The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)
The D & D Vortex (2019)
Simon Helberg: Howard Wolowitz
Photos
Quotes
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Raj Koothrappali : Hey, do you guys want to read my fan fiction mash-up, "Captain Marvelous Mrs. Maisel"?
Penny Hofstadter : Nope.
Leonard Hofstadter , Howard Wolowitz : No.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Certainly not.
Raj Koothrappali : You don't even know what it's about.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Is it about a superhero who finds her voice by doing stand-up?
Raj Koothrappali : That's so much better than what I had. Mine is just a Jewish girl that flies.
Howard Wolowitz : I'd read that.
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William Shatner : Put her there, Science Officer Cooper.
Howard Wolowitz : [sounds of Sheldon vomiting] Oh, poor Shatner.
Raj Koothrappali : Poor Shatner? I have to eat lunch now.
Leonard Hofstadter : Look, Sheldon's pretty embarrassed, so when he gets here, we should...
Howard Wolowitz : Make fun of him?
Leonard Hofstadter : A lot.
Raj Koothrappali : Guys, don't you think that's a little mean?
Leonard Hofstadter : Yeah.
Raj Koothrappali : Okay, just so we're all on the same page.
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Howard Wolowitz : So, Sheldon, did you get William Shatner's autograph, or maybe his dry cleaning bill?
Sheldon Cooper : Very funny. Get it all out.
Leonard Hofstadter : Like you did on William Shatner?
Sheldon Cooper : Raj, do you have something to add?
Raj Koothrappali : You brought shame upon yourself and your family. It's not funny, but it's true.
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Sheldon Cooper : I will admit the meeting did not go the way I wanted.
Howard Wolowitz : [imitating Shatner] Because you barfed where no man has barfed before?
Sheldon Cooper : Well, the next time I meet him, it will go better.
Raj Koothrappali : Next time? What makes you think there's gonna be a next time?
Sheldon Cooper : Wil will give me another chance. He thinks the world of me.
Leonard Hofstadter : Aw. One of the reasons I love you is you actually believe that.
Sheldon Cooper : [not getting the sarcasm] Thank you.
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Sheldon Cooper : Guys, guys, Wil Wheaton hosts a secret celebrity D&D game.
Leonard Hofstadter : How do you know?
Raj Koothrappali : Who was there?
Amy Farrah Fowler : Why are you damp?
Sheldon Cooper : I was trying to peek in Wil's window, and he turned the sprinklers on.
Howard Wolowitz : Oh, that means they must be really famous.
Sheldon Cooper : I'm almost positive I heard William Shatner.
Raj Koothrappali : I wonder who else is playing.
Leonard Hofstadter : I-I bet we can use graph theory to determine who Wil knows and who is likely to play D&D.
Howard Wolowitz : Yes.
Leonard Hofstadter : [hurrying over to a white board] Okay, obviously he's connected to the whole "Next Gen" cast.
Penny Hofstadter : So this is the rest of our night, huh?
Amy Farrah Fowler : Oh, no. This is the rest of our lives.
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Leonard Hofstadter : And Josh Brolin gets you to every Avenger.
Howard Wolowitz : [on his phone] Kevin Smith's in this article about celebrities who play D&D.
Leonard Hofstadter : Oh, a-and he was on Wil's podcast, so they know each other.
Raj Koothrappali : G-Go on his Instagram, see if you can find anything.
Howard Wolowitz : Yeah, he-he posted something an hour ago: "#GameNight".
Sheldon Cooper : That looks like Wil's house.
Howard Wolowitz : William Shatner, Kevin Smith. Who else could be there?
Leonard Hofstadter : Do you see what I see over his shoulder?
Howard Wolowitz : [looking closer] Is that a ghost?
Raj Koothrappali : I think it's Stuart.
Sheldon Cooper : That is Stuart. What-what's he doing there?
Raj Koothrappali : Maybe he died in Wil's house and he can't leave until he solves his own murder.
Leonard Hofstadter : Why would Wil invite Stuart and not us?
Bernadette Rostenkowski : [watching with Amy and Penny] I know the answer.
Penny Hofstadter : Yeah. We all know the answer.
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Stuart Bloom : Hey, guys.
Howard Wolowitz : You're home late.
Stuart Bloom : Uh, yeah. I had a crazy night. I went to the pharmacy. I like to be there when the new decongestants drop.
Raj Koothrappali : Cut the crap. We know where you were. We know what you were doing.
Stuart Bloom : Yeah, I just told you. I was at CVS breathing my ass off.
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Leonard Hofstadter : We know you were at Wil's D&D game. We saw you on Instagram. We just want to know how you got invited.
Stuart Bloom : I can't talk about it, or they won't invite me back next week.
Leonard Hofstadter : So there's another game next week.
Stuart Bloom : I didn't mean to say that.
Howard Wolowitz : Who's in it?
Stuart Bloom : Oh, I can't tell you!
Raj Koothrappali : How do we get invited?
Stuart Bloom : I don't know!
Sheldon Cooper : How many hit dice are they playing the wereboar as having?
Stuart Bloom : 12D8 + 24. AHH! I mean, I don't know!
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Raj Koothrappali : [calling Wil] But y-you blocked your number, right?
Howard Wolowitz : Relax, this is not my first creepy phone call. It's like riding a bike... slowly past a girl's house.
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Wil Wheaton : Hello?
Howard Wolowitz : [imitating Shatner] Wil, Bill Shatner here.
Wil Wheaton : Is this Howard?
Howard Wolowitz : Of course not. It-it's Shatner. If you don't believe me, ask my good friend, Christopher Walken.
[imitating Walken]
Howard Wolowitz : Hello. Bill and I are just hanging out at the Polo Lounge.
Raj Koothrappali : [clinking two glasses] Mr. Shatner, Mr. Walken, here are your martinis.
Howard Wolowitz : [normally, whispering] What are you doing?
Raj Koothrappali : I'm filling out the world.
Howard Wolowitz : You're ruining it.
Wil Wheaton : No, he's not.
Raj Koothrappali : Thanks, Wil!