PC Drakes: Howdy, y'all. Much obliged for the fine welcome to this here East Lincolnshire Shire Sheriff's office. We're gonna be making us a few changes around these parts.
[laughter]
PC Drakes: As our nation's president once memorably said... "Y'all fired!"
[laughter]
PC Drakes: [Guns click]
[Room falls silent]
Bill Hixon: That's a pretty good accent. What were you going for, West Texas? Lubbock?
PC Drakes: Er, I don't really know, sir. Just, you know, cowboy and that. John Wayne or...
Bill Hixon: Are you still talking?
[He sighs]
Bill Hixon: I've never actually been to Texas. I have, however, been to UCLA, where I got my degree in criminology. To go along with my master's from Yale. I also have a doctorate in statistical mapping from MIT. Although, I don't use the whole doctor thing, cos nobody likes a wise-ass. Isn't that right, PC Drakes? But you are right about one thing. Your government demands a 10% cut in your budget... to go along with a 10% reduction in crime rate. And that's where I come in. I was America's top metropolitan police chief three years running. I ran departments in San Diego, Denver, Miami.
PC Sean Cobley: And now East Lincs. What the Sergio Agüero are you doing here?
Bill Hixon: My ancestors are from here. Boston, Lincolnshire. Came over on the Mayflower.
PC Drakes: Really, sir?
Bill Hixon: Fuck, no. I'm the best at what I do. You need what I do. Your numbers are bad. I'm here to find out how bad.
DS Alex Blair: You can't police with numbers.
Bill Hixon: I'm almost glad you said that. 21st-century policing is only about numbers. Length of time to charge is now 18 days. That's four days worse than last year. Crime convictions are down 15% to 9%. There is one area in which you're succeeding. You have the highest murder rate in the country. So, congratulations on that.
PC Sean Cobley: I've got some bugger nicking satellite dishes off council estates. You'll not catch bugger from behind a laptop, will ya?
Bill Hixon: I could police this whole county from Miami Beach with a cellphone and good Wi-Fi. But I'm not on a beach. I'm here. For some reason... Oh! I almost forgot. The inspirational stuff. My dad was a cop. Patrolled the same beat from the age of 18 until they forced him out at 67. I watched it grind him down, year after year, like trying to beat back a wildfire of social disintegration with a fly swatter. That's not gonna happen to you. When I leave here, you will have lost your grey frowns and defensive negativity, and you will actually want to come to work. And that will do a lot more to help you and the community you serve than a pat on the back and some more bullshit about how policing is all about people. Yee-haw!