- Prince Merkimer: I never had to stoop to kindness or charm. But now those things are gone and so are the ladies. So, tell me why the damsels flock to you, someone far more repulsive than yours porkly.
- Luci: I would love to give you some great advice, BUT IT WILL COME AT A GREAT COST! Occasionally I get to ride you like a horse.
- Tess: And now for Elfo. Here's the truth...
- Elfo: No, no, no, wait, please. Let me do it. Bean, I should've confessed this a long time ago, but I was too ashamed. Tess was never my girlfriend. I've been lying to you about that.
- Tess: Oh, um, well, I wasn't gonna say that at all. I mean, a deal's a deal. Yikes.