- Leonard Hofstadter: You having a good day?
- Penny Hofstadter: No, I missed an audition because my computer broke, and I didn't get the e-mail. Would've been a perfect part for me.
- Sheldon Cooper: Was it waitress who ignores her customers? Because that's the role you were born to play.
- Penny Hofstadter: Shut up and eat your burger.
- Sheldon Cooper: Actually, it's a turkey club.
- Penny Hofstadter: Didn't you order a burger?
- Sheldon Cooper: I did, and yet here we are.
- Leonard Hofstadter: You know what, if you need a computer, you can use my laptop.
- Penny Hofstadter: Oh, that's sweet, but I'm not gonna take your computer.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Oh, it's fine. I-I'm getting a new one anyway.
- Penny Hofstadter: Are you sure?
- Sheldon Cooper: Don't be silly. He's desperate to hold on to you. You can get anything out of him.
- Howard Wolowitz: His car, his watch... Maybe a kidney. You already have his testicles. You can start a collection.
- Sheldon Cooper: The Comic-Con breakup's easy to remember, because Leonard was the saddest Pikachu.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Right, and he wiped his nose on your cape, and then you were the saddest Darth Vader.
- Stuart Bloom: I'm, uh, I'm running a special today, uh, buy something, keep having a comic book store to come to.
- Raj Koothrappali: This is awkward. I was actually gonna return this.
- Stuart Bloom: What's wrong with it?
- Raj Koothrappali: I-I finished it.
- Leonard Hofstadter: So what are you gonna do with your share of the money?
- Raj Koothrappali: Uh, well, as a responsible adult, I'll put that money into a CD, wait for that CD to mature, and then buy a tiger.
- Penny Hofstadter: So how are the wedding plans going?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: We still can't decide on a location.
- Penny Hofstadter: I thought you agreed on a cliff overlooking the beach.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Sheldon couldn't agree on which one. Some where too beachy, some were too cliffy.
- Sheldon Cooper: And all of them were too outsidey.
- Leonard Hofstadter: You can't still be mad about that.
- Sheldon Cooper: Please. I have grudges going back to kindergarden. One day, I plan to find an adult Emily Dwyer and make her eat a crayon while I watch.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Is that why there's an Emily Dwyer on our invitation list?
- Sheldon Cooper: Of course. That night, I will have the first dance, and the last laugh.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Sheldon, what did you do?
- Sheldon Cooper: I planned my revenge. If you get a dish, I'll serve you some cold.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I'm not mad.
- Penny Hofstadter: Oh, really? Tell that to your eyebrows. Bet I could place a quarter between them, and it would just stay there.
- Zack Johnson: Are you guys fighting?
- Penny Hofstadter: Yes.
- Leonard Hofstadter: No.
- Zack Johnson: Are you fighting about whether or not you're fighting? 'Cause I've had that fight before. Turns out we were, and I lost.
- Penny Hofstadter: Let the record show, I did not marry you for the money, but you just got way more attractive.
- Penny Hofstadter: I've got to learn how to spell Hofstadter. I know there's a "d" in there, but it keeps moving every time I try and write it.