The Magicians (TV Series)

The Girl Who Told Time (2017)

Hale Appleman: Eliot Waugh

Photos 

Quotes 

• Eliot Waugh : I just don't get it. I mean, I did head off a famine - personally staved off a war. Not to mention, The Wellspring is back online. And yet the people don't like me any more than they did.

  Bayler : How can you possibly know what they actually think of you?

  Eliot Waugh : There's this Earth magician, Nate Silver. I adapted one of his polling spells. Right now, my approval rating is at 26%, which is not good, Bayler. Not at all.

  Bayler : But still, why ask me?

  Eliot Waugh : Mmm, I don't know. I figured you might know why they hate me so much, seeing as you tried to murder me.

  Bayler : Okay, that was before I got to know you. And before you introduced me to this Earth delicacy - na-chos.

• Quentin Coldwater : [Watching Eliot move figures around a table]  Holy shit, are we at war?

  Eliot Waugh : [Sighs]  I wish we were at war. These are the place settings for the wedding. Much more dangerous.

• Fen : You're acting like you think I'd disapprove of it.

  Eliot Waugh : Your husband is about to welcome another husband into his bed.

  Fen : You're a king. Of course you will. I gather three person marriage isn't normal on Earth.

  Eliot Waugh : Not outside of Utah. Or some websites.

  Fen : Those are cities made of pixels, right?

• Josh Hoberman : Oysters and pearls from the French Laundry. I had to get Thomas Keller so wrecked before he'd show me the secret to that recipe.

  Eliot Waugh : [Tries it]  Mmm. I just don't think it's "Fillory" enough.

  Josh Hoberman : But half of Fillory eats boiled mutton! Let's introduce them to, like, actual food.

  Eliot Waugh : This is their world. We have to meet them halfway, don't you think?

  Josh Hoberman : Well, if half your recipe is shit, it's *all* going to taste like shit.

• Margo Hanson : Josh, where's that dishwasher?

  Josh Hoberman : Still in the armoire.

  Eliot Waugh : Why is he in the armoire?

  Josh Hoberman : 'Cause I'm not good in a crisis, okay?

  Eliot Waugh : How were you ever a drug dealer?

• Margo Hanson : Why am I staring at a plate of half-eaten nachos?

  Eliot Waugh : A question I've asked myself very often at three a.m.

• Eliot Waugh : After all the hours I spent down in the dungeon, I actually thought I'd won Bayler over. I thought I had rehabbed his soul.

  Margo Hanson : Oh, honey. We both know rehab is about more than nachos and backgammon.

  Eliot Waugh : Is it? Is it, Margo?

  Josh Hoberman : Wait, so you're upset because the guy who tried to kill you is gonna try and kill you again?

  Eliot Waugh : I should've executed him. It's not like anybody likes me anyway. I'm down 5%. And now the Fu Fighters are gonna red my wedding!

• Margo Hanson : Just floating this: Would it be weird if I fuck Josh?

  Eliot Waugh : I certainly hope it would be weird.