- Zack Johnson: [Upon learning that Leonard and Raj haven't considered the military applications of their new missile navigation system] You sure you guys are smart?
- Raj Koothrappali: So, uh, what are you guys talking about?
- Claire: Well, your friends were just telling me about all the other girls you're dating.
- Raj Koothrappali: Why would you do that? I specifically asked you not to do that!
- Penny Hofstadter: We didn't.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: *You* just did.
- Zack Johnson: Wow, maybe none of you guys are smart.
- Raj Koothrappali: I do enjoy the complexity of an aged pinot noir.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I'm sure that would pair nicely with your fried nuggets of chicken.
- Zack Johnson: I love science. Einstein, Steven Hawking, Mike deGrasse Tyson.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Mike deGrasse Tyson?
- Howard Wolowitz: Yeah, you know. the boxer who grew a moustache and became a scientist.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: I'm getting an earthy note.
- Penny Hofstadter: There's definitely some oak.
- Raj Koothrappali: Also, cherries?
- Leonard Hofstadter: I smell nothing.
- Howard Wolowitz: Really? Nothing?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Just a whole lot of Afrin.
- [first lines]
- Penny Hofstadter: Oh, hey, if you guys are free this weekend, I won a night of wine-tasting from work.
- Leonard Hofstadter: That sounds fun.
- Penny Hofstadter: Mm-hm.
- Leonard Hofstadter: How come scientists don't win free stuff like sales people do?
- Howard Wolowitz: 'Cause we're not in it for the stuff; we're in it for the groupies.
- Sheldon Cooper: Personally, I find the notion of external rewards demeaning; I pursue science for the intrinsic joy of discovery.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: But you always say that you want to win a Nobel prize.
- Sheldon Cooper: I also say don't contradict me in front of my friends, and that you don't remember.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Hey, are you still hanging out with Bernadette tonight?
- Sheldon Cooper: Yes, and we're going to prove that we don't need alcohol to enjoy ourselves.
- Penny Hofstadter: Oh, good for you.
- Sheldon Cooper: Or caffeine, tobacco, sushi, soft cheese, processed meat and jacuzzis, which can all be harmful to an unborn baby.
- Penny Hofstadter: No Reddy-baked ham in a hot tub; got it.
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, and no bubble baths either; they can increase the chance of a urinary trach infection.
- Sheldon Cooper: OK, have fun.
- Leonard Hofstadter: On, and no swordfish, king mackerel, shark or tilefish as they're all high in mercury.
- Sheldon Cooper: We're leaving now.
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, and no contact with guinea pigs or hamsters or their droppings. No-no cat-litter boxes. No paint fumes.
- Penny Hofstadter: OK, we're leaving, lovey, bye!
- [Leonard and Penny leave the apartment]
- Sheldon Cooper: Boy, do I love restrictions.
- Raj Koothrappali: Almost any scientific advancement can be used for destructive purposes.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: That's true. Even Einstein's theory of relativity was later applied to the development of nuclear weapons.
- Penny Hofstadter: E equals MC squared. Yeah, "E" is energy, "M" for mass and "C" for the speed of light.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: How do you know that?
- Penny Hofstadter: Oh, Leonard mumbles it when he wants sex to last longer.
- Sheldon Cooper: When I was five I ingested a Z-gauge locomotive. I spent the next three days saying "I think I can pass it; I think I can pass it!"
- [last lines]
- Sheldon Cooper: Leonard, friends are like toilet paper. It's good to have extras under the sink.
- Howard Wolowitz: We absolutely know our invention will not be used to destroy the world.
- Leonard Hofstadter: How?
- Howard Wolowitz: Because no one from the future has come back to kill us.