- Eliot Waugh: We have ourselves a bit of a Gene Hackman in "The Conversation".
- Margo Hanson: I didn't see that one.
- Eliot Waugh: Yeah, right, um... Someone is "xoxo, Gossip Girl"-ing our shit. Remember James Marsden in X-Men? Your Marsden is xoxo-ing us full on that great song by The Police.
- Margo Hanson: That Fairuza Balk in "The Craft".
- Eliot Waugh: Yeah, more Cersei Lannister.
- Margo Hanson: Hey, glad I made you read those.
- Eliot Waugh: ...Well, I read the Wiki.
- [Margo gives him a look]
- Eliot Waugh: What? Those books are like a million pages long. I have a life.
- Eliot Waugh: Anyway, whatever your Marsden would xoxo, Cersei xoxo's. So, we have to keep it very best episode of "Buffy".
- Margo Hanson: Musical?
- Eliot Waugh: The other one.
- The Great Cock of the Darkling Woods: You are a good king. But it is time to become a great one. In order to do that, you must travel to a land where you are no king, no Magician, just a vulnerable man.
- Eliot Waugh: Honestly, that sounds like something I might really fuck up.
- The Great Cock of the Darkling Woods: Yes, or it wouldn't be a quest. You have friends, don't you?
- Eliot Waugh: I used to.
- The Great Cock of the Darkling Woods: The one-eyed conqueror, the traveler, the warrior, the fool, the god-touched, the lover of tomatoes, and the torture artist.
- Eliot Waugh: Wait, which one is that? You lost me there.
- The Great Cock of the Darkling Woods: Do you want your magic back or not? Will it not solve all your problems?
- Eliot Waugh: I mean, yes, but, it's just how long does a quest like this take?
- The Great Cock of the Darkling Woods: A good season.
- Margo Hanson: How do we Lizzie Borden the shit out of this thing? 'Cause I am about ready to go full '07 Britney.
- Eliot Waugh: Maybe we could've back when this place was Pottered up.
- Margo Hanson: Still. Even without a wand, Harry would figure some shit out.
- Eliot Waugh: ...Honestly, I didn't quite finish those books either
- Quentin Coldwater: There's still something that could lead us to something. We have got to keep chipping away at it, Jules.
- Julia Wicker: Big words coming from the guy who was mostly chain smoking and binge watching Six Feet Under when he got here.
- Quentin Coldwater: You fired me up. You showed me that there's a fight to fight. Now I'm the official sidekick to whatever it turns out you are, so get used to it.
- Eliot Waugh: What if they know about this in Loria? If I send Idri a message
- Margo Hanson: Worst case he comes here, you look at him naked and cheer up a little.
- Eliot Waugh: How dare you make me sound that shallow, but yes.
- Quentin Coldwater: I know that this really wasn't on your radar until you met us, but we've lost our most precious resource.
- Bacchus: Dude, stop, okay? If fixing magic is, like, so important to you, then you should just talk to this crazy guy that I met back in Athens one time.
- [Yells to a guy]
- Bacchus: Rambo! Rambo! What was the name of that guy that I met in Athens, that up-with-humans guy? Fit bod.
- Rambo: You mean Prometheus?
- Bacchus: Prometh - -. That guy loved Magicians, and he would want to help you.
- Rambo: He's dead.
- Bacchus: What?
- Rambo: Prometheus died, like, 1,500 years ago, man. Sorry.
- Bacchus: Damn it. Well, he lived a pretty tortured existence, so, dying was probably a relief for him.
- Josh Hoberman: I'm sorry. I just really loved doing magic. And I was good at it. Should have tasted my tomatoes. Just the air smelled different, right? And I could turn into a bird or make a rose bloom. And I saw actual Fillory. And I banged a werewolf!
- [Julia laughs]
- Josh Hoberman: Yes, that is weird, but also rad because who gets to do that. And I wasn't just some extremely average nobody. I was gifted. I didn't just belong somewhere, I belonged anywhere because I was a magician.
- Julia Wicker: What if this is like a smudge - like a fingerprint - left by OLU when she gave me back my shade, and she didn't even realize? It's like, oops, speck of magic!
- Quentin Coldwater: She's a goddess. Does she seem like the accident type?
- Julia Wicker: Have you met her son?
- Man with the Overdue Library Book: You met Mayakovsky? I'd know his spellwork anywhere.
- William 'Penny' Adiyodi: Yeah, me too, and I'm telling you-...
- Man with the Overdue Library Book: All of this is his fault.
- William 'Penny' Adiyodi: It by his, you mean...?
- Man with the Overdue Library Book: Made a bunch of apocalypse-proof batteries, then did something to turn it all off all over the world. Breaks his Incorporate Bond, screws us, he's got magic, he's free. Tell you what Mayakovsky didn't think about Creatures. They're fine. Whatever they are, it's DNA.
- The Librarian: Every time you leave this branch, you go where time moves normally and where time progresses
- William 'Penny' Adiyodi: So does my super cancer, I know. It's a pity the best y'all could do was a place where time stopped. You know, time going backward? That'd be better.
- Bacchus: Magicians, right?
- Quentin Coldwater: Yeah, how can you tell?
- Bacchus: Your hands, and your crazy level of trauma.
- Quentin Coldwater: I just, I, w-we would kind of really love to talk.
- Bacchus: Kid, I'm Bacchus. I am the god of not being a wiggly, little anxious wet dish rag that would "I kind of really love to talk to you". So I need you to unclench your vagina and do that shot or I'm moving on.
- Quentin Coldwater: [Mumbles] That's a little sexist.
- Quentin Coldwater: I was thinking, while we're here, maybe I could ask you a few questions.
- Bacchus: Dude. You're a vibe-killer.
- Quentin Coldwater: No.
- Bacchus: Yes, you are. And historically, I do smite vibe-killers.
- Quentin Coldwater: No, look, I'm a vibe-supporter.
- The Great Cock of the Darkling Woods: You must find the book with no author. A tale for children, but they're hardly that. There is the key or, the keys in a place called Public Library. In the shire of Chester in the land of New Jersey.
- Eliot Waugh: Again, that sure sounds like Earth.
- The Great Cock of the Darkling Woods: Eliot, the quest I bestow on you is the task you were born for. Claim it.
- Eliot Waugh: Talking-animal question. So, bunnies.
- Rafe: Her Sluggishness has noted that you are aware of their messenger abilities.
- Eliot Waugh: So, that is what the Fairy Queen uses them for?
- Rafe: Bunnies move easily between worlds.
- Eliot Waugh: And do they serve her? And if so, how loyally?
- Rafe: Every bunny for itself, Majesty.
- Eliot Waugh: Okay, okay, okay, okay, um... okay. You watched "Battlestar", right?
- Margo Hanson: Yeah, I love when they do terrorism allegory with mostly white people.
- Eliot Waugh: Mm-hmm. You remember Grace Park in season one?
- Margo Hanson: Of course, best storyline.
- Eliot Waugh: Why?
- Margo Hanson: Duh... because she was actually...
- Eliot Waugh: You're Grace Park. Okay? You're Grace Park, Margo.
- Margo Hanson: [gasps] I'm Grace Park.
- Eliot Waugh: Yeah. And we have ourselves a bit of a Gene Hackman in The Conversation.
- Margo Hanson: I didn't see that one.
- Eliot Waugh: Yeah, right, um... Someone is xoxo, Gossip Girl-ing our shit. Remember James Marsden in X-Men, hm? Your Marsden is xoxo-ing us full on that great song by The Police.
- Margo Hanson: That Fairuza Balk in The Craft.
- Eliot Waugh: Yeah, more Cersei Lannister.
- Margo Hanson: Hey, glad I made you read those.
- Eliot Waugh: [pause] Well, I read the Wiki.
- [Margo gives him a look]
- Eliot Waugh: What? Those books are like a million pages long. I have a life.
- Margo Hanson: [unimpressed] Okay.
- Eliot Waugh: Anyway, whatever your Marsden would xoxo, Cersei xoxo's. So, we have to keep it very best episode of Buffy.
- Margo Hanson: [excited] Musical?
- Eliot Waugh: The other one.
- Margo Hanson: Okay. How do we Lizzie Borden the shit out of this thing? 'Cause I am about ready to go full '07 Britney.
- Eliot Waugh: Maybe we could've back when this place was Pottered up.
- Margo Hanson: Still. Even without a wand, Harry would figure some shit out.
- Eliot Waugh: [pause] Honestly, I didn't quite finish those books either...
- Margo Hanson: Our Harry, I mean.
- Eliot Waugh: Oh! Him. Well, he'd...
- [It suddenly dawns on him what Margo's thinking]
- Margo Hanson: Mm-hmm.
- Eliot Waugh: Consult the creepy pedophile. Mmm.
- Eliot Waugh: It is I, the Great Cock of The Darkling Woods.
- The Great Cock of the Darkling Woods: The Great...
- Eliot Waugh: Cock. Have you never beheld one, child of Earth?
- The Great Cock of the Darkling Woods: No, no. No, I've beheld one or two.
- Fairy Queen: Lumbricus Campestris.
- Margo Hanson: Don't tell me. Feather of a left-handed crow? Butterfly with PMS this time? Turtle semen with a rosemary garnish?
- Fairy Queen: It's a type of earthworm. It lives abundantly in the grounds around the castle. Collect them all.
- Irene McAllistair: They're panicked. They want magic.
- Dean Fogg: So too do we all.
- Irene McAllistair: They believe that there's got to be something out there. Somewhere. Mayakovsky, he was working on a battery-...
- Dean Fogg: We searched Brakebills South.
- Irene McAllistair: Still they feel the resources of this school would be best spent continuing to search for...
- Dean Fogg: I cannot stop my students from searching, but we are a school, we still teach here. It is perhaps more important than ever. If they don't learn it, I fear no one will ever again. Do you understand?
- Irene McAllistair: I fear that, too, but if you don't find them something, the board is gonna close down Brakebills. You have to give them something, Henry. Quickly.
- Fairy Queen: Where are the worms? Don't tell me you sent someone out to do your work.
- Margo Hanson: I'm a delegator. It's a leadership quality. You've clearly mastered it.
- Tick Pickwick: I thought this excursion was mostly about drinking heavily.
- Eliot Waugh: I needed to imply that so we could get away without extra eyes on us.
- Quentin Coldwater: I just happen to be a concerned Magician individual who would like to get a word in with your parents.
- Bacchus: My parents?
- Quentin Coldwater: Yeah, the Old Gods.
- Bacchus: Are imperious and distant dickwads who I haven't spoken to in a millennia.