Happy Anniversary (I) (2018)

Ben Schwartz: Sam

Photos 

Quotes 

• Sam : It's not called gently reclining in love. It's called falling in love. Because, yeah, it could hurt, but you're never gonna know unless you jump off the fucking ledge.

• Sam : Well, to be honest...

  Mollie : [interrupting]  I love when people specify "to be honest". Does that mean I can assume everything you've said before and are about to say to me is bullshit?

• Ed : Women are like dogs.

  Sam : *Wow!*

  Ed : I *say* that as a dog lover.

• Sam : I see the glass of water as half full. *She* sees the water as poisoned. Also, there is a chip in the glass. So, when you drink it, it's gonna cut your esophagus; you're gonna bleed everywhere.

• [Mollie is testing colors for the door] 

  Mollie : So, what do you think?

  Sam : Ooh, they're great.

  Mollie : Yeah, but which do you prefer?

  Sam : [confused]  I... I don't...

  Mollie : No, pick one.

  Sam : The-the middle, the one in the middle.

  Mollie : The door's already painted that color.

  Sam : [as if the point is proven]  Aah!

• Sam : [angry]  You liked me because I'm smart, so don't treat me like I'm a *fucking* idiot.

• Sam : Georgia was... she was awesome. She was sweet; she was nice, but I feel like... I feel like something was missing.

  Ed : Yeah, the misery.

• Sam : At a certain point, you gotta shit or get off the pot.

  Mollie : [takes deep breath]  Yeah. Otherwise, you get hemorrhoids and that's worse than anything.

• Sam : Remember what I told you about Georgia?

  Ed : Does it involve peaches?

  Sam : No. The girl, Georgia.

  Ed : No.

  Sam : Exactly!