- Lois Griffin: [annoyed] Peter, is there something you want to tell me?
- Peter Griffin: Uuuh, YEAH. Every light in the house is on.
- Lois Griffin: Did you destroy the library?
- Peter Griffin: Did *I* destroy the library? Ha! No, Lois. That was television.
- Peter Griffin: [whistling after Brian] Come here, boy! Come on!
- Brian Griffin: [happily wagging his tail] Hey, what's up? We going for a ride in the car?
- Peter Griffin: No, I had a question for ya.
- Brian Griffin: Don't EVER fucking do that unless you have a car ride to offer...!
- Opie: [while on the news looking sober] Well, I do miss drinking, but I have used the time to reconnect with my children and I have been thinking about resuming my actuarial practice.
- Peter Griffin: Oh, my God. He's just been drunk this whole time?
- Tricia Takanawa: Joyce, I'm standing here on the streets of Quahog, where citizens are feeling the effects of the city's new drinking law.
- RJ: I was going to bone my girlfriend, but she told me that if there wasn't vanilla vodka involved, there was NO WAY.
- Stewie Griffin: Brian, I think we can get John Mayer to stop tweeting again, but we all got to work together.
- Peter Griffin: I tell you, guys, getting alcohol when you're underage isn't as easy as Obama's daughters make it look.
- Glenn Quagmire: What? Is that true?
- Peter Griffin: I don't know.
- Brian Griffin: I'm 56 in dog years.
- Peter Griffin: Oh, is that why you got white pubic hair?
- Brian Griffin: I'll thank you not to check out my pubic hair.
- Peter Griffin: Well, then don't go flashing it around. Put on some underpants, you crazy old man.
- Peter Griffin: Alright, you guys. I will now do anything for $10. Who's got something for me?
- Glenn Quagmire: I got one. I'll give you ten bucks if you wear the same underwear for a month.
- Peter Griffin: Pay up.
- [Quagmire hands Peter $10]
- Peter Griffin: Actually, you owe me 20.
- Glenn Quagmire: Eww!
- [hands Peter another bill]
- Glenn Quagmire: Here's 50. Go change your underwear!
- Peter Griffin: [scared] It won't come off!