The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)
The D & D Vortex (2019)
Jim Parsons: Sheldon Cooper
Photos
Quotes
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Amy Farrah Fowler : Imagine you're looking in a mirror. The image you see looks just like you. That's called symmetrical.
Sheldon Cooper : Now imagine you have a billion mirrors, and each of them reflects one thing about you correctly and a billion things about you incorrectly. And imagine the set of incorrect things are floating in an abstract N-dimensional hyperspace. Now imagine there was never a mirror to begin with.
Wil Wheaton : Oh, was that a doorbell?
Amy Farrah Fowler : I didn't hear anything.
Wil Wheaton : [pressing a button to make a doorbell sound] Huh, there it is again. Sheldon, why don't you answer it?
Sheldon Cooper : But I don't know who it is.
Wil Wheaton : Maybe it's a special guest who I invited just to surprise you. Why don't you open it up and find out.
Sheldon Cooper : This is a terrible message to send to children.
[directly addressing the camera]
Sheldon Cooper : Children, you never open the door if you don't know who's on the other side. You always make your mommy or daddy do it while you hide under the bed and try to imagine what your superhero name will be when you avenge their deaths.
Amy Farrah Fowler : I'll get it.
Sheldon Cooper : But it can't be Silver Shadow. That's mine.
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William Shatner : Hello.
Sheldon Cooper : Captain on the bridge! Captain on the bridge! You're William Shatner.
William Shatner : You can call me Bill.
Sheldon Cooper : Ooh, can I call you Captain?
William Shatner : No.
Sheldon Cooper : Please?
William Shatner : No.
Sheldon Cooper : [whispering] Please?
William Shatner : Sure.
Sheldon Cooper : And w-will you call me Science Officer Cooper?
William Shatner : This has got to stop.
Sheldon Cooper : I think you know how to make it stop.
William Shatner : [offering a handshake] Put her there, Science Officer Cooper.
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Sheldon Cooper : [knocking on Wil's door] Wil Wheaton. Wil Wheaton. Wil Wheaton.
[peeking inside, then ringing the doorbell]
Sheldon Cooper : Wil Wheaton. Wil Wheaton. Wil Wheaton.
Wil Wheaton : Now's not a good time, Sheldon.
Sheldon Cooper : For what?
Wil Wheaton : You.
Sheldon Cooper : I need to apologize.
Wil Wheaton : Apology accepted.
Joe Manganiello : [off screen] Wil, come on! I cast Fireball, and you need to roll your Dexterity Save.
Wil Wheaton : I'll be right there.
Sheldon Cooper : Are you playing Dungeons & Dragons?
Wil Wheaton : No.
Kevin Smith : Would you hurry up, man? The map says this dungeon's full of dragons.
Wil Wheaton : [seeing Sheldon's look] Still no.
Sheldon Cooper : Who are you playing with?
Wil Wheaton : Uh... it's just some friends. You don't know them.
William Shatner : Wheaton, get back here. Hobgoblins are at the gate, and you're at the door buying Girl Scout cookies.
Sheldon Cooper : Is that William Shat...
Wil Wheaton : [shutting the door] Nope.
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Wil Wheaton : All right, Professor Proton fans, get ready to meet Dr. Sheldon Cooper and Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler, a pair of real-life scientists who may win the Nobel Prize. That's like the Kids' Choice Award, but with more science and less slime.
Amy Farrah Fowler : Hi. Thanks for having us.
Sheldon Cooper : Kids' Choice Award? Why would they let kids choose anything? They're basically human larvae.
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Howard Wolowitz : So, Sheldon, did you get William Shatner's autograph, or maybe his dry cleaning bill?
Sheldon Cooper : Very funny. Get it all out.
Leonard Hofstadter : Like you did on William Shatner?
Sheldon Cooper : Raj, do you have something to add?
Raj Koothrappali : You brought shame upon yourself and your family. It's not funny, but it's true.
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Sheldon Cooper : I will admit the meeting did not go the way I wanted.
Howard Wolowitz : [imitating Shatner] Because you barfed where no man has barfed before?
Sheldon Cooper : Well, the next time I meet him, it will go better.
Raj Koothrappali : Next time? What makes you think there's gonna be a next time?
Sheldon Cooper : Wil will give me another chance. He thinks the world of me.
Leonard Hofstadter : Aw. One of the reasons I love you is you actually believe that.
Sheldon Cooper : [not getting the sarcasm] Thank you.
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Sheldon Cooper : Guys, guys, Wil Wheaton hosts a secret celebrity D&D game.
Leonard Hofstadter : How do you know?
Raj Koothrappali : Who was there?
Amy Farrah Fowler : Why are you damp?
Sheldon Cooper : I was trying to peek in Wil's window, and he turned the sprinklers on.
Howard Wolowitz : Oh, that means they must be really famous.
Sheldon Cooper : I'm almost positive I heard William Shatner.
Raj Koothrappali : I wonder who else is playing.
Leonard Hofstadter : I-I bet we can use graph theory to determine who Wil knows and who is likely to play D&D.
Howard Wolowitz : Yes.
Leonard Hofstadter : [hurrying over to a white board] Okay, obviously he's connected to the whole "Next Gen" cast.
Penny Hofstadter : So this is the rest of our night, huh?
Amy Farrah Fowler : Oh, no. This is the rest of our lives.
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Leonard Hofstadter : And Josh Brolin gets you to every Avenger.
Howard Wolowitz : [on his phone] Kevin Smith's in this article about celebrities who play D&D.
Leonard Hofstadter : Oh, a-and he was on Wil's podcast, so they know each other.
Raj Koothrappali : G-Go on his Instagram, see if you can find anything.
Howard Wolowitz : Yeah, he-he posted something an hour ago: "#GameNight".
Sheldon Cooper : That looks like Wil's house.
Howard Wolowitz : William Shatner, Kevin Smith. Who else could be there?
Leonard Hofstadter : Do you see what I see over his shoulder?
Howard Wolowitz : [looking closer] Is that a ghost?
Raj Koothrappali : I think it's Stuart.
Sheldon Cooper : That is Stuart. What-what's he doing there?
Raj Koothrappali : Maybe he died in Wil's house and he can't leave until he solves his own murder.
Leonard Hofstadter : Why would Wil invite Stuart and not us?
Bernadette Rostenkowski : [watching with Amy and Penny] I know the answer.
Penny Hofstadter : Yeah. We all know the answer.
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Leonard Hofstadter : We know you were at Wil's D&D game. We saw you on Instagram. We just want to know how you got invited.
Stuart Bloom : I can't talk about it, or they won't invite me back next week.
Leonard Hofstadter : So there's another game next week.
Stuart Bloom : I didn't mean to say that.
Howard Wolowitz : Who's in it?
Stuart Bloom : Oh, I can't tell you!
Raj Koothrappali : How do we get invited?
Stuart Bloom : I don't know!
Sheldon Cooper : How many hit dice are they playing the wereboar as having?
Stuart Bloom : 12D8 + 24. AHH! I mean, I don't know!
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Leonard Hofstadter : [seeing Sheldon playing "Red Dead"] Sheldon, why are you walking everywhere? Just get a horse.
Sheldon Cooper : I had a horse. It got hit by a train.
Leonard Hofstadter : Get another one.
Sheldon Cooper : I can't just replace Chauncey. I'm still in the grieving process.