2022)

If you have *any* climbing experience, don't watch

[2/10 · 6 September 2022]

I dropped out at the 37 minute mark. Every detail related to climbing is absolutely idiotic and absurdly flawed. I mean, literally *every* detail.

The movie had me scoffing from the opening scene. Had the writers spent so much as an afternoon at a climbing gym or local climbing spot, they'd know how stupid this movie is. These morons are literally lead-climbing with no belayer and no connection to anything. Later, the two women are roped together with no anchor whatsoever between them! I get it, belaying is boring, but imagine how much better the film would be had *she* caused the death of her boyfriend rather than an implausible, nonsensical error on his part.

I guess the scenes can be a bit tense, but it's obviously awful CGI. Look at how the Bronco drives up to the gate, it looks like graphics out of a video game.

Gasoline Alley (2022)

Too sad to watch

[3/10 · 23 May 2022]

If this were made ten years ago, it may have been a really enjoyable flick. Sawa and, in particular, Wilson, perform great in their roles.

Unfortunately, Bruce Willis just looks confused and static in every scene. He stands around feigning interest as Luke Wilson does all the talking. Most of his dialog consists of single word responses, with many of them appearing to have been shot separately.

As a life-long fan of Bruce WIllis, it's just too sad to watch.

Expired (2022)

Blade Runner Without Charm

[2/10 · 22 May 2022]

Imagine Blade Runner, but with none of Harrison Ford's charm, mediocre cinematography, cheap digital effects, dull atmosphere, and a relationship you couldn't care less about. Also, instead of Ford's voice-over in the theatrical release, you get this sweaty guy mumbling nonsense.

Hugo Weaving was pretty good, though.

Panama (I) (2022)

An hour and a half of trash

[2/10 · 21 March 2022]

Did you like Narcos? Do you wish that there was something like Narcos, except complete trash?

If so, then this movie is for you.

Every single thing about this movie is awful. Awful sound production. Ridiculous characters. Uninteresting story. Poorly choreographed action scenes with excess shaky cam. This movie really has it all...

After Yang (2021)

Pretentious and boring

[4/10 · 9 March 2022]

Is everyone but the little girl a robot? Colin Farrell and Jodie Turner-Smith have zero chemistry or appearance of a meaningful relationship. They don't seem like parents. They seem like robot care-takers, like in Raised by Wolves.

The Sci-Fi elements are... dumb. Like the utterly pointless scene of Farrell trying to guess the right sequence of command words to an AI in a world with completely sentient robots. Make up your mind, can AI in this world understand natural human speech, or can it not? It all feels very "Boomer".

This is the worst thing I've ever seen connected to A24.

Mother/Android (2021)

Slow, but unique

[7/10 · 30 December 2021]

This movie starts out as a post-apocalyptic zombie flick, but with androids. It delivers a surprising and satisfying final third. Chloe was completely believable as a struggling mother-to-be, and the acting was entirely convincing overall.

Good if you like interesting takes on the android apocalypse. Bad if you need non-stop action.

Censor (2021)

Waste of a good cast

[4/10 · 2 December 2021]

It starts off dull, then gets a bit interesting, then plays out exactly the way you would expect.

It's got surreal elements to it. It reminds me slightly of Beyond the Black Rainbow (2010), but without ANY of the aesthetic appeal.

Snake Eyes (2021)

Unwatchable trash

[2/10 · 23 August 2021]

This movie is so awful that it makes the cheesy 1980s cartoon look like The Godfather.

Pig (I) (2021)

Full of itself

[5/10 · 26 July 2021]

Boring, pretentious, and painfully self-aware, just like Portland.

The entire movie fetishizes food and Portland. The acting is reasonable, but the dialog and characters are bizarre and hollow.

If you look at a picture of an overcast, rain-slicked Portland neighborhood with fall leaves blowing across it and think to yourself, "this is the pinnacle of art," then you will love this movie.

Infinite (2021)

Meh

[4/10 · 15 June 2021]

Starts out weak, with excessive narration. Gets a bit better, then it turns into a full bro-down with dumb gunplay, motorcycles, and UTVs, topped off with "fight" scenes that are just rapid cuts and camera angle changes.

Oxygen (2021)

Poorly manufactured drama

[4/10 · 16 May 2021]

The movie manufactures ALL of its drama by withholding information. That's a cheap trick, and that's all this movie does.

Once you know what's going on, information is STILL pointlessly withheld, solely to generate drama. I mean, literally EVERY SINGLE discovery or deduction makes you think, "wait, why didn't they just say that in the first place?" The entire plot of this movie could have been avoided with a simple infographic pasted to the inside of the hibernation chamber.

This isn't science fiction. It's pointless information disparity. Go watch Moon instead.

A Glitch in the Matrix (2021)

Waste of time

[4/10 · 14 May 2021]

It's a reasonably slick and watchable 'documentary' that features interviews and old footage of moderately-to-extremely insane people pontificating with no basis for their claims whatsoever. The story culminates in a literal schizophrenic psychopath who blamed violent video games and The Matrix for his actions.

I still don't understand why the interviewees were portrayed by 3D animated avatars. Must be a glitch in the matrix...

Thunder Force (2021)

Tons of fun

[7/10 · 3 May 2021]

I have no idea why this comedy is rated so low. It's a dumb "buddy comedy" starring two fat women. It leans hard into 80s references.

This isn't fine art; it's a fun way to spend two hours. Pull your panties out of your crack and enjoy it for what it is.

Run Hide Fight (2020)

John McClane 2020

[7/10 · 6 February 2021]

This is the closest thing so far to Die Hard for Gen-Z. School shootings are an unfortunate reality for kids these days. This is revenge-porn for the generation living under the threat of school violence.

People will scoff at this as murder-porn, but I've lived through Die Hard and Red Dawn. This is as relevant and fun as both of those.

Wander (I) (2020)

Great cast, awful movie

[3/10 · 10 December 2020]

It attempts to beat you over the head with a metaphor, but you're uninterested because it's needlessly confusing and grotesque.

Unhinged (I) (2020)

Profoundly stupid

[3/10 · 22 October 2020]

Do you like movies with painfully stupid female protagonists? If so, this is THE film for you.

Our protagonist is established as stupid and incompetent from the very get-go, when she oversleeps and misses an appointment. Turns out, that's just the tip of the iceberg!

She goes on to make stupid decisions at every single opportunity in the film. Just when it couldn't get any dumber, the writers decided on completely arbitrary technology rules, just to force another encounter.

Save yourself the frustration of yelling at the screen and go watch the original Halloween, instead. John Carpenter doesn't hate women and didn't make painfully stupid female protagonists.

Hubie Halloween (2020)

Classic Sandler

[7/10 · 14 October 2020]

If you like Sandler's classic, dumb-funny flicks, then this will be right up your alley. A fine film it's not, but it was laugh-out-loud funny in that absurd way that Sandler movies usually are.

High-Rise (2015)

Waste of time

[3/10 · 16 September 2020]

A beautifully shot, well-acted waste of time.

The high-rise is a simple allegory for class stratification. That appears to be pretty much it. The rest is just the grittiness of Fight Club without the cohesive message.

Rim of the World (2019)

What's with all the hate? It's not for adults.

[7/10 · 29 May 2019]

The plot and dialog are inane, and the dialog mocks this very fact at one point. The language and jokes are often times crude. You know why? It's a 2019 movie for 2019 adolescents.

This isn't ET. This isn't The Goonies, though you're getting closer. This is a movie for adolescents in 2019. If I were 13 or 14, I would love this flick.

Don't show this to your six year old and then clutch your pearls when sexual innuendo comes up. Don't watch this as an adult and roll your eyes at the derivative, predictable characters. Let your adolescent kid watch it and enjoy it.

Prospect (2018)

Solid, small-budget sci-fi

[8/10 · 11 February 2019]

This isn't space battles, explosions, and flashy visual effects. Instead, it's a well-acted story about people, that happens to be set in an interplanetary context. Great aesthetic and prop design, an interesting mix of futuristic and retro.

Super Dark Times (2017)

Complete waste of time

[3/10 · 12 November 2018]

This is "90s kid" nostalgia horror. A group of kids with zero chemistry witness something terrible. The implausibly awkward protagonist finds himself in a budding relationship that doesn't make any sense. A grand finale happens, and you're left wondering what the point of the whole thing was.

It was a completely unrewarding waste of an hour and 43 minutes.

Supercon (2018)

Makes 100 minutes feel like 200

[3/10 · 16 October 2018]

This is a strange mess of a movie. It mocks comic-con culture, yet it's so deep into it that I don't even understand half the references. It's full of good actors, but their roles are disappointing and the editing is appalling. The entire movie grinds to a halt for excessively long scenes that don't have any relevance to the plot. Of all the mistakes made in this film, the editing is probably the worst.