- Santa: What can I get you?
- Spoiled Kid: I saw you at the other mall.
- Santa: Congratulations.
- Spoiled Kid: You were Mexican.
- Santa: I got a tan.
- Spoiled Kid: How can you be at two malls AND at the North Pole at the same time?
- Santa: It's a glitch in the Matrix.
- Spoiled Kid: My Daddy says you are a fake. And my Daddy says he makes more money in a month than you do in a year.
- Malcolm the Elf: Then why the hell are you even here?
- Spoiled Kid: I want a Wii.
- Santa: Then ask your Dad to buy it for you. NEXT!
- Santa: [last lines, after a girl has a depressing Christmas wish] Jesus. That was rough.
- Malcolm the Elf: No kidding. There's giving hope and then there's that.
- Santa: Christ, I could use a cigarette.
- Malcolm the Elf: You and me both, brother.
- Santa: When's the next break?
- Malcolm the Elf: [checks his watch] One hour.
- Santa: Good grief.