- Lilith Bathory: [to Jack] You're not in charge here.
- Hamish Duke: [to Lilith] No, I am.
- Hamish Duke: [to Jack] You, stop trying to call the shots.
- Hamish Duke: [to Lilith] You, stop trying to kill everybody.
- Alyssa Drake: Oh, my God, Jack, stop. I almost died.
- Jack Morton: Because the kiss was so good?
- Alyssa Drake: No. Forget the kiss.
- Jack Morton: I'd rather not.
- Jack Morton: You can't just storm the temple on this one. That place is defended with a fuck-ton of magic spells
- Hamish Duke: That's ten shit-tons. Impressive.
- Jack Morton: What if we make it worse? What if we save these five people and then he kills a thousand?
- Hamish Duke: I won't let that happen.
- Jack Morton: He lit his hand on fire as a parlor trick. You go at him, he's gonna put you down, and then none of this is gonna matter.
- Lilith Bathory: It's gonna matter to those five people.
- Jack Morton: Oh, whatever, Kill-ith.
- Lilith Bathory: Okay, I love that nickname, but this is still wrong.
- Renee Marand: Would you kids like a drink, some hard drugs, an orgy?
- Alyssa Drake: Uh... We should probably get going.
- Renee Marand: How disappointing.
- Lilith Bathory: [walking among the dying] Why would anyone agree to this?
- Hamish Duke: 'Cause they were already dying. Weren't you, old man?
- Piper: Uh, fucking cirrhosis.
- Hamish Duke: The spell said "willing sacrifices." Who else would be willing to die?
- Jack Morton: Uh... I couldn't sleep.
- Alyssa Drake: Me neither.
- Jack Morton: Do you wanna sleep together?
- Alyssa Drake: Absolutely.
- Jack Morton: Shouldn't we at least go out and look for evil doers?
- Lilith Bathory: You did not just say "evil doers".
- Hamish Duke: Look, Jack, being a Knight is a sacred duty.
- Randall Carpio: [Chuckles] Ha. "Doody".
- Jack Morton: Are we kidnapping these people?
- Kyle: What does it look like?
- Jack Morton: It looks like we're kidnapping these people!