Hazbin Hotel (TV Series)
Pilot (2019)
Edward Bosco: Alastor
Photos
Quotes
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Alastor : And what can you do, my effeminate fellow?
Angel Dust : I can suck your dick.
[radio feedback squeal]
Alastor : Ha, no.
Angel Dust : Your loss.
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Husk : [Playing cards] Ha! Read'em and weep, boys! Full-
[Husk is suddenly transported to the Happy Hotel]
Husk : Woah, the hell? Where the fuck is this? YOU!
Alastor : Ah, Husker my good friend, glad you could make it!
Husk : Don't you 'Husker' me, you son of a bitch! I was about to win the whole damn pot!
Alastor : Good to see you too.
Husk : What the hell do you want with me this time?
Alastor : My friend, I am doing some charity work so I took it upon myself to volunteer your services. I hope that's okay?
Husk : Are you shittin' me?
Alastor : Hmm, no I don't think so!
Husk : You thought it would be some kind of big fucking riot just to pull me out of nowhere? You think I'm some kind of fucking clown?
Alastor : ...Maybe!
Husk : I ain't doing no fucking charity job!
Alastor : Well I figured you'd be the perfect face to man the front desk of this fine establishment. With your charming smile and welcoming energy, this job was made for you! Don't worry my friend, I can make this more welcoming!
[Alastor manifests a bottle of alcohol on the counter]
Alastor : If you wish?
Husk : What, you think you can buy me with a wink and some cheap booze?... Well you can!
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[Charlie investigates a knock on the hotel door, opening to her shock to see Alastor]
Alastor : Hel-
[Charlie slams the door. Processes for a moment then reopens]
Alastor : -lo!
Charlie : [Charlie slams the door again] Hey Vaggie?
Vaggie : Whaat?
Charlie : The Radio Demon is at the door!
Vaggie : WHAT?
Angel Dust : Uh, who?
Charlie : What should I do?
Vaggie : [scoffs] Well, don't let him in!
Alastor : [Charlie hesitates, but ends up opening the door] May I speak now?
Charlie : You may.
Alastor : Alastor! Pleasure to be meeting you, sweetheart! Quite a pleasure! Excuse my sudden visit but I saw your fiasco on the picture show, and I just couldn't resist! What the performance! Why I haven't been that entertained since the stock market crash of 1929!
[entertained laugh]
Alastor : So many orphans...
Vaggie : [Holds up Alastor with a spear] Stop right there! Cabrón hijo de perra! I know your game, and I'm not gonna let you hurt anyone here! You pompous, cheesy, talk show shitlord!
Alastor : [lowering Vaggie's spear] Dear, if I wanted to hurt anyone here...
[turns demonic]
Alastor : ... I would had done so already.
[returns to normal]
Alastor : No! I'm here because I want to help!
Charlie : ...Say what now?
Alastor : Help!
[laughs]
Alastor : Hello? Is this thing on? Testing! Testing!
[Alastor nudges his microphone staff]
The Microphone : Well I heard you loud and clear!
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Alastor : Do you like blood, violence and depravity of a sexual nature? Of course you do. That's why you're in Hell!
