Mother's Day (I) (2016)

Jason Sudeikis: Bradley

Photos 

Quotes 

• Sandy : Daughter?

  Bradley : Oh, uh, yeah. Two actually, but only one is currently, you know, becoming a woman.

  Sandy : Got you.

  Bradley : Yeah, their mom used to do this, but... Well, I do it now.

  Sandy : Same boat, two sons.

  Bradley : How is that the same boat?

  Sandy : I guess just the number.

• Sandy : Oh, you've got to be kidding me! Paris? Paris, Paris, Paris! That's... We could not get our shit together for 13 years to get to Paris. Now he's taking Tina. Tina. Now he's taking Tina. It's the only place I've wanted to go since I was a kid and I read Madeline! I don't even think she knows who the hell Madeline is! Oh, my God, this is not happening! This is not happening! Oh, man, you know, you couldn't have taken her to London or to fuckin' Disneyland maybe? I don't know, how about take her to the prom? That's somewhere I bet she hasn't been yet. Jesus... Freaking Tina!

  Bradley : I'd hate to see her in traffic.

• Bradley : Okay, you've got, like, five dozen different recorded versions of that play you completely missed right there. Why don't you just walk over there and ask one of them to replay it for you, then you'll see you're wrong, we'll win the game and then you can stumble home with your seeing-eye dog.

  Male Soccer Referee : That's it. Yellow card!

  Bradley : Yellow card? Are you...

  Male Soccer Referee : Did you just blow my whistle?

  Bradley : You're damn right. You do not blow another man's whistle. You do when he blows the game for you!

  Male Soccer Referee : All right, that's it, red card! You're gone.

  Bradley : I'm gone? Okay, good to know. Okay, you know what? I'm gone. Now your ball's gone. That's what's gone, okay? Hey, Kimberly! You take over, okay?

  Kimberly : Yeah, you better go.

  Bradley : Yeah, thank you. If anybody's looking for me, I'll be out in the parking lot calling LensCrafters, making that guy an appointment!

• Bradley : Where'd you hear that "pox on my whistle"? What's that from?

  Vicky : Shakespeare.

  Bradley : Shakespeare, huh? William Shakespeare?

  Vicky : No, Bob Shakespeare. Who else would it...

• Rachel : Yeah, being sad all the time, obsessing over soccer so you can get closer to Mom, watching those videos over and over. She's gone, Dad, and we're all sad, but for how long? And acting like an asshole with that ref doesn't help anyone.

  Bradley : Hey, watch your language.

  Rachel : You know what? Yeah, I cuss. That's because I'm an unsupervised teen and while I'm at it, I don't mind taking care of Vicky and doing all the housework and the cooking. Dad, I'm only 16, I have a life.

• Bradley : Why are you here? Are you in the psychiatric wing?

• Grocery Checker : We need a price check on organic cotton...

  Bradley : No, that's not necessary. They are... They're 9 bucks. They're 9 bucks each.

  Grocery Checker : Cancel that price check on tampons, the organic cotton ones.