Reviews
Willa: An American Snow White (1998)
Charming and different
I saw this on PBS a few years ago on a Christmas afternoon and my family and I were entranced and delighted. This is the familiar story transported to the American South in what seem to be the 1920s. The evil stepmother is an embittered and insanely jealous stage actress, the stepdaughter is lovely and talented, and the seven dwarfs have been replaced with a traveling medicine show. It's simultaneously down-to-earth and darker; the stepmother's fate is rather gruesome.
This is part of a series of classic fairy tales directed by Tom Davenport, all re-set in rural America. I haven't seen the rest but if they're as good as this film then they'll be worth checking out. Davenport is going to be honored by the American Film Institute soon and I also understand that the whole series will be available on a DVD set, which I may have to get as soon as I can!
Dungeons & Dragons (2000)
Unbelievably bad
One of the worst movies of its time. This stinker was so terrible that even the makers of the game now mock the movie.
The acting was terrible, the dialog stilted and artificial. Marlon Wayans so annoying, and the character he played was demeaning. Snails was a character who deserved to die. Jeremy Irons was obviously slumming; in interviews he openly said that he did this film for the money. His performance was over-the-top ham at its worst.
When I saw it in the theaters, people were either walking out or laughing when the movie was trying to be serious and dramatic, or staying stone quiet when it was trying to be funny.
This film has an overall juvenile feel to it, and probably would have been good for children had it been less violent. As it stands, it's a piece of garbage.
Voyage (1993)
Yuck
Tepid at best. The story is so cliched that within the first 15 minutes I was able to guess everything that was going to happen in the movie. It held no surprises for me.
And...let's talk about the miscasting. Rutger Hauer was obviously middle-aged, and it's blindingly obvious that Roberts is at least a decade younger, and yet we're supposed to believe they're high school classmates? Give me a break! That sort of sloppiness is inexcusable.
Another thing that really offended me was how they made Roberts' wife bisexual. It had absolutely nothing to do with the plot or the story; it was just there to increase the "ick" factor and make people go "ewwwww!" I hate that sort of thing with a passion. It's a cheap tactic, one that I think we all should just bury and forget.
There could have been a lot more tension in this, but the story's predictability hampers any suspense. Also, the fact that they regularly go ashore robs the plot of any of the claustrophobia that marked DEAD CALM.
I found this film memorable only because it was so bad. A trite story, so-so acting (and Hauer looks terrible!), and bad writing and direction make this a loser.
The Time Machine (2002)
Simon Wells Spits on his Grandpa's Grave
H.G. Wells is spinning. No doubt about it.
Really, this would have been a decent sci-fi/adventure movie, if it hadn't been based on a classic novel and directed by the author's grandson. I kept hearing about how this would be the definitive version of the novel. What resulted was a pathetic and simpleminded bastardization.
The novel is a great sci-fi story but what a lot of people miss when they read it (probably because they read it when they're very young) is that it's overflowing with social commentary. The Eloi and Morlocks are a satire of the class distinctions of Victorian England, and the overall message of the film is that EVERYTHING DECAYS AND DEGENERATES, a satiric jab at Victorian complacency and their belief that their civilization would last forever. There's no love story, no romance with a beautiful Eloi woman....in the novel, the Eloi are 3-foot-tall childlike beings with a mental capacity not far above that of an animal. The Time Traveler does befriend an Eloi woman but it's clear he thinks of her more like a pet, and anyway she's killed before the novel ends.
This movie first tries to give us a totally stupid backstory as to "why he wants to travel through time." The treacly romance and the Lessons He Must Learn are enough to make film fans vomit.
The journey into the future is punctuated by a future disaster. OK, not bad, but it would have had more punch if we had been allowed to see that mankind just generally degenerates, as in the book. More a reflection of the times, I guess, as the George Pal version had a nuclear war take place.
The general story? Ugh. A total misrepresentation of the novel. The Eloi are too competent and warlike. The Morlocks are too intelligent. The UberMorlock is an embarrassment, and there's no setup. He just shows up in time to be killed. Yawn.
Samantha Mumba does OK. Guy Pearce is one of my favorites but he often seems confused and in pain. (Reportedly he broke a rib while filming this.) He also looks unhealthy and overly thin, as if he had been ill for a long time before making this.
A sad, sorry film version of one of the world's classics. H. G. Wells deserves better....MUCH better.
The Vampire Lovers (1970)
Fun Hammer flick
Also a bit of a history-maker, if I understand correctly. I read that this was the first horror film to include nudity and therefore be rated R. Before this horror films were considered kid's stuff.
Based on a short story by J. Sheridan Le Fanu, this also launched the lesbian-vampire craze of the early 70s. It spawned one direct sequel, LUST FOR A VAMPIRE, and one indirect follow-up, TWINS OF EVIL. It also spawned numerous knock-offs, all more or less explicit than this...films like VAMPYROS LESBOS, VAMPYRES, BLOOD SPATTERED BRIDE, DAUGHTERS OF DARKNESS, etc etc etc.
Ingrid Pitt is a memorable vampiress; her aura of menace and evil is exceptional. Kate O'Mara is memorable as a governess who falls under Carmilla's spell. Peter Cushing does well in a very small role.
Not a great film, but worth catching. I'm told this is a favorite with lesbian audiences, who give it a ROCKY HORROR/MST3K treatment.
Ten Cents a Dance (1931)
Good Naughty Fun
This relic from before the days of the Production Code and the Hays Office is good fun, not great but entertaining.
Based on a song by Rogers & Hart that was an enormous hit at the time, the story revolves around dance hall girl Barbara Stanwyck who is romanced by wealthy businessman Ricardo Cortez (who was indecently handsome), but whose heart belongs to her bookish neighbor Monroe Owsley. She and Owsley marry, but keep it a secret, while she dismisses Cortez, who still holds out hope. She helps hubby get a job in Cortez's company, but married bliss quickly turns sour as Owsley develops a taste for the high life and steps out with a college sweetheart and gambles in high-stakes bridge (Yup! I know, it's pretty funny....). Finally he embezzles $5,000 from Cortez, and is about to go on the lam, when his devoted wife goes to Cortez....and I won't reveal anything else, although the ending was certainly a surprise.
Stanwyck is the best thing about this movie; in one of her earliest roles she's quite accomplished. Owsley is the weak point; he's unattractive and sniveling, while Cortez is amazingly suave and sexy, while his performance is earnest but unremarkable.
While ostensibly a drama, it's filled with laughs, many inadvertant as some elements of this movie have aged very poorly. But there are a lot of good witty lines; at one point Stanwyck says to Cortez, "My brains are in my feet, while yours are in...." That's pretty darn suggestive for 1931! There's a lot of bawdy and suggestive stuff in this flick, in the last days before the Code clamped down and whitewashed everything. An amusing antique, a good reminder of how far we haven't come in 70 years....this story could very easily be changed to fit 2003 but could keep the basic plot, with the original ending, in place.