Nostalgia Critic (TV Series)

A Christmas Story Live (2018)

Doug Walker: Nostalgia Critic

Quotes 

• Nostalgia Critic : Since pretty much the dawn of television, live shows have been a very regular thing. But they've had a bit of an explosion these past five years. Shows like "The Sound of Music" with Carrie Underwood, "Peter Pan" with Christopher Walken and "The Wiz" with Queen Latifah have been raking in big numbers for NBC. Clearly because they were good, right?

  [a clip of "Peter Pan Live" with Walken as Captain Hook is shown, and the Critic is nonplussed] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Awkward kitsch is a kind of good.

• Nostalgia Critic : Not wanting to be left out of the musical equivalent of Dogs Playing Poker, FOX decided to throw their head into the ring with "Grease Live" with Vanessa Hudgens and "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" with Laverne Cox. The specials apparently did well enough to warrant what FOX was hoping to be their crowning achievement of hokeyness, because Lord knows we haven't made it hokey enough already, "A Christmas Story".

• Nostalgia Critic : In America's need to destroy this movie, "A Christmas Story Live" does its best to turn that small-town innocent family classic with a hint of an edge into a tacky singing Hallmark card covered in falling glitter with an unfunny joke inside. But where a card only gives you a second of annoyance, this one delivers two hours and fifteen minutes of cyanide fruitcake! And that's *without* commercials. *With* commercials, it's three goddamn hours!

• Nostalgia Critic : This special is like a forgettable ugly sweater that someone paid millions of dollars to glamour up, creating an even more forgettable ugly sweater. It's the kind of special that rips out what was charming and fresh from the original and replaces it with what Google Translate would interpret as charming and fresh. It's a miserable experience from beginning to end, so let's look it over from beginning to end. This is why Christmas can't have nice things.

• Nostalgia Critic : This is why Christmas can't have nice things.