- Rimmer: [the crew get into a car with Lister hotwiring] Have you done this before?
- Lister: It was the only way to get home sometimes, when I lost all me money playing Texas hold 'em. I know it was wrong, I was young, I was stupid, but what do you really know when you're seven?
- Rimmer: Stealing cars at the age of seven? Why didn't you take the bus?
- Lister: Hotwire a bus? I was seven! I just wasn't up to it.
- Rimmer: Catching the bus. What's wrong with catching the bus on the way home from school?
- Lister: Who mentioned school, I was off shoplifting. Don't look at me like that, I been on the straight and narrow since I was nine, maybe ten. Alright, eleven.
- Lister: [Starbug's cockpit is fizzing and full of smoke, Cat is putting out fires, while Lister is tending to an unconscious Kryten] Kryten couldn't be more fried, if he was a Mars bar living in Scotland! Rimmer is out too.
- Rimmer: [the crew are attempting to get into a secret hangout] I'll handle this. Americans love an English accent, so that rules out Lister. They're particularly impressed by people who say "whom" a lot.
- Lt. Clarence O'Neal: [Has just outed Harmony as a scientist, which she denies] How dense do you think I am?
- Harmony: You really wanna know? Just divide ya mass by ya volume.