Change Your Image
ChaseMc
Reviews
The Godfather (1972)
Well worth the time
I find it extremely disheartening that people would complain about the length of "The Godfather." Unlike most movies of the three hour duration, I find that when I view "Godfather," not once do I look at my watch or think about how long it is. And that is simply because it is the closest thing to perfection on film that we have yet to see. Never once do I question it when I see this ranked as the #1 film on various lists. Coppola, despite a shaky career of hits and misses, created a structural story so memorable and unmatched that it must have the three hour length to fully develop into a nuanced story, setting the stage for its successors. And I challenge anyone to find a more memorable screen performance than Marlon Brando. So for those of you who don't like three hour movies, you'd better stick to the 90 minute masterpieces like "Cruel Intentions" and "Gone in 60 Seconds." You'll probably understand them better.
Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000)
Ruins the integrity of the first one
BW2 is so intent on impressing people that it goes to great lengths to poke fun at its much-superior predecessor. It ends up completely bastardizing the first one, portraying it as a laughable piece of fiction. The first one may not have been the scariest movie ever made, but it was far more innovative and original than this trite sequel, which is so full of plotholes and inconsistencies.
For example, how can the Blair Witch call our insipid group on their phone and pretend to be the town sherriff? Does she have a Nokia like everyone else? I find that a bit too "Scream"-ish. Second, the Blair Witch must have attended some incredible film school to know how to edit and manipulate the group's video footage.
The first one gave Elly (the witch) the powers that she should have, powers to destroy and instigate confusion. In the second, she is reduced to a mere "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" witch who's a little too 1990s saavy.
There is nothing redeeming about the sequel. It is not the least bit scary, and the ending is extremely anti-climactic, while I dare say I've never seen a better ending than the first one. The acting is horrible, and any complaints about Heather Donahue will be quickly silenced one you've seen the performance of any of the five leads. Save your money and don't even wait for video. Forget the details of this and let your imagination create a much better follow-up to the first one.
Mommie Dearest (1981)
I'm NOT mad at YOU, I'm MAD at the DIRT
As if someone else needs to, I must profess my undying love for, simply put, one of the best worst movies ever made. The movie is so horrible, so utterly out-of-line and lacking in narrative, that I feel near nausea when I put it in the VCR approximately once a week. God help any friend of mine who says they have not seen Mommie Dearest. I converted two people this weekend, and both are now happily reciting the lines incessantly (but not as incessantly as me). Getting to the point, the film's flaws make it truly brilliant. The movie takes itself so seriously and has absolutely no scenes of intentional comedy that it is a damned gold-mine of laughs. Listen as Faye stumbles on her words when she's dragging Tina to the pool closet. Laugh in horror as Carol Ann "ages." Shriek with giddy delight when Tina tells Christopher to "strap yourself in." I could go on. And on. And on. The acting ranges from the severely sedated (Rutanya Alda, Diana Scarwid) to the sublimely mediocre (Mara Hobel) to, well, the heights of Faye Dunaway. With the advent of DVD and all that it can do for films, I see no reason not to put Mommie Dearest in a double disc DVD streaming with extras. The trailer alone would be a euphoric delight. So I now hand over the torch to the next person awaiting his or her turn to state why YOU love Mommie Dearest. And remember, IF YOU CAN'T DO SOMETHING RIGHT, DON'T DO IT AT ALL...I'M NOT MAD AT YOU, I'M MAD AT THE DIRT...IS THAT THE ONE YOU LIKE THE BEST? THEN THAT'S THE ONE YOU CAN KEEP!...I'M BIGGER, AND I'M FASTER, AND I WILL ALWAYS BEAT YOU...THERE'S NOT A SINGLE COVER UP IN THIS CITY THAT I DON'T KNOW ABOUT AND YOUR HAND IS IN EVERY ONE OF THEM YOU WREAK OF IT!...TAKE OUT THAT BITCH OF A BEARING WALL AND PUT A WINDOW WHERE IT OUGHT TO BE!...DON'T F*** WITH ME FELLAS, THIS AIN'T MY FIRST TIME AT THE RODEO!
Mildred Pierce (1945)
Yes, film noir...
In response to the criticism about Mildred Pierce's film noir classification, the characters in a film have little to do with establishing a film as "film noir." Mildred Pierce is by all means film noir. The majority of the movie takes place in flashback form, it centers around a crime, and the chiarascuro (dramatic use of black and white) is just very prevalent. Other film noirs were not comprised completely of characters who were "up to no good." In Chinatown, Jack Gittes (Jack Nicholson) was a morally upright character, and in L.A. Confidential, arguably the last great piece of film noir, Ed (Guy Pearce) and Bud (Russell Crowe) are both good people. That said, Mildred Pierce is a film noir character because she has secrets from the past that implicate people she loves in murder. While the film does have a soap opera feel to it, so does every other film from the 1940s. Mildred Pierce neatly fits the mold of "film noir," and anyone who would argue otherwise obviously does not know the meaning of the term.
The Next Best Thing (2000)
1 out of 10
Including "Body Shots," "Stop Or My Mom Will Shoot," "Teaching Mrs. Tingle," and even "Never Been Kissed," I have never walked out of a movie before the end. Until today. Thinking that "The Next Best Thing" might be an enjoyable yet sappy popcorn movie, I wrongly paid $4.25 to see it instead of going to class.
I knew that when Rupert Everett and Madonna started singing "American Pie" in a very solemn tone during a funeral, I was in for a bad movie.
The lines were hideous. I truly think that Madonna let little Lourdes write some the script. My two "favorites?": "When I die, I don't want to be buried or cremated. Just chop me up into little pieces and put me in the freezer next to the frozen pizzas for thirty years." "Dear God, wherever you are, could you please hook me up?"
Both ludicrous lines were uttered by Madonna, who is arguably the worst actress since Pia Zadora or Sophia Coppola. Did she admire Anjelica Huston's lighting in "The Addams Family?" She certainly seems to think that backlighting will make her look younger. Everett is downright silly in his role, never once convincing the audience that he has any interest in his character.
Director John Schlesinger has an impressive resume, including "Midnight Cowboy." Why the hell did he decide to do this? At least Julia Roberts had the good sense to steer clear of the movie. I'm sure she heaved a sigh of relief when accompanying boyfriend Benjamin Bratt (who plays Madonna's heterosexual love interest) to the premiere. By the way, the only enjoyable part of the experience was seeing the preview for Robert's "Erin Brockovich."
The movie is a bit too didactic and is constantly shoving several incoherent messages down the throats of the viewers. Never have I seen such an insipid and worthless waste of time. The next best thing to this movie would be ingesting rat poison or getting run over by a car.
Body Shots (1999)
One of 1999's worst
The tagline for Body Shots states that it defines the 90's generation. I certainly hope not. Such a statement would assume that the members of my generation are nothing more than uneducated, alcoholic rapists who only think about sex and booze. Each of the eight characters are completely one-dimensional with absolutely no redeeming qualities among the lot of them. The trailer hyped the movie as the next Graduate or Breakfast Club, hoping to draw comparisons to the far superior films. No, no...this movie has an uncanny resemblance to Showtime's worst B-grade tripe. Poorly written, poorly acted, and poorly directed, Body Shots will no doubt find itself among Ishtar and Stop Or My Mom Will Shoot as one of the worst movies of the century.
Drop Dead Gorgeous (1999)
Not for the easily offended...definitely for those with a sick sense of humor
In a summer where 'The Love Letter,' 'Big Daddy,' 'American Pie,' and 'Bowfinger' failed to make me chuckle, DDG was the one redeeming comedy of 1999. Set in the town of Mt. Rose, Minnesota, DDG focuses on the antics of a local beauty pageant in which the winner has a chance to go to State and possibly even Nationals. The cast here is top notch, with Alison Janney being the scene stealer (along with guilty pleasure Alexandra Holden as the reigning queen). As you laugh, however, you won't be able to help but feel guilty. Every minority, ethnic group, rich girl, poor girl, Lutheran, and eating disorder patient is mocked way over the top in this clever but wicked comedy. I have no problem admitting that I laughed non stop, but for those of you that don't enjoy darkest humor of the most sable hue, I'd advise you to stick with Adam Sandler or Eddie Murphy.
Trekkies (1997)
One of the funniest movies I have ever seen
First off, I have never seen a complete Star Trek episode in my life, including the various incarnations. I had a gut feeling that this movie would be somewhat amusing, and I was correct. My sides still hurt from laughing so hard. The movie examines the various lengths to which people will go to express their love for Star Trek. While it often seems that the movie is merely poking fun at the fans, those on camera seem to know that it is all in good fun. During the 90 minutes of hilarity, you will witness the infamous whitewater juror, a woman's dog that is forever dressed in a Star Trek outfit, a dentist's office named "Star Base Dental," and a 14 year old who knows the intricate details of each individual Star Trek outfit. I would obviously recommend this movie for Star Trek fans, and more so, I would suggest this movie to non ST fans. I know that it was well worth my money.
Titanic (1997)
Annoyingly Overrated
The acting was rather mediocre, the love story was no different than any other love story, and the movie has one hour too long. However, the sets were wonderful, the costumes exceptional, and the special effects unforgettable. The movie was good, but nonetheless overrated.
Simply Irresistible (1999)
Sarah Michelle Gellar shines again!
While I must admit that the plot holes in this movie are large enough to hide a third-world country, I was glued to my seat because of the fact that Sarah Michelle Gellar is a simply irresistible actress. Her facial expressions and body movements are so real and believable that the awkward plot and unexplained happenings are irrelevant. Don't expect a great movie; instead, expect a great performance from Sarah Michelle Gellar.
Cruel Intentions (1999)
Garbage of the worst kind
Take a cast consisting of *very* popular youth actors, put them in a motion picture aimed for teens, and what kind of audience do you expect to see the movie? Teens! Well, I wouldn't dare let children ever view this filth. The language is obnoxiously suggestive, and the explicit homosexuality runs rampant. I have nothing against sex/homosexuality/bisexuality, I just feel that we should not hype this kind of material as "fun" and "entertaining" for the youth of America when it is done in such poor taste. What kind of world are we living in when our children go to a movie to hear Sarah Michelle Gellar repeatedly moan "I wanna f***?" I am appalled that someone would release this material for a teen audience. We've already got enough sexual immorality in our political and entertainment industries, so why subject to youth of America to this crap? Whatever happened to the good old days of movies being comprised of *plot* and *acting*? I know that these are hard concepts for current filmmakers to grasp, but I am not alone when I say that I am sick of this rubbish constantly invading the cinema. And before you accuse me of being a grumpy adult, please realize that I am 19, this movie is aimed at my generation, and I still find it repugnant.
Blast from the Past (1999)
Should not have come to the present...
I wanted to enjoy this movie, largely because I have always felt that Alicia Silverstone has received a bad wrap from the press. While I don't agree with them calling her "Fatgirl," I can say that the press won't be any friendlier with her new role in "Blast from the Past," due to the fact that this movie is almost unwatchable. Take a cast, two of which are synonymous with bad movies (Walken, Spacek), and one who has not appeared in any recent pictures (Silverstone), and watch them struggle through this movie. At times, I couldn't tell if Silverstone was playing Cher from "Clueless," Emily from "Excess Baggage," or her "too cool" 90's character Eve. Walken, who has gone downhill since "A View to a Kill," continues to gain my sympathy for staying in the business. As far as plot goes, even far-fetched movies need certain elements of reality, and those elements are clearly lacking from the film. Adam, for instance, speaks French fluently, yet he has no concept of homosexuality? As far as characters go, Spacek plays an annoying mother to Adam who practically begs the audience to laugh at her. And Eve's overly-stereotypical-homosexual friend just makes you want to beat him senselessly. Somewhere between all these inane characters and bad acting lies a plot, which is sometimes forsaken for the "character development" that just doesn't happen. I won't even recommend waiting for this one to come to video. Be it in the near present or far future, avoid this one.
Psycho (1998)
Very very unnecessary
Alfred Hitchcock must be rolling over in his grave. I doubt that his vision for Psycho included Norman Bates masturbating. Why, why, why? Don't go into this remake expecting anything scary. If you're in the mood for a good laugh, however, then I suggest this film. Everyone in the audience laughed when Norman came out in drag as his mother. We also laughed when characters said such random and pointless lines as "Let me go get my walkman." And those are the two best adjectives for this movie: random and pointless. Gus Van Sant should have listened to the old adage "Leave well enough alone." This movie serves NO point whatsoever, and don't be fooled by the trailers; the scariest thing about this movie is that the audience can't stop laughing...
I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998)
Don't waste your money!
Despite the negative reviews that I had read, I was still hopeful that ISKWYDLS would be worth watching. It wasn't. The movie relies heavily on false scares, and it seemed that anytime any character opened anything, a dead body would appear. Not to mention the fact that there are SO many background characters that get hooked, and you're left wondering "Who was he?" Those who go to the movie trying to compare it to the first will be sadly disappointed. The movie takes itself so seriously that it ends up being funny. And as for acting, I was also disappointed. Brandy bragged about her acting skills in many interviews, but I guess that some scenes were cut, because I never got the impression that she was a convincing actress. I really want to try to think of something good about the movie, but it's hard. The ending and hopelessly contrived plot twist will leave you thinking "I paid money for this?" To those of you that are STILL going to see this movie, I just wish that I would have paid attention to all those people that said "Don't go see it!"
Simon Birch (1998)
Not quite the book, but not bad...
I read the WONDERFUL novel, "A Prayer for Owen Meany" by John Irving, long before I knew that Hollywood would embark on a filmed version. When I heard that this movie was in production, I could only come to the conclusion that the novel would be impossible to film. I was right. The movie wasn't bad, but it left out SO MUCH of the novel. Like...the fact that Owen's (Simon's) destiny was related to the Vietnam War was completely overlooked. I am glad that John Irving had most of the names in the novel changed for the purpose of the movie. Simon Birch is adorable, "BUT HE'S NO OWEN MEANY."