Master of None (TV Series)

Ladies and Gentlemen (2015)

Aziz Ansari: Dev

Photos 

Quotes 

• Dev : Denise, you ever been followed?

  Denise : Hell yeah! One time I went to the movies by myself, right? Theater full of empty seats. This dude comes to sit down right next to me being a creeper the whole time. Then after the movie, he followed my ass home. I had to pretend my cell phone was a taser just to scare him away.

  Dev : Damn. What movie was it?

  Denise : Failure to Launch.

  Dev : The Matthew McConaughey romcom? Why'd you see that?

  Denise : Okay, after that story you're criticizing me for my movie choice?

  Dev : Kinda. You saw it *in* the theaters? What, you see the trailer and thought it looked interesting?

  Denise : Okay, first off, Sarah Jessica Parker is bae, and you know I got diverse cultural tastes!

  Dev : Uh, interesting you go see Failure to Launch but when I invited you to see You, Me and Dupree you said nah.

  Denise : Uh, 'cause my girl Sarah Jessica Parker isn't in that one.

  Dev : True. She did kill it in Ghost of Girlfriends Past.

  Denise : That's Jennifer Garner!

  Dev : She killed it, too.

• Dev : Yum town. Population: Dev

• [first lines] 

  Dev : [waiting for bartender]  Are we ever gonna get to order a drink? This clown's been muddling cucumbers for 20 minutes.

  Arnold : Bro, here's the move. You make eye contact, then you flash the cash. Check this out.

  [wildly waving some bills] 

  Arnold : Hmm?

  Dev : Hey, it's working. He's looking over here.

  Arnold : Yeah, yeah. Huh?

  [but bartender moves toward girl instead] 

  Arnold : Aw, man. Game over. Look at that.

  Dev : Big surprise. So he's gonna serve the hot girl instead of tending to the lovely, large Caucasian man and his charming Indian friend.

  Arnold : If that bozo thinks he's getting a tip after this bullshit... he's right. I'm actually too afraid of the awkwardness of not tipping.

  Dev : You could always give him a dollar and then give him a mean mug afterwards. Just like...

  [grunts] 

  Arnold : Throws a dollar.

  [grunts] 

  Dev : That's good. Real mean.

  Arnold : Thank you.

• Police Officer : You said you took a video of the incident?

  Dev : Yeah.

  Police Officer : Can you send it to this number?

  [handing him his card] 

  Dev : Whoa. So I'm texting you a video of him jerking off? This is weird.

  Police Officer : [blank stare] 

  Dev : Come on, it *is* a little weird.

• [last lines] 

  Rachel : I'm not saying that you're a sexist monster. I just think it's weird that your first instinct is to act like I'm crazy and defend Brad Honeycutt instead of just believing me.

  Dev : Well, I guess, in my head, I'd like to think someone isn't so awful that they wouldn't introduce themselves to someone just 'cause they're a woman.

  Rachel : And what I'm saying is that there are a lot of subtle little things that happen to me and all women, even in our little progressive world. And when somebody, especially my boyfriend, tells me I'm wrong without having any way of knowing my personal experience, it's insulting.

  Dev : Okay. I get that. Well, I mean, I guess there's no way I'll ever really know what it's like to be in your shoes, so I'll try to do a better job of listening, all right? So can we call it a draw?

  Rachel : Nope. I won...

  [running down the street] 

  Dev : Hey!

  Rachel : I won! Hello, everybody, I won! I had a fight with my boyfriend, and I just won that fight!

  Dev : No, we came to an understanding after a thoughtful discussion.

  Rachel : I won!

  [jazzy punk rock music]