- Carson: I refuse to allow Homeland's undefeated season to be tarnished with an asterisk. I won't accept a forfeit. So you're going to play us.
- Happy Quinn: Why should we help you? You tried to put my roomie in prison.
- [nods towards Cabe]
- Carson: You two were roommates?
- Happy Quinn: Yeah, while him and I were engaged.
- [nods towards Toby]
- Toby Curtis: While she was married to him.
- [nods towards Walter]
- Walter O'Brien: Before I dated her.
- [nods towards Paige, who just smirks at Carson]
- Carson: Damn freak show in here... Look, you're gonna play.
- Toby Curtis: [answers cellphone] Hap, I'm a little busy right now.
- Happy Quinn: Okay, I need you to use that manipulative shrink-brain of yours and call Kyle Dirk's limo driver. Pretend to be his manager, and tell him to run down the street to get Dirk a sandwich for the ride home. And hurry, the event's winding down and Dirk will be out any second.
- Toby Curtis: Okay, but I'm a little concerned 'cause it sounds like you're gonna kidnap baseball star Kyle Dirk.
- Paige Dineen: Hey, I am tired of you razzing my guys. You wanna know the one thing lamer than a bunch of nerds playing sports? The guy who makes fun of those nerds. And I'm not a nerd. I'm a jock. One more word outta you, and my foot, and your goody are gonna have an unpleasant meeting. Got it?
- Announcer: By 'goody,' do you mean wiener?
- [Paige nods]
- Announcer: Then I got you loud and clear, sister.
- [Paige leaves]
- Announcer: That is one helluva woman.
- Walter O'Brien: It was a white lie. Paige taught me all about white lies, I did it because I knew she'd feel bad that I overheard her mocking the lecture.
- Florence: I told you. It was all benign.
- Toby Curtis: It's a white lie if you brought me. Bringing a woman, that's a tan lie. Bringing a woman that you dreamt about, that's a brown lie. Bringing a woman that you dreamt about kissing? That's a black lie!
- Walter O'Brien: Preposterous.
- Toby Curtis: If it's a white lie - go tell her.
- Walter O'Brien: ...Okay, maybe it's beige.
- Sylvester Dodd: [as the ball is thrown over the catcher's head] He missed the ball, Walter come on home!
- Paige Dineen: Slide!
- [Walter slides into home face-first just as Carson tags him short of the base]
- Umpire: You're out!
- Carson: You're out! You missed the plate!
- Walter O'Brien: [coughs as he sits up] Yeah, but... you missed the ball.
- [He produces the softball in one hand as he leans over and taps home plate with the other]
- Walter O'Brien: There we go.
- Umpire: Safe!
- Announcer: Do you believe in science? Scorpion wins, Scorpion wins, Scorpion wins!