Bad Moms (2016)
Mila Kunis: Amy
Photos
Quotes
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Dr. Karl : Okay, remember when I said that all marriages are savable? Well, it ain't gonna happen for you guys.
Amy : So what do you think we should do?
Dr. Karl : Well, as a therapist, I'm not allowed to tell you what do to. But, uh, as a human being with two fucking eyes in my head, yeah I think you should get divorced as soon as possible. This is some catastrophic shit.
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Dylan : Hey so, where's my science project?
Amy : Oh, I didn't do it.
Dylan : What? But it's due today!
Amy : Yeah. I know, I know. I'm so sorry, but you're going to actually have to start doing your own homework from now on.
Dylan : I am a slow learner, remember?
Amy : You're not a slow learner, you're just entitled... do you know what 'entitled' means?
Dylan : No. Because I'm a slow learner.
Amy : It means that mummy and daddy have been spoiling you, and now you think that the world owes you something, but it doesn't. And if you don't learn how to work hard now, then you're going to just grow up to be like another entitled little white dude who thinks he's awesome for no reason. And then you'll start a Ska Band and it'll be awful and you'll be mean to girls, and you'll grow this ironic moustache to look interesting but you won't actually be interesting, and I'm not okay with that so would you please, please just do your own homework?
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Kiki : Sometimes when I'm driving all by myself, I have this fantasy that I get into a car crash. Not a big one with fire and explosions, but just like a little one, but I do get injured and I get to go to the hospital for two weeks and I sleep all day and I eat Jell-O and I watch so much TV and it's all covered by my insurance. My kids bring me balloons, and the nurses rub cream on my feet, and oh, my God, it's so amazing. Is that like something you guys fantasize about, too?
Carla : You're batshit crazy.
Amy : Yeah.
Carla : And I'm never gonna get into a car with you.
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Amy : This party is raging.
Kiki : What a turnout.
Martha Stewart : Hi, would you ladies like a Jell-O shot?
Amy : Is that, is that? Martha Stewart! Martha, Oh, my God.
Kiki : Thank you. Oh, my God.
Martha Stewart : Good, right?
Carla : I'm cumming.
Kiki : Oh, my God. What's in this?
Martha Stewart : Well, it's bespoke lingonberry gelatin... and a shitload of vodka.
Kiki : They're delicious!
Martha Stewart : I start my day with six of these.
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Carla : First of all, you're so not a failure as a mother. In fact, you're the best mother that we've ever seen.
Kiki : True that!
Carla : You give your kids salad. Your remember your kids birthdays! I mean, I've sat here and watched you wait until your kid fell asleep before you got high.
Amy : Most moms do that, Carla.
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Amy : [after catching Mike with his pants down in front of the PC] Oh, my God, are you...?
Mike : No, no, no, I was just checking my prostate.
Amy : You know, I've always wondered what kind of porn you like.
Mike : Why won't this fucking window close?
Amy : [Sees Sharon naked on the screen] Oh, my God, that's a giant bush!
Sharon : Uh, who the hell are you?
Amy : I'm his wife.
Sharon : Oh, shit.
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Principal Burr : I found marijuana cigarettes in your daughter's locker. Now, it looks like Sour Diesel or a little Afghan Kush.
Amy : That's impossible; she's only twelve!
Principal Burr : It happens. Snoop's been smoking since he was five.
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Kiki : Kent is a never-hard.
Amy : Ooh, what's a never-hard?
Kiki : Well, he never gets fully hard. So I just have to kinda fold his penis up like a balloon animal and shove it up in my vagina.
Carla : That sounds horrible!
Amy : Yeah...
Kiki : Sometimes, I take the balls and shove em up there too because at least, you know, they're firm.
Carla : Honey, that is a lot of shit to shove up your cooter.
Kiki : I mean, I'm just happy he's circumcised.
Amy : Agh! What if I get somebody who's not circumcised?
Kiki : Run out of the room screaming. It's like finding a gun in the street; just scream and get out of there!
