- Sigrit Ericksdottir: Are you gay?
- Alexander Lemtov: What? No. Of course not. I am Russian.
- Sigrit Ericksdottir: No?
- Alexander Lemtov: There are no gay people in Russia.
- [Alexander is backstage, applauding after Fire Saga's performance in the finals, when Mita walks over to him]
- Mita Xenakis: Good for you, Alexander.
- Alexander Lemtov: I still win, of course, but... I am happy for them. How could I not be?
- Mita Xenakis: You deserve to be happy, too.
- Alexander Lemtov: Mother Russia does not agree.
- Mita Xenakis: Come to Greece with me.
- Alexander Lemtov: Hmm... I do like the statues. Maybe we get a yacht. I look fantastic with tan.
- Mita Xenakis: Wouldn't know, I haven't seen you with a real one.
- Lars Erickssong: I can't take this shit, okay?
- Sigrit Ericksdottir: Okay!
- Lars Erickssong: [indicating a lot of shit with his hands] It's, like, this much shit.
- Sigrit Ericksdottir: I know!
- Lars Erickssong: [indicating less shit] I can maybe take this much shit, but it's up here!
- [indicates more shit]
- Sigrit Ericksdottir: It's a lot of shit!
- Lars Erickssong: [screaming] Shit!
- [a nearby ice shelf collapses]
- Lars Erickssong: [quietly] Shit.
- Lars Erickssong: Hey, Americans! Are you having a good time in Iceland?
- Bill, Brittny, Jenn, Jeff: Yeah!
- Lars Erickssong: Well, we hate that you're here.
- Lars Erickssong: So why don't you go back home, all right? Don't you have some traffic to sit in with your monster trucks and your chili corn dogs?
- Sigrit Ericksdottir: [trying to redirect Lars] Okay, Lars.
- Lars Erickssong: Why, I have some opiates for you, you can take, while you over leverage your credit cards and you buy too many houses.
- Sigrit Ericksdottir: [trying to quiet Lars] Okay. Wow. Hey! Hey!
- Lars Erickssong: No, I'm not done! I hate you! I hate your guts!
- Olaf Yohansson: Hey, Lars! Get back in there right now and play Ja Ja Ding Dong!
- Lars Erickssong: No, we are done for tonight!
- Olaf Yohansson: You have to play it!
- Lars Erickssong: Why do I have to play it? I already played it.
- Olaf Yohansson: I don't care! You have to play it again!
- Lars Erickssong: Tell me, when will it be enough for you?
- Olaf Yohansson: IT WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH! I ONLY WANT TO HEAR JA JA DING DONG!
- Lars Erickssong: Fine, I'll play it! I'll play it. We're having a break.
- Olaf Yohansson: [to the crowd] Hey guys, he's going to play Ja Ja Ding Dong!
- [cheers]
- Lars Erickssong: [holding intricately carved knife with shocked look on his face] Thank you! Enjoy the biscuits! I'll just leave the knife here... in case... you have to... . do other murders!
- [commentary during the Eurovision semi-final]
- Graham Norton: Now the moment we've all been waiting for: Iceland. Every performance is an adventure with this group. They're called Fire Saga and why they're here is anyone's guess.
- Neils Brongus: I'm so sorry about tonight. They were... awful. Next year it will be better, I promise! We'll send someone else. Just... anyone.
- Graham Norton: [commenting on Fire Saga's "Double Trouble" performance] We're hearing voices... So they're not dead...
- Sigrit Ericksdottir: Lemtov, I need to ask you something.
- Alexander Lemtov: Sure, sure.
- Sigrit Ericksdottir: Okay... ehm... are you gay?
- Alexander Lemtov: Wha-...? No. No, no, of course not. I'm Russian.
- Sigrit Ericksdottir: No?
- Alexander Lemtov: There's no gay people in Russia.
- Sigrit Ericksdottir: Statistically speaking, I think that's impossible.
- Alexander Lemtov: It's true, I'm 100%...
- Sigrit Ericksdottir: Gender-fluid?
- Alexander Lemtov: ...fact-of-truth not gay Russian.
- Sigrit Ericksdottir: Non-binary?
- Alexander Lemtov: No, no, no non-binary. I "he-him" pronoun. He-him.
- Sigrit Ericksdottir: [softly] Okay.
- Jorn: Iceland could win the Eurovision Song Contest for the first time in its sixty-year history. What's wrong Victor?
- Victor Karlosson: If she won... that means that we then host the contest for the next year.
- Jorn: Ah yes. The winner of the Eurovision Song Contest hosts the following year. Yes, you're right, Victor.
- Anna: Maybe it could be in Keflavik.
- Victor Karlosson: Oh, sure. Fantastic idea.
- Anna: Thank you.
- Victor Karlosson: But perhaps, Keflavik, a town of 15,000 people, lacks the infrastructure to host 42 countries and over half a million people. I'm afraid the cost of hosting will bankrupt the whole country.
- Jorn: [laughing] What?
- Anna: And why should we listen to him? Huh? The brilliant financial men of this country nearly ruined us ten years ago.
- Jorn: You were one of them