Yahtzee: You know, Rockstar, you don't have to keep bending over backwards to please me. When I said that all the cars in GTA IV handled like there was a fat baby attached to the steering wheel, they brought out The Lost and Damned, which centered around a motorcycle gang. But that was even worse, because characters in GTA always seem to hold onto motorbikes as loosely as possible in case they catch crotch rot from the seats. And the graphics are so murky that riding down a busy road at high speed is making a foolish wager with the quintuple somersault head injury fairy. "All right then," said Rockstar, "here's The Ballad of Gay Tony, where every other mission is helicopter-based." But the helicopters handle worst of all! It's like you're constantly airlifting a fucking merry-go-round with a hippo on one side. "All right then, motherfucker," says Rockstar. "Let's just set GTA a hundred years ago so you don't have to drive motorised vehicles at all. Are you happy now?" To which I reply, "my horse appears to be lodged in a wall."