Hazbin Hotel (TV Series)
Pilot (2019)
Monica Franco: Vaggie
Photos
Quotes
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Angel Dust : [Angel seen sitting inside a limousine playing with the powered window switch that rises up and down, he then notices an annoyed yet furious looking Vaggie glaring at him, also sitting inside the limousine] What?
Vaggie : What? What? What were you doing?
Angel Dust : [sighs] I owed my girl buddy a solid, isn't that a redeeming quality? Helping friends with stuff?
Vaggie : Not with turf wars that results in territorial genocide!
Angel Dust : Eh, you win some, you lose a few hundred.
[laughs]
Angel Dust : It wasn't that bad anyway.
[Angel continues to play with the powered window switch until Vaggie throws a dagger directly into the switch]
Angel Dust : Aw come on! I had to! My credibility was on the line.
[sighs]
Angel Dust : What kind of reputation would I have if people thought I was going clean. It just throws out my entire personal.
Vaggie : Your credibilty? What about the hotel? Your little stunt made us look like a fucking joke!
Angel Dust : No, no, no babe. Jokes are funny. I made you look... eh... Sad! And pathetic. Like an orphan with no arms... or legs, eh... oh with progeria! Great! Now I'm bummed thinking about it! This thing got any liquor?
Vaggie : Can you please try to take this seriously?
Angel Dust : Fine, I'll try, just don't get your taco into a twist babe.
Vaggie : Was that you trying to be sexist? Or racist?
Angel Dust : [sighs] Whatever pisses you off more. Is there seriously no liquor in here?
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Angel Dust : He looks like a strawberry pimp.
Vaggie : Well I don't trust him!
Angel Dust : To be fair, do you trust any man? Any men? Men?
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[Charlie investigates a knock on the hotel door, opening to her shock to see Alastor]
Alastor : Hel-
[Charlie slams the door. Processes for a moment then reopens]
Alastor : -lo!
Charlie : [Charlie slams the door again] Hey Vaggie?
Vaggie : Whaat?
Charlie : The Radio Demon is at the door!
Vaggie : WHAT?
Angel Dust : Uh, who?
Charlie : What should I do?
Vaggie : [scoffs] Well, don't let him in!
Alastor : [Charlie hesitates, but ends up opening the door] May I speak now?
Charlie : You may.
Alastor : Alastor! Pleasure to be meeting you, sweetheart! Quite a pleasure! Excuse my sudden visit but I saw your fiasco on the picture show, and I just couldn't resist! What the performance! Why I haven't been that entertained since the stock market crash of 1929!
[entertained laugh]
Alastor : So many orphans...
Vaggie : [Holds up Alastor with a spear] Stop right there! Cabrón hijo de perra! I know your game, and I'm not gonna let you hurt anyone here! You pompous, cheesy, talk show shitlord!
Alastor : [lowering Vaggie's spear] Dear, if I wanted to hurt anyone here...
[turns demonic]
Alastor : ... I would had done so already.
[returns to normal]
Alastor : No! I'm here because I want to help!
Charlie : ...Say what now?
Alastor : Help!
[laughs]
Alastor : Hello? Is this thing on? Testing! Testing!
[Alastor nudges his microphone staff]
The Microphone : Well I heard you loud and clear!
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Vaggie : Okay, you remember what to say?
Charlie : [breaths in] Yes! Let's do this!
Vaggie : Just look at me, and I'll mouth it to you.
Charlie : Come on, Vaggie. I know what to say! I just feel like we need to... I dunno, make things sound more exciting. Ooh, what if I si...
Vaggie : Sing a song about it?
Charlie : You knew I was gonna say that.
Vaggie : Because I know you. But *please* don't sing. This is serious.
Charlie : Well, you know... I'm better at expressing myself and goals through song!
Vaggie : But, life isn't a musical, hon.
Charlie : Fine. But, I have these other ideas of what to say.
[excited and giddy]
Charlie : The highlighted bits are the best parts!
Vaggie : Uh, it's *ALL* highlighted... Is this a drawing?
Charlie : Yes! That's the happy ending, see? Everyone smiling and happy in Heaven!
Vaggie : I don't think it's that simple. Just *please* follow the talking points we went over.
[pulls Charlie close]
Vaggie : And DO. NOT. SING.
-
Vaggie : Alright, um, maybe we can try to fix it in post.
Angel Dust : Do you even know what that means?
Vaggie : I'll figure it out.
