- Josh Chan: Sorting things clears my head. You know, as a kid, I used to spend hours sorting Legos by color, shape and number of bumpy things. I miss simpler times.
- Darryl Whitefeather: Tell me I didn't just say hi to five of your exes.
- White Josh: No, gross! Four, I would never date Paul.
- White Josh: What's your problem, dude?
- Darryl Whitefeather: You have an older man fetish! All your boyfriends could have been in Cocoon! You know, you don't like a man until his Sandra Bullocks start dropping!
- Darryl Whitefeather: It turns out Josh is really into old guys. Yeah, it's practically a fetish!
- Rebecca Bunch: Okay well, let's not knock someone for a fetish. I mean, you know, some people like being... choked by red licorice. I'm not saying who, but I think you know it's me.
- Heather Davis: You just want someone who will yammer about Josh with you all day long because with me, every time you mention Josh, I make you give me five dollars. By the way, you owe me three-hundred dollars.
- Rebecca Bunch: Look, you're wrong, I'm gonna find some way for Valencia and I to transcend Josh together - dammit, I said it again!
- [Rebecca pulls a wad of cash from her purse]
- Rebecca Bunch: Okay, just take a bunch of money and deduct it from my Josh fund - dammit, I said Josh's name. I don't know why I agreed to this, I must be crazy!
- Rebecca Bunch: Valencia, are these muffins? Are you eating carbs? I am so proud of you, girl!
- Valencia Perez: I know, I'm super-fat, thanks for reminding me.
- Rebecca Bunch: What? No, you're not fat. You're, like, most people's wedding-goal weight!
- Alex: Dude, why are you bumming so hard?
- Josh Chan: I don't know, it's been a weird few weeks. Uh, my best friend moved away, White Josh has a serious boyfriend, Hector and his mom started a dating advice podcast, I broke up with two girls in two months...
- Alex: Ah, that's what it is! The girls. You're a girlfriend guy, I can tell. A serial monogamist! I was just like you, I get it. It's hard being alone.
- Josh Chan: What? I'm fine with being alone. Listen, I love solitaire, I love Solo cups, I love playing Uno...
- Alex: That game's for two people.
- White Josh: What number muffin is that for today? I feel like every time I'm in here, you're piling another one down the hatch.
- Rebecca Bunch: Yeah well, you're in here a lot because, we get it, you and Darryl are *in love.*
- White Josh: Oh, yeah. We don't say that to each other. I haven't met his daughter yet, so.
- Rebecca Bunch: An insecurity? Me likey. You know what's good for when you feel insecure?
- [Rebecca grins and offers him a muffin]
- Valencia Perez: The only shared trauma you and are I gonna bond over are those communal port-o-potties.
- Rebecca Bunch: Ah, not a problem for me. I love a good public poo. It's like, leave it and forget it - not my mess!
- Valencia Perez: What are we even doing here?
- Rebecca Bunch: Take off your pants.
- Valencia Perez: Um, hello? I ain't that kind of party!
- Darryl Whitefeather: Okay look, when I saw all those Pat Sajacks that you'd been with, I just felt so ordinary and old! But you know, these are my own insecurities, I don't expect you to understand.
- White Josh: Why not? You think you're the only one with insecurities?
- Darryl Whitefeather: Come on, when I see your abs, I definitely do.
- Josh Chan: I really needed a reminder of why I'm so happy being single. Women are tough! I mean, love 'em, but they are complicated and just hard to understand.
- Sherpa Allen: Oh, I understand! I've been celibate since 1987. Yup, I orgasm internally as a part of my practice.
- Heather Davis: I always knew I kinda liked you. You're basic, but in an enjoyable way.
- Valencia Perez: Thanks, bitch!
- Rebecca Bunch: This is why I'm growing out my pubic hair - because it makes me feel like a fierce animal!