- Tom Wambsgans: [to Greg] I want you to go on a mission for me and body-shame ATN. Find the fat and point it out.
- Connor Roy: Very funny. Yes, I'm still applying for the job of President of the United States.
- Tabitha: Good for you.
- Roman Roy: Do you think that that's, like, a natural progression from "never done nothing, never" to "most important job in the world?" Like, could you get a little experience at like a CVS or something first?
- Tabitha: Yeah, or just, like, nickel handjobs under a bridge. Start small.
- Tom Wambsgans: Well, thank you very much, and fuck you, and I'll catch up with you later.
- Cyd Peach: Not on your dying day, baby.
- Cyd Peach: So that's where we shape the debate.
- Tom Wambsgans: Oooh. Cool shit. And I love the way the debate keeps on getting shaped like a burning cross.
- Cyd Peach: You don't share our news values?
- Cyd Peach: We hire people who want to work here, and we serve a demographic of highly, highly intelligent viewers who are really tired of being patronized elsewhere by latte-sipping douchebags with hundred dollar haircuts.
- Roman Roy: [to a trio of random Vaulter employees] Could I maybe interest you all in going for one of those fuckin' IPAs that looks like run-off at the carwash?
- Kendall Roy: [announcing to the Vaulter staff] Everybody, if I could just have a second. I just wanted to update you on a couple of developments. Some of you may have noticed servers are down and we're setting a satellite office on seven, and I'm afraid I have to inform you, you are all dismissed. Yeah, you're all fired. So, if you can leave your laptops where they are and hand in your passes, security will be coming around now. I've been through everything you've shown me. Food and weed, those are the only two verticals driving revenue, so we're folding them in and uh... yeah, you're free to leave.
- Nate Sofrelli: So, did he actually even see my draft?
- Shiv Roy: Uh, no. In the end, I just thought the draft Kelly and I did had more, uh, goodness.
- Nate Sofrelli: As in...?
- Shiv Roy: As in it had the quality of being good rather than the attributes of being shitty.