The Angry Video Game Nerd (TV Series)

Hong Kong 97 (2015)

James Rolfe: The Angry Video Game Nerd

Quotes 

• [last lines] 

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : Maybe it's all about a cycle. An endless cycle. Old, shitty games that become new again! The past becomes the future, birth and death, on and on, it's the cycle of life! The game is the meaning of life! And the thing that keeps life going: reproduction... and food... which becomes shit. The game is fuckin' shit. There.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Bruce Lee's relative is so powerful, he's the equivalent of a thousand nukes! He's gonna murder the entire population of China by breakin' their necks! Even when Bruce Lee would take down twenty people, it took him a little bit of time, but now comes Chin! You don't fuck with Chin!

• [first lines] 

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : I've been called upon to take care of business once again. Apparently, there is a game worse than Big Rigs. WORSE than Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. WORSE than CrazyBus or Desert Bus. It is known as Hong Kong 97 and I've been getting requests for it up the ass. The requests are so far up the ass, it's time to shit 'em out.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : "The year 1997 has arrived, a herd of..."

  [stops, sees the text says "a herd of fuckin' ugly reds"] 

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : . This can't be real. No. NO! Somebody's pulling my leg! A HERD OF FUCKING UGLY REDS? Was "A herd of ugly reds" too weak? Did they really need the F word to fuckin' drive home the fuckin' point? This was before cursing in games was common. I remember how shocked I was when I first played Rambo on NES and saw the word "Hell." But here, they dropped the F-Bomb! THEY DID IT! A game made for the Super Famicom!

  [scene cuts to Mario flying past the Super Nintendo logo, with the word "FUCK" appearing on screen] 

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : It's the closest you'd ever get to a Super Nintendo game that says "FUCK".

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : That'd be like if I made a game called "New York 2017".

  [Reading as images from the proposed New York 2017 appear] 

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : "Motherfuckin' demons from the planet Jupiter have arrived through the Manhattan portal. The leader of. United States calls upon Master Joe,. John Wayne's half-cousin's step-son to annihilate the 2.5 OctoDecillion alien scum of the universe. However, on Jupiter's secret moon, a master plan is conceived to resurrect the astro-demonoid Dill Clyntin into a mecha-doomsday machine."

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : One hit, and the game's over. Why would I expect anything more?

  [a real surveillance image of a man lying motionless appears] 

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : No... Oh, please. I hope that's not a real dead body. No, there-there's no way they'd have such bad taste. That's gotta be an actor. Or... we're looking at some guy who died... on that date and time in 1992. Oh, this couldn't get the Nintendo endorsement?

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : So, apparently, for the character of Tong Shau Ping, they used an actual image of a real Chinese leader, Deng Xiaoping. Spelled differently, but pronounced very similar. When the game was made, this guy was still alive. Couldn't they have at least had the courtesy to wait for him to die before transforming him into an ultimate weapon?

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : [reading game text]  "We will sell your original S-NES games. 1/3 of the gross profit will be yours. We welcome games of any kind." Oh I bet. "So please send us your floppy"

  [chuckles] 

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : Send us your floppy. "Would you like to sell our products at your store? We are looking for dealers worldwide..." Enough already, how desperate could they be to sell this game? And I guess nobody bought it because nobody can find a physical copy.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : [Nerd listens to the loop of the game's only song]  Noooo. No way. How do you like that soundtrack? That won't get annoying at all! I've heard games with five second music loops before but not with lyrics!

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Oh this couldn't get the Nintendo endorsement, I'm so shocked this didn't come out on Super Nintendo!

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : The strange thing is that Deng Xiaoping actually died in 1997. The game predicted the future! In fact, 1997 was the year the United Kingdom returned their rule of Hong Kong back to China. The movie from '94 forecast this in the tagline,

  [reading] 

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : "99 years of British rule are about to come to an end..Hong Kong will never be the same." The movie stars Robert Patrick, The T-1000 from Terminator 2: Judgement Day. And Judgement Day takes place, in 1997. Part of Deng Xiaoping's ear is sort of cut off, like when Mike Tyson bit off a piece of Evander Holyfield's ear in 1997! The car, I'm willing to bet, is a Mercedes Benz, in which Princess Diana died in '97! And what was the year Coca-Cola launched Surge, '97! And it's no coincidence that all my surge protectors were made in China! Rebooting the entire game after you die, just like Symphony of the Night, '97! Jackie Chan! Uh, Rumble in the Bronx... Uh The Bronx, New York City, the Big Apple...

  [gasp] 

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : The year Steve Jobs returned to Apple in '97! The unstoppable unrelenting song is called "I Love Beijing Tienanmen" also known as "I Love PEKING Tienanmen" Peking Duck is a famous duck dish from Beijing! And Scrooge McDuck had his 50th anniversary in '97! The game was such a titanic failure...

  [gasp] 

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : Titanic, the movie from '97! Why was this game sole purpose to direct us to the number 97? Like the NGC97 galaxy in the constellation Andromeda, the Princess Andromeda who was chained naked to a rock to be sacrificed to a monster! Like Princess Leia and Jabba in Return of the Jedi... The Special Edition of Star Wars in '97, oh fuck we're back again! Man I was just trying to get a final answer here, but I went full circle. Like the song that keeps looping. A game that keeps repeating. Maybe it's all about a cycle! An endless cycle! Old shitty games have become new again! The past becomes the future, birth and death on and on it's a cycle of life! The game is the meaning of life!