- William 'Penny' Adiyodi: You got a royal botanist or something?
- Eliot Waugh: Oh, well, um, we did, but apparently he sort of got eaten on the job.
- William 'Penny' Adiyodi: [laughs] By what? A plant?
- [Eliot is deadly serious]
- William 'Penny' Adiyodi: I hate this place.
- Tick Pickwick: Your majesties, the much-venerated Emissaries of our neighbors to the north. I present Prince Ess of Loria.
- Eliot Waugh: I'm sorry *Princess*?
- Prince Ess: Please, call me Ess.
- Eliot Waugh: Prince... Ess. Oh, my God. Fuck your parents, dude.
- Eliot Waugh: [Watching Quentin do a strange sort of dance] Um Remind me again what summoning Alice's niffin has to do with tai chi... I mean, ballet.
- Margo Hanson: It's niffin bait. You have to call to them at their point of their transformation with something personal.
- Eliot Waugh: Oooh. It's a sex thing.
- Quentin Coldwater: No, it's Cirque Du Soleil. You know Cirque Du Soleil?
- Eliot Waugh: You and Alice had sex to Cirque Du Soleil?
- Quentin Coldwater: Alice... Are you really there?
- [Nods]
- Quentin Coldwater: Okay. You're kind of freaking me out. I mean, I love you, but you're very ghost-like right now
- Margo Hanson: He's a man. Who seems arrogant and entitled and unclear on the concept of consent. I can't imagine what could possibly go wrong.
- Eliot Waugh: Look, I'm not saying do it. It's just - You're a queen. I'm a king. We don't necessarily marry for love. It's part of the job.
- Margo Hanson: Fine, I'll talk to him, but only to negotiate us out of this epic clusterfuck. I'm staying a virgin.
- Margo Hanson: [to Prince Ess] You fucked with us.
- Eliot Waugh: Mm-hmm, yes, he did.
- Margo Hanson: You fucked with our castle.
- Eliot Waugh: Amen, sister.
- Margo Hanson: And now we're gonna put our Jimmy Choos so far up your ass, you're gonna taste next season.
- Eliot Waugh: Exactly. Whatever that means.
- Margo Hanson: The High King and I hereby declare war on the Kingdom of Loria!
- Kady Orloff-Diaz: You found something.
- Julia Wicker: August 19th, 1976, 7:00 a. m. An unseasonal hailstorm hit the Northeast. Nothing too crazy, right? An hour later, a tidal wave slammed into Miami. Hour after that, hurricanes struck both the coasts of Peru, Chile. I mean, something rippled down the entire hemisphere, and if you follow the chain reaction back to its source...
- [Points]
- Kady Orloff-Diaz: Hoboken, New Jersey? Nothing ever starts in Hoboken, New Jersey.
- Eliot Waugh: What the actual all-encompassing fuck is this?
- Timid Servant: Your majesty, you said you wanted a unicorn milk latte.
- Eliot Waugh: I was joking. Wait, you milked a unicorn?
- Prince Ess: You guys have been fucking shit up for over half a century.
- Margo Hanson: Oookay.
- Eliot Waugh: [Whispers to Tick] This is how Lorians talk?
- Tick Pickwick: The Prince speaks fluent Earth. Rumor has it his mother is from, uh, Cincinn-ah-ti.
- Prince Ess: I'm here to propose a treaty between our two kingdoms. A 50/50 split of the Wellspring. And to seal the alliance, I, Crown Prince of Loria, offer my hand in marriage to the Virgin Queen Margo.
- Eliot Waugh: [Snorts] Um, okay.
- Margo Hanson: Did he just call me a virgin?
- Margo Hanson: You're not leaving me in a castle full of barbarian frat bros.
- Eliot Waugh: Okay, fine, but while we're talking about them, you could've been a little diplomatic.
- Margo Hanson: By agreeing to marry a complete stranger on the spot?
- Eliot Waugh: I did it.
- Margo Hanson: ...That was different.
- Eliot Waugh: [Scoffs] You're right, this would only really be equivalent if Ess was a girl, and you found pussy, you know, interesting in a sometimes- you-like-Thai-food kinda way, and now it's all Thai food forever till you die.
- Fen: Eliot, please understand. I had a life before you came. I had no idea if you even *would* come. Fillory is my home and I care about it.
- Eliot Waugh: So you became a terrorist?
- William 'Penny' Adiyodi: Where are you?
- Margo Hanson: Loria. Some canyon with these purple-ish rock things.
- William 'Penny' Adiyodi: Rock things? What-...
- Margo Hanson: Dicks, okay? They look like dicks.
- William 'Penny' Adiyodi: [laughs] Uh, full-sail or half?
- Margo Hanson: Honestly, it's a variety pack out there.
- Stephanie Quinn: Alice - she needed a strong female role model. She was so lucky to have me for that.
- Quentin Coldwater: You have to tell the truth.
- Stephanie Quinn: But that is the truth. Alice was complicated. She never figured out how to be a woman.
- Quentin Coldwater: That's not the truth - - not for Alice.
- Stephanie Quinn: Don't be ridiculous. This is just Alice up to her usual tricks. She was always so hard on me.
- Quentin Coldwater: This is not about you! Will you just for once in your life put yourself in your daughter's shoes?
- Stephanie Quinn: What do you want me to say? That I never understood her? That I never really tried? I didn't know having a daughter would be this hard. I resented her sometimes.
- Benedict Pickwick: [the Castle disappears] Oh, this is bad. This is very bad.
- [Starts scribbling]
- William 'Penny' Adiyodi: Are you fucking kidding me? Do you understand that castle's full of people?
- Benedict Pickwick: Do you understand there isn't a single accurate map of this entire place now?
- Prince Ess: I'm shockingly progressive for a Lorian. We get married, I'd still let you speak in public. I'd make sure that you-...
- Margo Hanson: Jesus, I'm not marrying you.
- Prince Ess: You think I wanna marry a virgin? This is purely political.
- Margo Hanson: Oh, my God. I'm not a virgin.
- Daniel Quinn: A blood relative must coax the spirit with a bit of mirror magic. Look into the mirror, paint a True Image of the deceased with my words.
- Quentin Coldwater: I killed you. My cacodemon-...
- Alice Quinn: Your cacodemon wasn't powerful enough to kill me. It tried, but when it saw that it couldn't win - well, let's just say it stuffed me in a place most convenient. That stupid tattoo trap on your back. We're stuck with each other.