- Crowley: Something's changed.
- Aziraphale: Oh, it's a new cologne. My barber suggested it.
- Crowley: Not you. I know what you smell like. The Hell Hound has found its master.
- Aziraphale: Are you sure?
- Crowley: I felt it. Would I lie to you?
- Aziraphale: Well, obviously. You're a demon. That's what you do.
- Crowley: No, I'm not lying. The boy, whoever he is, has the dog. He's named it. It's done. He's coming into his power. We're doomed.
- Aziraphale: Well, then... welcome to the end times.
- Aziraphale: Well, that was scrumptious. What are you in the mood for now?
- Crowley: Alcohol. Quite extraordinary amounts of alcohol.
- Aziraphale: Get thee behind me, foul fiend.
- [He opens the door and motions to Crowley]
- Aziraphale: After you.
- Narrator: It may help to understand human affairs to be clear that most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history are caused, not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally bad, but by people being fundamentally people.
- Crowley: Armageddon is days away and we lost the Antichrist. Why did the powers of Hell have to drag me into this anyway?
- Aziraphale: Well, don't quote me on this, but I'm pretty sure it's because of all those memos you kept sending them, saying how amazingly well you were doing.
- Crowley: Is it my fault they never check up? I'm to blame they never check up? Everyone stretches the truth a bit in memos to head office. You know that.
- Aziraphale: Yes, but you told them you invented the Spanish Inquisition and started the Second World War.
- Crowley: So the humans beat me to it. That's not my fault.
- Satan as Freddie Mercury: [to Crowley through the radio] What you did to the M25 was a stroke of demonic genius, darling!
- Aziraphale: You told them you invented the Spanish Inquisition and started the Second World War.
- Crowley: So the humans beat me to it. That's not my fault.