Change Your Image
LordOfTheForest
Reviews
Blonde (2022)
Best film I've seen in a long time
This is an absolute masterpiece. Top notch in every department. When I read other reviews I knew I was in for something special, one way or the other. Obviously, this one is not for the Marvel Superhero Popcorn crowd. The average American moviewatcher (well, goer is not the right term anymore) seems unable to cope with it, as well as the people idolizing MM. Must feel pretty European arthouse to them. I wasn't interested too much in MMs story, and so THIS version of her life is an unexpected an unusual portrait. To me, it is a perfect example of a filmmakers movie. Very interesting handling of the storyline, top sound, stunningly beautiful photography, elegant editing. Go for it! (Bonus: Ana des Armas' world class nipples ;-) ...)
Spiderhead (2022)
Stupid. Period.
That's how Americans imagine how an "intelligent" film should be. Total waste of time. Watch anything by Alex Garland instead. While we're at it: Chris Hemsworth is a pretty boy, but playing a scientist is a bit above his weight. Even nerdy glasses dont really help.
Marseille (2016)
Mon Dieu...
Decent tech departments, but this is a cheap soap opera. All silly clichés are en place, each and every social interaction is or becomes UTTERLY contrived and unbelievable. What a waste...
BAC Nord (2020)
Generation of the Talentless
No talent and want to have a career in music? Be a rapper.
No talent and want to make a movie? Do a cop/gangsta film like this one..
No idea, no story, no flow, no rhythm, WHAT A WASTE.
Tech depts good.
Biggest achievement: to lure the money out of Netflix coffers for this piece of uninspired amateurism.
Sum1 (2017)
OMG
Avoid at all cost!
Story, Plot, Pacing... the makers have never heard of things like that.
Decent camera, sound and music, but we take tthat for granted these days, do we not?
Definitely in the all time bottom 3 I ever watched. And I'm in my fifth decade.
Beowulf (2007)
Sick...
Worst movie of the Year... easily and by miles! If you want something like this, switch on the Playstation. Especially after 300, this one doesn't even push the boundaries technically. What's wrong with Zemeckis? But then, this will be good for his purse... and his purse only! I've been to a theater with approx. the core target group and everybody was moaning with disappointment. Warner's managed a mega start here in Germany, but I am absolutely sure BEOWULF will be an excellent example that you can buy the opening weekend... but then go nowhere by word of mouth. The strategy was clever though: Madame Jolie naked! Well, don't get fooled (oops, is that spoiler alert now??): you won't miss a thing. She's obviously not modeled on the real thing but on a Barbie doll LOL. All in all: if you're a fan of the genre, lean back, relax and wait for the DVD.
Dresden (2006)
Jeez, not again!!
What a bloody nuisance! You can't get on subjects like these with TV budgets and some smartass director who can't tell the difference between a Lanc I, II and III. All the silly clichés are well in place; on the character and human level the story is so schmaltzy and unbelievable it hurts. And all those responsible get carried away with joy for the brilliant ratings. Tech details: rubbish. Lancs flying that close would have kicked each other out of the sky by the dozen. Single engined night fighters attacking line astern: ridiculous. As I said: made up by a director who I bet never even heard the name Lancaster before that project and some kid 3D guys who turned Lancs into waddling ducks. But these are minor things compared to the overall mediocrity of this film. Although it might be too harsh I dare say this hurts the memory of those who died on both sides. TV crap, entertaining the dumb masses who don't care anyway. Shame on those responsible. Use your brains next time. And enjoy the profit you made from it.
Joyeux Noël (2005)
Euro Pudding rides again!
One hoped that this was all over: Euro Pudding Films. Taking cash from many countries, and in return each country has to get a reward somehow. Here goes...
The story is a "natural" for this, involving three countries clashing. With a director and not an auteur this could have been a very nice basis for a decent movie. But the director simply struggles: Three story lines, one dimensional characters, questionable talent (Krüger just can't act, can't even dub her lines properly, Fürmann has been, is and will be a poser, and both of them can't even deliver proper lipsync singing performance. Rest of cast is OK, with Daniel Brühl again a brilliant stand out; the man's just got it, presence, you now what I mean. Technical credits soso, just OK for these days. In parts very bad editing (eg. going from mid shot to mid shot with different light set up on Krüger, awful). BUT the movie is just BORING. I found it difficult to sit through. OK for DVD. Don't spend money on a cinema ticket. It's a bomb in Germany and now I know why!
Mystic River (2003)
Why bother the silver screen?
Spoilers within! Good actors, relaxed direction, but why bother the silver screen with this tv story? Some messages come across quite questionably: killing a freak who is aching under his burden anyway, and then getting away with this unharmed. Hm. Makes you wonder. A little boy's father is taken, and neither he (as Clinty seems not to give a s*** for him) nor his Mum react in a decent way. If this is so in American reality,they should get more penalties as they recently had. If it's not like this, why flogging the old clichés? And then, hey, Sean Penn, try to find your own way. That's the next impersonation of Robert de Niro. It's a good one, but impersonations are ridiculous (and pointless) in themselves. So overall the film is not really a waste of time, but... Eastwood doesn't get it right with every flick.
Dolphins (1999)
Dated pictures, no talent
Want to see an average 1986 commercial, directed by a guy with a big mouth and not much talent? Enjoy!! Farhad Yawaris debut displays an array of "Been seen before" ingredients and bores to death. Including the wasted orchestral soundtrack, which is nice for 5 minutes but from there just goes on and on... All in all: what a waste of time, energy, talent and money.