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mrbrianm
Take a freakin' guess what industry I'm in.
=)
Reviews
Ocean's Twelve (2004)
What's the point?
I think this should have been more accurately titled "12 Well to do folks and our European Vacation home movie extravaganza!" While cute and occasionally clever it just seemed pointless. But then again, there is making a sequel to cash in (as if anyone needed to) then there's making a sequel because everyone involved had a great time the first go-round. To it's credit, it's the latter that applies in this case. I can imagine someone, at some point saying "Do you really think people want to see us lollygagging around Europe just joking and hanging out?" To which, the reply was "well...yes...if not you, then him, if not him, then her..." and so on and so on. Still, it was better than 'Cats.'
The Gristle (2001)
Proof I am a glutton for punishment.
As comedian Richard Jeni once said, I watched this movie because I "kept believing it had to get better." I have recently enjoyed the 5 sequel to a film called "my boring toaster' in my kitchen far more than this. Actors? I get it they sometimes need to go thru some awful garbage to reach...not so awful garbage. I don't really have issue with them per se, besides pretty much all of them sucking in this one. My bone to pick is first with the writer. I wanted to ask whether he had the regular or the crayon box with the built in sharpener. And when he got released from the head trauma unit. This borders on parody in the 'what NOT to do" territory. It's only further proof to me that technology is taking over and machines run everything because i cannot imagine a human being anywhere on earth, from Bob the mailman to Pol Pot himself, ever OKing this. It mortally suffers from a 90+ minutes case of 'aren't I so witty with my crazy banter syndrome'. Plop that on top of.."I thought you wrote the plot? Me? No no I thought YOU wrote the plot" and you have a 'MoreMax' premiere showing at 3:55am on channel 791. The only two posiives at all that i can comb from this nightmare was 1. It did end (which nearly is cancelled out by the fact that it exists), and 2. I have seen worse. Granted I was 7 and watching my dog eat his own poop.
Avoid at all costs. Unplug TV in case someone unknowingly flips it on. This is so bad it actually makes the programs on surrounding channels at the same time suffer.
Tequila Body Shots (1999)
Holy crap...
The stupidest f*ckin' film ever. It physically hurts. I can't believe I actually saw what i did. Someone somewhere got fired for saying yes to this unbelievably horrid piece of dung. i feel like punishing myself for not killing myself 10 minutes into it.
In fact, I STILL feel bad.
Die Another Day (2002)
Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy
Alright, I'm not going to waste your time and delve into the psyches of the principal players at work on this one. I understand that everyone has their opinion but some people who tell you about "the fabric attempted to be woven" more often sound like pompous film school dropouts self inflating themselves. I liked this movie. Straight up. HOWEVER (here it comes), I think Bond may be headed into very dangerous MOONRAKER territory. This is an action film. Have no doubt in your mind. Not a spy film with action pieces (which is one reason why we like Bond.) In previous Bond films we get to see whoever might be playing Bond in interesting places with beautiful women up against nasty (although sometimes quite cheesy) bad guys. The 007 series seems to fall back on the outlandish whenever it gets stuck. And this movie seems to have been stuck from the beginning. Now this is my personal opinion of course but I always liked the more realistic edge to the Bond movies (ie Goldeneye, Octopussy, The Living Daylights). Ok maybe it because I'm older but seemingly innocuous questions seem to bother me throughout this film . Like for example, how did he get his fancy car all the way to Iceland in time for him to be driving it when he arrives. Planes are faster than boats folks! Also in a hotel made completely of ice where do you put the electrical sockets (and HOW!). I understand this film has to compete with all the recent blockbuster action extravaganzas but they pull it off better because that's all they claim or intend to be. Bond however, has a built in history working against it in this film. With all that being said, I actually liked the film. But as for a Bond movie? Ehhhh. Hey it was a nice action movie and worth my 11 bucks (I live In L.A.). But I feel that everyone involved was either underused (Rick Yune for example) or misused (Pierce sporting that 'git me outta my cell block' look. All in all however, I did enjoy this. I don't think it'll make anyone's favorite list but it was better in a away then the last two heaps of...well you know. And I don't even want to get started on Madonna. It's rare that someone can have so little screen time and yet have so much damaging effect. And that song? This isn't a rave missy! It is a James Bond 007 movie......well kinda.
My Big Fat Greek Wedding (2002)
Fine, but I don't see the big deal.
OK, I finally folded and saw this with my girlfriend this weekend. I'm not usually someone who does what the crowd does but I relented and checked it out. I was definitely entertained but it seemed that more than half of the audience were laughing and having a good time because they thought they ought to. With all the press this movie has received I honestly expected more. I did however enjoy myself so I would recommend this to anyone who wants to have an enjoyable evening but if you are going in believing all the hype, you will be sadly disappointed. I'm all for success for anyone who is able to achieve it but i think this one should be put into the 'fluke' and 'bandwagon' category. Lightning has apparently struck this movie, but there are a slew of other romantic comedies I have enjoyed more.