The Cinema Snob (TV Series)

God's Not Dead 2 (2017)

Brad Jones: Cinema Snob

Quotes 

• Cinema Snob : Let the stupid people's court begin.

• [first lines] 

  Cinema Snob : What the fuck? I thought the first movie already proved God's not dead! Why in the hell do we need a second film? This is the biggest lie I've seen since "The Last Exorcism" and "The Last Exorcism Part 2"! Then again, the first "God's Not Dead" brought in 62 million dollars against a 2 million dollar budget, so might as well prove God's not dead for a second time. More money!

• Cinema Snob : Why the hell am I even talking about this? I thought this movie was already reviewed by a couple of people sitting in a car.

  [cut to Brad Jones and Fat Grandma sitting in Brad's car] 

  Fat Grandma : Now then, Dr. Jones, do you understand why you should be using that mouth for praying in schools instead of using foul language that takes the name of the Lord in vain?

  [long pause] 

  Brad Jones : This movie was a piece of shit!

  [cut back to the Snob sitting in his chair] 

  Cinema Snob : Ugh. Well, it looks like that review went nowhere, so I might as well be the one to talk about "God's Not Dead 2: God Harder".

• Cinema Snob : If you fuck with the Jesus, you'll get a shitty Pure Flix movie made out of it.

• Cinema Snob : [watching a scene of Melissa Joan Hart and Jesse Metcalf eating Chinese takeout]  Now I'm just watching two people eat Chinese food. I wonder what's going on in those Midnight Car Reviews.

  [cut to Brad Jones and Fat Grandma sitting in Brad's car; a Fifty Shades Darker title card is superimposed onscreen] 

  Fat Grandma : My. Oh my. This movie reminded me of a lovely time when I was a younger, fairer maiden when I had to tie up Kirk Douglas and spanked him until his bottom was as red as my cheeks.

  [Fat Grandma smiles at Brad, who doesn't react] 

  Brad Jones : You've made it impossible for me to jerk off in this.

  [cut back to the Snob in his chair] 

  Cinema Snob : Well, great. That's even more horrifying!