- Eliot Waugh: Jesus. Alice has gone full Harry Potter part seven/eight over there.
- Margo Hanson: God, I hope we're winning.
- Eliot Waugh: The spell that won World War II is called the Rhinemann Ultra? Sounds like a not-so-great beer.
- Quentin Coldwater: Fine, it's a beer, but it's a beer that we can use to kill The Beast.
- Eliot Waugh: Meanwhile, Penny comes back with cool circa-1985 wrist chains.
- William 'Penny' Adiyodi: Yeah, super cool how they keep me from killing myself.
- Eliot Waugh: And then Dean Fogg gives you all matching tramp stamps?
- Alice Quinn: I thought tramp stamps were supposed to be on our lower back?
- Eliot Waugh: God, I feel like I missed out on some crazy party you'll be talking about for the rest of your lives.
- Eliot Waugh: Don't think I don't see how this works. You disappear. You come back. Matching tattoos, and now you're three against one. I know exactly what you're planning.
- Margo Hanson: El...
- [Moves toward him]
- Eliot Waugh: Don't touch me.
- Margo Hanson: Sweetie? You kind of sound insane.
- Eliot Waugh: Do I? Because I promise you I will not go down easily.
- [Dramatically]
- Eliot Waugh: Oo-surpers.
- [Turns to leave, turns back]
- Eliot Waugh: Usurpers. Whichever way you're supposed to pronounce it.
- Quentin Coldwater: What's so funny?
- Margo Hanson: You with a crossbow. You couldn't hit a fat girl with a fat-girl-seeking arrow.
- [Quentin raises an eyebrow]
- Margo Hanson: Oh, don't give me that look. It's a figure of speech.
- Quentin Coldwater: No way in hell I'll miss you from this range.
- Margo Hanson: Well, if you use that arrow as good as you use your dick...
- Alice Quinn: It's time. Don't know how long I'll have to cast the Rhinemann. Ugh. Eliot's right. It's a stupid name.
- Eliot Waugh: And I wish I had a beer.
- William 'Penny' Adiyodi: Wait, is this really the most important thing we could be doing right now? I mean, The Beast is still out there waiting for us.
- Eliot Waugh: The Beast can wait for five minutes. You are all Kings and Queens of Fillory. Well, almost all of you.
- Margo Hanson: [after Penny saves Quentin] You just had to let him save you, huh? You're such a girl.
- Quentin Coldwater: You know, I would like to see you dead regardless of your gender.
- William 'Penny' Adiyodi: We are running out of time and options and god jizz.
- Quentin Coldwater: Look, just imagine dicks, okay? With one dick, you're just jerking yourself off, but with three dicks, suddenly you've got six people having sex. Which is more powerful?
- Margo Hanson: I think your metaphor literally doesn't make any fucking sense.
- Quentin Coldwater: It doesn't have to. It just distracted you long enough for Alice to power up the spell, which is all the shield charm has to do.
- Margo Hanson: If those horses get us there before The Beast, I'll gladly fuck them both.
- Eliot Waugh: Hey. Shh. Careful. Volume. I think those are talking horses.
- Margo Hanson: [Looks at them] Offer stands.
- Quentin Coldwater: Ember actually took a shit in the Wellspring? Well, that can't be good for Fillory.
- The Beast: [to Ember] You stinking man-sheep! You're no god! You're a farm animal! You're a farm animal!
- William 'Penny' Adiyodi: Listen, whatever you do, do not sit on your throne, okay?
- Margo Hanson: Fine. Whatevs.I have a plan.
- [Picking berries]
- Margo Hanson: You gonna help me pick these?
- William 'Penny' Adiyodi: What's this? An antidote?
- Margo Hanson: Exactly. For the poison.
- William 'Penny' Adiyodi: For the what?
- Margo Hanson: For the poison. I have to drink it first, or I won't get Eliot to take it. Jesus. You're acting like this is your first regicide. Also, it's not the thrones that are cursed. I sat on mine, and I'm totally fine.
- Marina Andrieski: So, you want to tell me where you hooked up with your partner? The Dirty Dozen?
- Julia Wicker: Ah. Fillory.
- Marina Andrieski: Fine. Don't tell me.
- Eliot Waugh: Benedict, right? I need your help. What do you do here again?
- Benedict Pickwick: Royal mapmaker, sire. Is your problem cartographical in nature?
- Eliot Waugh: Not really. What I need, Benedict, is a dagger. A stiletto, really. Something I can sneak up and stab someone with. But regal.
- Benedict Pickwick: I make maps, Your Majesty.
- Eliot Waugh: Well, surely, someone has snuck into your office and dramatically stabbed a knife into a map to make a point, no?
- Marina Andrieski: [Flatly] I call on you. Our Lady Underground. As a child of the Earth I seek you, O Mother.
- Julia Wicker: Hey.
- Marina Andrieski: Mm?
- Julia Wicker: Do me a favor and just believe it.
- Marina Andrieski: A benevolent Mommy who will solve my problems with her Gaia power?
- Julia Wicker: Yeah. Or Reynard won't show.
- Marina Andrieski: You realize I don't even own a pair of yoga pants?
- Fen: Curses are tricky.
- William 'Penny' Adiyodi: You don't say.
- Fen: They usually end once they've run their course. And not before.
- William 'Penny' Adiyodi: That doesn't help us. This one seems to want to run its course until they're all dead.
- Marina Andrieski: You know, it doesn't take Freud to see that a god who likes to prey on chicks is compensating for a lack of something. What even are you? God of Goat Herding? Grapes? Oh, wait. Is it Manure? I bet you love coming here and fucking with mortals 'cause back home in god-land, you barely rank.
- Reynard: So rare for someone to try to summon Our Lady on their own. You're all alone, aren't you? There's no else in your life.
- Marina Andrieski: Seriously? Trying to hurt my feelings? And the best you can come up with is "why couldn't you find a man?"
- Reynard: Is anyone really gonna miss you?
- Marina Andrieski: I tip the pizza guy pretty well.
- William 'Penny' Adiyodi: I'm gonna take you someplace safe, but if I have to shoot you to get you there, I will make sure it hurts.
- Margo Hanson: Gee, thanks, but I'm enchanted.
- [Penny shots an arrow at her]
- Margo Hanson: Aah!
- William 'Penny' Adiyodi: Your enchantment's weak.
- Margo Hanson: Aah! You shot me, you cock!
- Quentin Coldwater: Why didn't you shoot her in the neck? The carotid is right there.
- William 'Penny' Adiyodi: Bad news you're cursed. Good news I think there's a way out.
- Eliot Waugh: Does it involve your beheading? 'Cause that's the ending I'm voting for right now.
- Margo Hanson: I second that. My ass still hurts.
- Eliot Waugh: Use a first year spell to stop the Beast? That sounds like suicide.
- Margo Hanson: Which I've already tried today, and, no thank you.
- Ember: Greetings, oh, powerful and glorious Martin Chatwin. My goodness. Only half the man I remember.
- The Beast: You know what happens if you stay in Fillory.
- Ember: I know, I know. I'm leaving. I'm going. I just had one or two things to do. Mainly number two. I have befouled the Wellspring.
- The Beast: Pardon me?
- Ember: I have left my divine elimination in the font of all magic. And it's a stinker. I really hope you weren't planning to drink from it.
- Alice Quinn: You're not even a real magician, are you, Martin? You're just a scared little boy. You wouldn't last an hour at Brakebills.