Brad Jones: Cinema Snob

Quotes 

• [last lines] 

  Cinema Snob : This is a movie about people so well-off and so privileged that they just have to feel victimized and persecuted about something. Anything. They wanna feel that they are victims too, even though they're not and they live pretty fucking solid lives. Here's where I would normally get into who made the movie. Well, OK. Idiots. Idiots made this movie. The movie is written and directed by fucking idiots... for idiots. Idiots made this film because they know just how idiotic a person would have to be in order to buy this blatant piece of idiot porn. So Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, take care of yourselves and each other, and don't be a fucking idiot.

• Cinema Snob : Go ahead and drape that giant flag over your motorcycle; I would've been confused otherwise. I was starting to think you might be Russian. And then cut to another shot of the flag, because we wouldn't want the audience to think that we're watching something made by a group of filthy, fuckin' commies.

• Cinema Snob : But rest assured, these Christmas decorations will be taken down, just as they are all over the country. By the way, I live in Springfield, which is the capital of Illinois, so um... follow me for a second.

  [Cut to Snob standing outside on a windy street] 

  Cinema Snob : Two blocks down from me is the Capital building, and here is what it looks like now.

  [the building is festively adorned with Christmas lights; Snob turns the camera back on himself] 

  Cinema Snob : Take your persecution complex and shove it STRAIGHT up your ass.

• [while listening to "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer," on a truck stereo] 

  Bob Revere : Not one channel plays real Christmas music anymore.

  Cinema Snob : [tries to comment then becomes exasperated]  Follow me again.

  Cinema Snob : [in his car]  Watch this;

  [turns his stereo on to reveal a contemporary cover of "Silent Night"] 

  Cinema Snob : There is not one, but two stations in town that play non-stop 24 hour Christmas music from Thanksgiving to Christmas. This movie is made by lying sacks of shit.

• Cinema Snob : I love any scene where an old white guy explains persecution to a black man.

• Christian Revere : What are you doing now?

  Bob Revere : It's not that easy, kid. What are YOU doing?

  Christian Revere : I'm just one kid.

  Bob Revere : Well, I'm just one grandpa.

  Cinema Snob : So... are you two gonna fuck or something?