Reviews
The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974)
Not as scary as, say, the fact that Carrot Top has a movie
I realize that this is one of the first slasher films, and I have a good quarter century bias against this film, but it really isn't all that scary, and that's coming from someone who was frightened of "Gremlins" as a child. Most of the scenes cut away from the violence immediately, and it's back to riveting "where did our friends go?" waiting around scenes. Also, the backwoods hick nature of the family makes them more comical than scary, so the last thirty minutes of the film is just sort of silly, like a weird Beverly Hillbillies/Addams family hybrid. My questions are: what happens to the trucker who initially stops to save Sally? She gets away, but he's stuck there with Leatherface and all he did was help her out. Also, could the wheelchair guy be more whiny and useless? Lastly, were the teens and their van based on "Scooby-doo?" Every time they were in that green van, I was waiting for Scrappy to come and ruin the fun. And in the end, this film is like an episode of Scooby-doo with Scrappy: subpar. There are Muppets scarier than this.
Varsity Blues (1999)
Hey, I Liked "Johnny Be Good" Too!
Was I the only one in the theater old enough to remember "Johnny Be Good" and the fact that this is awfully similar? I liked "Varsity Blues", not because of its disappearing plot lines or the acting (some of those accents were positively terrible), but because it hearkened back to the mindless "havin' fun" films of the 80s. An unflinching amount of T&A, jocks being untouchable by the cops...I have new hope for MTV pictures. But they still have to explain "Joe's Apartment" to me.
Night Train to Mundo Fine (1966)
Oh, the humanity!
I realize this is just yet another post on an overcrowded site, but we all need to vent after seeing this film. I have watched it several times in an attempt to discern what exactly is going on, and it sort of fits together...until that whole "throwing the old guy down a well" thing. I mean, sure, there are plot holes big enough to put Coleman Francis through, but it's still sort of a story until that point. I still don't understand who the group was that invaded Cuba, though. Were they mercenaries, because there was some garbled mention of two one thousand dollar payments made (which enticed the trio to sign up in the first place)? Where did this money come from? The government? If so, you'd think they might have thrown a little more money that way, and maybe had an invading force in double figures. AGH! See, this is what this movie does to you! It laughs in your face with its ineptness, knowing you can't count fast enough to put a number on its flaws! Another Crow quote: "I see the movie has finally thrown up its hands and just said, 'I don't know.'" This film does contain one moment that still makes me laugh, however: when bombs are going off all around their jail cell, we get a super close-up of the repugnant Coleman Francis saying "Bay of Pigs", in a voice I will spend the rest of my life trying to emulate. It's easily one of the stupidest scenes film has ever recorded, and I'm surprised the film didn't spontaneously burst into flames from the shame.
Executive Target (1997)
A laughable treatise
This film's primary objective seems to be to test the viewer on how good they are at suspending their disbelief. Surprisingly, money WAS spent on this film, and there are enough car chase sequences to make even William Friedkin happy, but every time a car hits another car, it explodes immediately. Every time. Also, I got a hoot out of the closing sequence, where two helicopters are shot down, and then two different (read: cheaper) helicopters are shown on fire, hitting the ground. Different colors and everything.
American History X (1998)
best film of 1998
An amazing depiction of a racist skinhead's transformation to a non-racist after a jail sentence. Edward Norton is brilliant, the direction is strong, and for once, it's a fairly accurate portrayal of skins (the racist ones, anyway). Thankfully, it avoids the silly stereotypes that previous skinhead films like Romper Stomper and Skinheads: The second coming of Hate resorted to and I'd say this is unquestionably the best film of 1998. Everything about this film was right on. My brother and I left the theater speechless and in awe.