The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)
The D & D Vortex (2019)
Wil Wheaton: Wil Wheaton
Photos
Quotes
-
Wil Wheaton : Hey, Leonard, I have an opening in my D&D game next week, and I was wondering if you were interested in playing.
Leonard Hofstadter : [flattered] Well, yes, thank you.
Wil Wheaton : Okay, great. Now, here's the thing. You can't tell anyone. I'm serious. Not Howard, not Raj, and certainly not Sheldon.
Leonard Hofstadter : Okay.
Wil Wheaton : I'm really sorry to put you in a position where you have to lie to your friends...
Leonard Hofstadter : [hanging up] See you there!
-
Amy Farrah Fowler : Imagine you're looking in a mirror. The image you see looks just like you. That's called symmetrical.
Sheldon Cooper : Now imagine you have a billion mirrors, and each of them reflects one thing about you correctly and a billion things about you incorrectly. And imagine the set of incorrect things are floating in an abstract N-dimensional hyperspace. Now imagine there was never a mirror to begin with.
Wil Wheaton : Oh, was that a doorbell?
Amy Farrah Fowler : I didn't hear anything.
Wil Wheaton : [pressing a button to make a doorbell sound] Huh, there it is again. Sheldon, why don't you answer it?
Sheldon Cooper : But I don't know who it is.
Wil Wheaton : Maybe it's a special guest who I invited just to surprise you. Why don't you open it up and find out.
Sheldon Cooper : This is a terrible message to send to children.
[directly addressing the camera]
Sheldon Cooper : Children, you never open the door if you don't know who's on the other side. You always make your mommy or daddy do it while you hide under the bed and try to imagine what your superhero name will be when you avenge their deaths.
Amy Farrah Fowler : I'll get it.
Sheldon Cooper : But it can't be Silver Shadow. That's mine.
-
Sheldon Cooper : [knocking on Wil's door] Wil Wheaton. Wil Wheaton. Wil Wheaton.
[peeking inside, then ringing the doorbell]
Sheldon Cooper : Wil Wheaton. Wil Wheaton. Wil Wheaton.
Wil Wheaton : Now's not a good time, Sheldon.
Sheldon Cooper : For what?
Wil Wheaton : You.
Sheldon Cooper : I need to apologize.
Wil Wheaton : Apology accepted.
Joe Manganiello : [off screen] Wil, come on! I cast Fireball, and you need to roll your Dexterity Save.
Wil Wheaton : I'll be right there.
Sheldon Cooper : Are you playing Dungeons & Dragons?
Wil Wheaton : No.
Kevin Smith : Would you hurry up, man? The map says this dungeon's full of dragons.
Wil Wheaton : [seeing Sheldon's look] Still no.
Sheldon Cooper : Who are you playing with?
Wil Wheaton : Uh... it's just some friends. You don't know them.
William Shatner : Wheaton, get back here. Hobgoblins are at the gate, and you're at the door buying Girl Scout cookies.
Sheldon Cooper : Is that William Shat...
Wil Wheaton : [shutting the door] Nope.
-
Wil Wheaton : You come face to face with a massive monster with a gaping maw full of teeth, three huge legs, and flailing tentacles. What do you do?
William Shatner : Fellas, it looks like we're facing a, an otyugh. Here's the plan...
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar : Hold on there, Bill.
William Shatner : Now what, Kareem?
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar : How do we know it's not a neo-otyugh?
William Shatner : Same way I know the difference between an owlbear and a bugbear. Does that answer your question?
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar : No.
Joe Manganiello : Look, there's only one way to settle this. We chop it up and look at the pieces.
Kevin Smith : Oh, come on. Why do you always gotta attack everything? Why can't we just try talking to it?
Joe Manganiello : Big surprise, Podcast here wants to talk.
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar : What do you think, Leonard?
Leonard Hofstadter : I think this is the greatest day of my entire life.
William Shatner : It's all right, buddy. One day, you'll meet a girl.
-
Wil Wheaton : All right, Professor Proton fans, get ready to meet Dr. Sheldon Cooper and Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler, a pair of real-life scientists who may win the Nobel Prize. That's like the Kids' Choice Award, but with more science and less slime.
Amy Farrah Fowler : Hi. Thanks for having us.
Sheldon Cooper : Kids' Choice Award? Why would they let kids choose anything? They're basically human larvae.
-
Wil Wheaton : So, you two have discovered something that a lot of people are really excited about.
Amy Farrah Fowler : We have.
Wil Wheaton : Now, before you explain it, keep in mind that our average viewer is this many.
[he holds up nine fingers like a small child would]
-
Stuart Bloom : I don't want to play anymore. It's too much pressure.
Wil Wheaton : Why? What happened?
Stuart Bloom : I've-I've said too much.
Wil Wheaton : You haven't said anything.
Stuart Bloom : Not to you. To them.
Wil Wheaton : Who's "them"?
Stuart Bloom : AHH! Now I have said too much!
-
Wil Wheaton : Hello?
Howard Wolowitz : [imitating Shatner] Wil, Bill Shatner here.
Wil Wheaton : Is this Howard?
Howard Wolowitz : Of course not. It-it's Shatner. If you don't believe me, ask my good friend, Christopher Walken.
[imitating Walken]
Howard Wolowitz : Hello. Bill and I are just hanging out at the Polo Lounge.
Raj Koothrappali : [clinking two glasses] Mr. Shatner, Mr. Walken, here are your martinis.
Howard Wolowitz : [normally, whispering] What are you doing?
Raj Koothrappali : I'm filling out the world.
Howard Wolowitz : You're ruining it.
Wil Wheaton : No, he's not.
Raj Koothrappali : Thanks, Wil!
-
Wil Wheaton : Hey, what are you guys doing here?
Amy Farrah Fowler : Oh, I, uh, think Sheldon might have left something.
Wil Wheaton : Oh, you mean besides his lunch?
Bernadette Rostenkowski : [exaggerated laughter] You are so funny, Wil.
Penny Hofstadter : Oh, we were just talking about how funny you are.
Wil Wheaton : Yeah, Leonard told you, didn't he?
Penny Hofstadter : Yeah.
Amy Farrah Fowler : Yup.
Penny Hofstadter : Yeah.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Mm-hmm.
Wil Wheaton : It's Manganiello?
Amy Farrah Fowler : Uh-huh.
Bernadette Rostenkowski , Penny Hofstadter : Mm-hmm.
Wil Wheaton : Feel good about yourselves?
Penny Hofstadter : Nope.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : No.
Amy Farrah Fowler : Yeah.
[seeing the others' looks]
Amy Farrah Fowler : Oh, we're going with no? No.
-
Wil Wheaton : [Outside his front door, Wil points to Howard] No.
[points to Raj]
Wil Wheaton : No.
[points to Leonard]
Wil Wheaton : No.
[points to Sheldon]
Wil Wheaton : Hell no.
-
Wil Wheaton : Okay, Where were we?
William Shatner : I was about to go all "Wrath of Khan" on these ogres.
