- [Major agrees to be something more serious with Liv]
- Olivia Moore: So you're okay with it? Because if we're gonna do this we have to be totally honest with each other this time around.
- Major Lilywhite: Of course I want to sex you up, girl. You're very attractive, and I very much have a penis. But just being with you is enough. Honest.
- [Liv compares herself to Britney Spears while talking to Major]
- Olivia Moore: When I eat someone's brain, it sets up camp in me. It's like, I'm always Britney, but sometimes I'm Hit Me One More Time Britney, and sometimes I'm... shaved head, smashing car windows Britney.
- Major Lilywhite: Real talk? I thought both of those Britney's were hot.
- [Ravi tells Liv that he would like a cool stage name]
- Ravi Chakrabarti: Syd Wicked. I want to change my name to something cool like that. What do you think of Rick Bang?
- Olivia Moore: I think Rick Bang lives in a one-bedroom apartment in the San Fernando Valley and gets paid to do it on camera.
- Ravi Chakrabarti: Ow. Well, Steph told me how to figure out my porn name. Sadly, it's Polly Cripplegate.
- [magician-brain Liv does a magic card trick for Ravi]
- Olivia Moore: Okay. Have you thought of a card? Do you see it?
- Ravi Chakrabarti: [Liv does the magic trick, as Ravi gasps] The 10 of clubs is missing. Where did it go, you witch?
- Olivia Moore: Ah! The 10 of clovers. A clover needs a dark space to take root. A place as dark as a closed casket buried six feet under.
- Ravi Chakrabarti: That's dark.
- Olivia Moore: Or, a man's back pocket.
- Ravi Chakrabarti: [Ravi gasps when finding the card in his back pocket] This is the best brain ever! I almost want to start killing magicians so it never ends.
- [magician-brain Liv asks Clive to pick a card]
- Clive Babineaux: Got something to show you, Liv.
- Olivia Moore: [Liv holds up a few playing cards, whispering] Pick a card.
- Clive Babineaux: No.
- [Peyton talks to Ravi and Major about women not being too needy]
- Peyton Charles: Let's get it all out in the open, Man-Things. What about Liv? She's not glomming onto you, is she? She's not cramping your style? She's not being too needy?
- Major Lilywhite: No. It's all good. Real good.
- Major Lilywhite: [Peyton and Ravi remain quiet] I mean, today she left me a voice-mail about how drowning would be a beautiful way to die, but otherwise, you know, same old Liv.
- Ravi Chakrabarti: Ah, yeah, uh, she's rolling hard on a death-obsessed magician. It will pass. She just needs to eat someone else's brain.
- Major Lilywhite: Is that all?
- Ravi Chakrabarti: Mm-hmm.
- [Major asks Ravi and Peyton for Zombie-Liv advice]
- Major Lilywhite: Question. Since the two of you have really experienced zombie Liv first-hand, how extreme do her personality swings get?
- Ravi Chakrabarti: She can be a bit mercurial. But most of the time I enjoy the variety. Of course, I don't have to date her.
- Peyton Charles: There was the time her eyes turned red and she killed someone. I'm thinking that was probably a one-off.
- Major Lilywhite: A one-off. That's good.
- [magician-brain Liv stands in the morgue over Syd Wicked's dead body while surrounded by candles]
- Olivia Moore: Well, would you look at that? The death card. The 13th trump in the Tarot. A fitting reminder that no matter how clever a path we run, the Reaper always takes his bounty.
- Blaine DeBeers: [Blaine walks into the morgue] Did you eat Edgar Allen Poe?
- [Liv accepts on helping Blaine]
- Blaine DeBeers: So, what do you say? Team up with me. Stop a zombie killer, maybe save a few lives? Have a few laughs?
- Olivia Moore: I don't think so.
- Blaine DeBeers: Okay, let me put it to you in Liv-speak. Some of these missing zombies have families and are 'nice people.' And more 'nice people' are going to go missing unless you and I do something about it. Look, we know things the FBI doesn't. So we're ahead of the curve. Help me, Zombie-Wan Kenobi. You're our only hope.
- Olivia Moore: This doesn't change the fact that you still sicken me.
- Blaine DeBeers: [Blaine smiles] Wouldn't be me if I didn't.
- [Liv and Ravi talk about Ravi's life with the ladies]
- Ravi Chakrabarti: I used to be a real wand hand until I realized it didn't help me with the ladies.
- Olivia Moore: So you moved onto video games and forensic pathology?
- Olivia Moore: [Ravi hesitates] Hey, uh, Clive and I have to go question a magician after his show tonight You want to come?
- Ravi Chakrabarti: [Ravi hangs his head in disappointment] I wish. I have a date.
- [Liv squints her eyes at Ravi]
- [Liv explains the Empress tarot card to Blaine]
- Blaine DeBeers: [Liv holds the card] What's that chick's problem?
- Olivia Moore: That's the Empress. She symbolizes fertility and growth in the natural world. Ancients say...
- Blaine DeBeers: Super boring. Sorry I asked.
- [Blaine comments on Liv and him sitting on a stakeout together]
- Blaine DeBeers: Look at us, on a stakeout. You're like, the stoic by-the-book veteren and I'm the fun guy who...
- Olivia Moore: Who deals drugs and kills homeless teenagers.
- Blaine DeBeers: I was gonna say, 'Doesn't play by the rules,' but sure.
- [Liv and Blaine sit on their stakeout outside Agent Bozzio's house]
- Olivia Moore: [they see Bozzio and Clive kiss from the front window] Love is only a delay of death, a tragedy waiting in the wings.
- Blaine DeBeers: [Blaine turns his head to Liv] You're bumming me out, man.
- [Liv and Blaine break into Agent Bozzio's house while she's at the gym]
- Olivia Moore: Dale left with her gym bag. I'd say we have about an hour.
- Blaine DeBeers: Uh... I'd say 90 minutes. You don't get that ass in an hour-a-day.
- [Blaine gives Peyton his phone number or at least thinks he does]
- Blaine DeBeers: Here, take this.
- Peyton Charles: [Peyton looks at the card] A free car wash?
- Blaine DeBeers: Whoops, wrong card. I don't think our relationship is quite at that level yet.
- [Ravi and Liv follow the new lead of magicians Smoak and Meers]
- Ravi Chakrabarti: Hashtag, 'I think we have a new lead.'
- Olivia Moore: Don't do that.
- [Peyton tells Ravi maybe it's a bad idea she moved in after Ravi tries to kiss her]
- Peyton Charles: Aren't you seeing Steph?
- Ravi Chakrabarti: Well, I, uh, I ended it.
- Peyton Charles: Maybe this was a bad idea, moving in.
- Ravi Chakrabarti: No, no, no, no, no, no, stay. I'm an idiot. Maybe I've been drinking? No, it's just the idiocy.
- [Liv asks Ravi how him and his girfriend Steph are]
- Olivia Moore: Things good with you and Steph?
- Ravi Chakrabarti: Yeah, they're fine, I guess.
- Olivia Moore: Can you have sex without worrying you'll turn her into a member of the undead?
- Ravi Chakrabarti: Yeah.
- Olivia Moore: Then no bitching.
- Ravi Chakrabarti: Well, I didn't think I was. It might be time for someone to eat.
- [first lines]
- Olivia Moore: [Liv and Major lay in bed togther after making out] Phew! That was pretty good.
- Major Lilywhite: Yeah.
- Olivia Moore: It was almost as good as sex. Like the difference between a turkey burger and a hamburger.
- [Liv, Clive, and Ravi go over Syd Wicked's crime scene]
- Olivia Moore: What kind of name is Syd Wicked?
- Clive Babineaux: Stage name. He's a magician. You don't dress like that unless you do magic or you hate your parents. Apparently there's some big magician convention happening at this hotel all week.
- Ravi Chakrabarti: Of course! PrestoFest. How did I miss that. I'm on the mailing list.
- [Liv, Clive, and Ravi watch the video of Syd Wicked on his laptop]
- Syd Wicked: Death. Most of us live in constant fear that at any moment, death will wrench us into an eternal darkness. But I have stared Death right in his face and he blinked first. Mark that. I'll use that for the intro for my closer.
- Ravi Chakrabarti: What showmanship. The world has lost a storyteller.
- [Liv, Clive, and Ravi go over the hotel security tapes that were watching over Syd Wicked's hotel room]
- Olivia Moore: So, Syd went into his room alive, no one else came in or out of it, and yet, he was murdered?
- Ravi Chakrabarti: You know what this means, right? The murder is a magic trick. Sometimes I really love this job.
- [Ravi asks Peyton for girlfriend advice]
- Ravi Chakrabarti: You know Steph, the woman I'm kind of seeing?
- Peyton Charles: 'Kind of seeing.' Yeah. Women love when you use qualifiers like that.
- Ravi Chakrabarti: I like her, it's... My question is, look, she just changed her Facebook status to 'In a relationship.'
- Peyton Charles: And that freaked you out. Look, I change my status to 'In a relationship' all the time, just to get dudes to leave me alone.
- Ravi Chakrabarti: Yeah. Okay. I can see that.
- [Ravi tells Peyton that him and his girlfriend Steph are planning to celebrate Guy Fawkes Day together]
- Ravi Chakrabarti: Well, she's just getting a bit intense, you know, okay... I mean, she told me we're celebrating Guy Fawkes Day tomorrow. I didn't have the heart to tell her it was a few weeks ago.
- Peyton Charles: [Peyton chuckles] Guy Fawkes Day, huh? Yeah... she's definitely going to propose.
- [Liv tells Blaine that she can't stand the sight of him]
- Olivia Moore: Odd, I was under the impression that you knew I couldn't stand the sight of you and yet, here you are.
- Blaine DeBeers: I'm an acquired taste. Like gazpacho or that free U2 album.
- [Blaine pays a visit to Liv asking for her help]
- Blaine DeBeers: You know those five missing gentlemen in the newspapers, the ones the FBI has seen fit to investigate?
- Olivia Moore: Yeah?
- Blaine DeBeers: Well, three of them were big fans of brains. I know. They were my customers. It seems someone out there is killing Seattle's zombies.
- Olivia Moore: And you're here to warn me? To make sure that I watch my back?
- Blaine DeBeers: Oh, God, no. I'm telling you this because I need your help to stop whoever's killing our living-challenged friends. Not to mention, it's bad for my bottom line. So, what do you say, partner? Should we take justice into our own hands?
- [Blaine holds up the Justice Tarot card]
- [Liv tries to reject Blaine's request]
- Olivia Moore: I try not to make a habit of fraternizing with murderers.
- Blaine DeBeers: That's no way to go through life, is it?
- [Liv sums up what Twitter is to Ravi]
- Olivia Moore: Twitter, a vast collection of humanity's impetuous thought vomitings.
- Ravi Chakrabarti: I'd like to think I'm quite introspective about what I tweet to my, 23 followers.
- [the magician Houdina performs her card throwing trick on stage with Liv as the volunteer]
- Houdina: People think playing cards is just for fun and games. But a full deck is like a gun with 52 deadly bullets in the chamber.
- [Houdina throws the playing card, cutting the celery stalk Liv holds in her mouth]
- [Liv asks Blaine if he killed the fourth man who walked on the moon]
- Olivia Moore: You killed the fourth man who walked on the moon?
- Blaine DeBeers: Please, nobody cares about the fourth person to do something.
- [Liv sits next to a bushel of dying red roses]
- Olivia Moore: This flower had color and could bloom once. And yet death, blind to the beauty of all living things, even one as vibrant as this, has swept over it, wrenching it closer to the ground. Until it breaks.
- Major Lilywhite: So, is that a 'yes,' you want a quesadilla or no?
- [Liv and Clive make an arrest by exposing a magic trick]
- Clive Babineaux: Normally we bring witnesses down to the station to take statements.
- Olivia Moore: [Liv smiles] Where's the magic in that?
- [last lines]
- Olivia Moore: [Major arrives home seeing Liv still on the magician brain, heading straight to bed] Major? Major!
- [Clive arrives to the crime scene of Syd Wicked's dead body]
- Ravi Chakrabarti: Ugh! What is that horrible, horrible smell?
- Clive Babineaux: I'm guessing it's the dead body.
- [Ravi reveals to Clive and Liv the piece of rotting fish he found with Syd's dead body]
- Ravi Chakrabarti: So, I took a gander around the room, and found this in the wastebasket, with this lovely note attached. 'Welcome to PrestoFest.' 'Here's a gift from your fellow magicians.' So I thinks to myself, 'Hmm. Okay. Kind of boilerplate stuff.' Maybe they thought the summer sausage would make up for the stock sentiments. But wait, there's more.
- Clive Babineaux: We're all hoping.
- Olivia Moore: [Ravi reveals the old piece of meat] Ugh!
- Ravi Chakrabarti: [as Ravi concludes on reading the note] 'Enjoy the decay!'
- [Clive realizes that they're going to be interviewing a bunch of magicians]
- Clive Babineaux: So how many magicians come to this.
- Ravi Chakrabarti: PrestoFest every year? Oh, upwards of 200. Then you have your semi-professionals, your weekend wizards, and the occasional hypnotist. 'PrestoFest, come for the illusions and stay for the sleight of ha... '
- Clive Babineaux: [Clive inerrupts Ravi] Looks like we're going to be interviewing a whole lot of magicians. Sometimes I really hate this job.
- [Blaine tells Liv that he knows about the FBI Agent Dale Bozzio on the missing persons case]
- Blaine DeBeers: Look, I know they brought the FBI in on this missing persons case. Read it in the paper. Been a Sunday subscriber since '07, NBD. Anyway, they got this lady Fed heading up the investigation, Dale Bozzio. Bitching name. One you'd remember. Ring any bells?
- Olivia Moore: Maybe.
- [Ravi arrives home only to find his home and Steph in a British setting]
- Steph: 'Hello, Governor! Mind the gap.' Is the accent too much?
- Ravi Chakrabarti: [Ravi nervously laughs] This... This looked like it took a lot of work.
- [the magician Houdina tells Clive and Liv about Steve AKA Syd Wicked]
- Houdina: We were young and doing crappy clubs. Syd's whole gimmick was the goth, death thing. But it was just an onstage persona.
- Olivia Moore: He didn't believe in that stuff?
- Houdina: Ah! No. When I met him he was still going by Steve and owned all the Police Academy movies. Over the years, he got more and more into it. When he told me he'd hired a Wiccan to perform the wedding ceremony, I got the hell out of there.
- [Liv and Clive interview Houdina who denies believing that Syd Wicked is dead]
- Clive Babineaux: We'd like to ask you some questions about Syd Wicked.
- Houdina: He's not dead. I bet it's a stunt. Syd's very talented.
- Olivia Moore: Trust me, he's dead.
- Houdina: [Houdina smiles] Whatever you say.
- [Blaine reads the FBI files that find his yellow coolers in multiple cases]
- Blaine DeBeers: 'Found in the home refrigerators of three of the missing persons,' 'identical insulated yellow coolers.' Damn it. We should've gone with the freezer bags. I'm such a slave to aesthetics.
- [Clive and Liv approach the magicians Smoak and Meers for the first time]
- Clive Babineaux: Smoak and Meers?
- Smoak: Guilty.
- [Liv interviews Smoak and Meers about their feud with Syd Wicked]
- Olivia Moore: How long have you two had a feud with Syd Wicked?
- Smoak: [Smoak whistles] Wow. Gonna just jump right in there, Lady Cop. Where's the craft? The showmanship? Look, you know the score with Syd. Everyone in this business had a beef with the guy. But us? We just liked screwing with him.
- [Smoak and Meers give Clive their alibi for the time of Syd Wicked's murder]
- Clive Babineaux: And where were you at the time of the murder?
- Smoak: The Houdina show. I remember because she disappeared during her closer and she never came back for a bow. I waited around for 15 minutes. It was actually kind of punk rock.
- [Houdina gives Clive her alibi for the time of Syd Wicked's murder]
- Clive Babineaux: You weren't performing when Syd was killed. You'd already disappeared off-stage for your closer.
- Houdina: Guys, I didn't actually disappear. I hate to break this to you. Magic isn't real. You remember the cocktail waitress at the end of the show? The one you asked if she knew where I was? That was me. I had her costume on underneath mine.
- Clive Babineaux: But I looked right at you.
- Houdina: That's the thing about a magic trick. If it's done well, the answer's right in front of you.