- Jack Morton: [preparing to hunt down a werewolf] You want me to take a gun to school?
- Peter Morton: What? That's bad now?
- Jack Morton: Do you watch the news ever?
- [Jack awakens outdoors, stripped and with a penis drawn on his forehead]
- Kyle: Wow. Looks like dick face can't handle his liquor.
- Jack Morton: Listen, Amir, do me a solid, though, okay?
- Amir: What?
- Jack Morton: Get back to your dorm. I think whatever killed Weston and Drea is still on the loose... and I like my friends not dead.
- Amir: Okay. I mean, not dead is preferred, so, yeah.
- Clay: You look like I feel.
- Jack Morton: Sorry to hear that, 'cause I feel like death.
- Clay: I wonder if Weston feels dead.
- Jack Morton: That's pretty cold, Clay.
- Clay: Dude, think about it. One minute he's just across the hall, the next minute he's gone. Makes you wonder if he was ever really alive.
- Jack Morton: Yeah. Clay...
- Clay: After all, what do we really know about him before he showed up here? How do we even know if he actually existed? How do we know if... any of us actually exists?
- Jack Morton: Clay. Do you mind? I need some time alone.
- [on bistro placard: "Today's special tomorrow's ok"]
- Randall Carpio: Dude, are you seriously asking me on a werewolf hunt?
- Jack Morton: And clearly I'm the Mayor of Crazytown, and I'll be going.
- Randall Carpio: Because I am IN.
- Jack Morton: What if I'm wrong?
- Randall Carpio: Dude... what if you're right?
- Randall Carpio: [joining Jack's werewolf hunt] Pretty badass, Morton, using fellow students as bait.
- Margaret Crain: [smiling pleasantly] You expected this bag of herbs to protect the Neophytes how, precisely?
- Vera Stone: [matching her pleasant smile and demeanor] Ah, at the time, we were dealing with an unidentified threat.
- Margaret Crain: And now it's identified?
- Vera Stone: I have an operating theory. The disciples are researching more specific defenses as we speak.
- Margaret Crain: I'm sure the victims will be reassured by your commitment. If only we could resurrect them from the dead.
- Vera Stone: Yes. If only.
- Jack Morton: [theorizing over the murders] What if... what if they were being eliminated to make room for someone who couldn't make it on his own?
- Randall Carpio: So... you're the killer.
- Jack Morton: Not me, dumbass.
- The Golem: I suppose I should probably thank you. Because of you, I live again. I have a purpose.
- Jack Morton: What did I do?
- The Golem: Well, you figured it out, but now... now I have to kill you.
- The Golem: [sincerely as Jack struggles for air] Does it hurt? Death? No-no, I'm not trying to be a dick. It's a legit question. Oh, you obviously can't answer me. That makes sense. How long does it take humans to die?
- [Jack continues his desperate fight for air]
- The Golem: Okay, now I feel like you're just being a dick.
- Peter Morton: It's gonna be okay, sport.
- Jack Morton: Naw, I can't even think that, 'cause from where I'm sitting, I'm boned.
- Peter Morton: Sounds like you got yourself a werewolf problem.
- Jack Morton: Just like that? Werewolf?
- Peter Morton: Well you got another explanation?
- Jack Morton: No. But I actually saw it and I still can't believe it. And you're all like, "Hey, Wednesday, must be a werewolf."
- Vera Stone: Magic swirls all around us. It is in the air that we breathe. Please, do not be so naive as to think we are the only ones who could harness its power.
- [pause]
- Vera Stone: Find out everything you can about werewolves. Especially how to kill one.
- Jonas: Silver-...
- Vera Stone: And God help the first one of you that says "silver bullets".
- Jonas: ...Bull bullfrogs.